For years, I have used the Weather channel as background noise while on the road or even if I’m trying to get to sleep. It used to have calm voices and a computer generated weather report ‘on the 8’s.’ I’ve had to stop doing that. Why? Because somewhere along the line, I missed the memo that Al Roker and his weather channel crew are trying to take over the world. SRSLY. Naming snow storms? Dont’ do that. It’s winter, just have a snow storm. I’m not adopting it, just shoveling it. A name doesn’t make it scary (although that’s what they’re trying to do, instill fear to keep viewership) it just makes you lame. Very lame.
The weather guessers up here in Cheeseland are the best. And by ‘Best’ I mean “Lamest.” The fear and danger they attempt to convey, pre-weather, are lulz. But yesterday took the cake. First off, I woke up to the locals saying that we may see the worst thunderstorm that’s hit these parts since the 80’s. Really? Really. Really! They went on to report this all day with different ALERTS that were dark red and very scary. Ooooooo, a thunderstorm in Mid-June in Wisconsin. Be afraid, be very afraid.
But this...upped the moronic ante . A very scary report that 1 in 5 Americans may be affected! By a thunderstorm. I put a hex on the neighbors to make sure they were the 1. I guess it worked cuz we’re good to go. The “meteorologists” predicted that the risk of severe weather is 45 times higher than on a normal June day. Forty FIVE!!!!
Now, before all you “but storms are really scary and can be bad” people start chiming in…ya, I know. I’ve been through a couple including a tornado. Bad shit. Not fun. Straight line winds that destroy, yup. Bad shit. Not fun. But those were the days that we were told bad weather would probably come in later in the day so get all your stuff done now and use some caution if needed later. See, we were all able to be reasonable on our own. But now we have the weather channel to scare us into weather submission. I dunno people, I guess if you buy into it, you deserve the way this country is headed. But I don’t…so I don’t. There are real problems folks, and the threat of the greatest thunderstorm in history isn’t one of them.
The people who WERE affected by storms last night are hopefully getting a helping hand and are okay. The reporter who did an “On the scene” report here in Brookfield next to some broken branches looks like a moron. Truth.
But today is a new day and I’ve already heard about the REAL threat of possible tornadoes that has me shaking in my rubba slippa’s. We only have three and a half months before Snowstorm Asshat will most likely, possibly arrive. Plan now.
Weather forecast for tonight: dark.
George Carlin
tosabarbell 