I had meant to make a FB post yesterday morning when I got up with our little girl dog that says something along the lines of, “Gee, I hope I see a FB post with shitty lifts, burpees, or a political fight today.” This sparked a fun conversation on playing some type of FB Bingo game each day. Sooooo, here ya go!
STFU! Game Board (download your own. I struggled even getting this far.)
Here’s how it works, anytime you see or read anything on the board, you get to place your token (use whatever you have for tokens; pennies, tic-tac’s, d-bol capsule) on the board. Once you have a STFU! down, across, or diagonal, you win! Shout that shit out too.
Here’s how I came up with the squares.
S for SHUT.
1. Srsly, just squat. Shut up and squat. Don’t care how, pick a bar placement and do it justice.
2. You live where it snows. It snowed last year, it snowed the year before and it likely snowed at some point each winter before that. SHUT it! It’ll snow again, it’s winter.
3. I dunno, maybe Christmas displays are going out earlier each year. I don’t think they are but really, who cares? Just go get your Jack and Coke and diapers at Target and ignore the Christmas tree’s. Really.
4. Politics. So yawn.
5. Challenges. Gawd. Just declare and STFU. You don’t need someone to challenge you, just do it. And I don’t give a care what “day” it is in the challenge. No one real talks like that, knock it off.
T for THE.
1. Okay look, it’s all cool that your 18+ year old is moving away from home and poor mommy but my gawd! There are parents you probably KNOW who’s kids no longer walk this earth. SHUT UP!
2. Lawd I’m tired of you GF folks. Now, if you truly need GF then go ahead and eat GF shit like pancakes and cookies and bread and pasta and cake. But it’s still shit. Sorry I’m not sorry. Just shut up and eat your cookie. We do.
3. Calling out terrible parents on the FB. Hey ya know what? If you’re a parent there will be some point you’ll fail. We all do. Some more horrifically than others. So what. I was at Target a few weeks ago where some F.C. busybody called the police on another mother. Yes, it happened. I had to leave before getting physical with Ms. busybody with her baby in a 100+ dollar stroller. See, some of us parents struggled at some time and we may have made poor decisions in desperate moments that we just “got” through. Ya know what you could have done instead of call the police you FFC, you could have lent a hand. Since you had two free. Instead you got the police involved in someone else’s life you piece of shit. Anyways.
4. Bathroom selfies. Please. Stop.
5. All of these surveys saying who you would actually be if you were interesting. You’re you. If you don’t like it, get off the computer and make yourself interesting. Cuz you’re stuck with you. Duh.
F for FUCK.
1. Bound to see four by 7am.
2. Bound to see four by 5pm.
3. Free FU. You’re welcome.
4. Hopefully see at least one where someone tears a tendon or breaks their face on an epic fail during the day.
5. These. Holy shit we’re gullible. You actually click on something that challenges you’re a complete cold hearted ass if you don’t cry. Hey, ya know what makes me cry? When bad things happen to me or someone I love. Sometimes even when good things happen to me or someone I love. Or when I step on a Lego. That hurts really bad. See, I don’t wanna cry every day so I won’t click on some stupid melodramatic video with equally melodramatic music.
UP for what we need more of.
1. Whenever someone takes The Onion seriously and gets on the FB it’s like Christmas. Thank you Moron, you’re a moron.
2. Uhhhhhh, baby panda videos. They’re awesome.
3. Have you seen the pillow fight prank video? This guy walks around with two pillows, throws one at an innocent victim and proceeds to start a pillow fight with the unsuspecting dude or dudette. One of the funniest things I’ve seen on the internet in a long time.
4. Amazing lifts coming out of Kazakhstan. Very cool.
5. Cool food and drinks. Yes please.
! for filler. Heh.
1. Who doesn’t love a good pet picture. Especially if it’s a pet pig.
2. Mark you space if you get a video from Gant, Jim, or Dave cuz it’ll be hilarious.
3. First, mark your space if you’ve seen Kim K’s fat, photo shopped ass and then stop looking at it.
4. You should all have a mint on this space by now.
5. These people freak me out, much like how Clowns freak other people out. I don’t want to see that shit even if it’s at the expense of winning for the day.
And there ya go. Game on folks. If you can tell me how to take a Word Doc and put it into a jpeg so I can just post it pretty, I’ll change it. If not, you’re left to have to click and print. I’m witty and bitchy, not computer brilliant. Deal.
Some people die at 25 and aren’t buried until 75.
Benjamin Franklin
tosabarbell 