This week, Cam Newton; according to the weaselly Mike of Mike and Mike show, set back black quarterbacks in the NFL 30 years by making a comment that he thought it was funny (funny weird not funny haha) that a woman reporter was asking him about zone plays. Or something like that. I don’t care. First off, fuck off NFL. You started the process of not being welcome in our home last year and solidified it this year. We literally will watch Return of the King on TNT for the 847th time before an NFL game.

Now, I did hear about the comment on morning radio and thought it was funny. And true. Look, there are women (and even some men) who understand football and really just appreciate the game. I’m one of those and to be honest, I really thought I knew the game until I started banging a former football player (it’s ok, I married him so the gods approve) and he’s taught me so much more that now I can recognize plays forming and even (sometimes) understand the difference between a lineman and a linebacker. Sometimes.

But Cam fucked up and the MSM told us to be outraged about his comment. Sponsors fired him; he tearfully (I really don’t know if he tried to summon a tear. It just fits the narrative better and all we want these days is narrative) apologized and stated his words were unacceptable. Unacceptable. Jesus. We allow millions of unborn children to be murdered every year; children to be tortured and abused by their own parents, and four thousand other heinous crimes in America every day but doG forbid some athlete say something honest and stupid. At this point I view the media as a flowing fog that is just flying through the air of America looking for some inane topic to attach itself to and when they find it, they sink their teeth in and unleash hell.

It’s actually Saturday and I surprisingly feel pretty good but I just really thought this was funny. Please to enjoy.

We live in an age where everything is offensive. But wait a minute. If everything is offensive, nothing can be offensive. It’s so fucking diluted that Joe Public is reading the paper to see what they should uprise against on any given day.

Oh hey, last week my son and his friends took part in a protest in Madison to legalize medical marijuana. I asked if they angrily raced their fists and he says, “Mom, everyone was stoned. No one was angry.” There ya go. More pot, less angry Americans.

I dunno, I would really just love if all of those outraged at Cam Newton could gather together and direct said rage at the IOC and all athletic organizations who are allowing boys and men to infiltrate their female classes and steal medals and records set by girls and women. Because that would actually mean something. But that would take work and work doesn’t fit the narrative.

First World problems…or, errrrr…

I miss Benny Hill. Sunday nights were Benny Hill and then the Smother Brothers. The Smother Brothers looked like Sunday school teachers after Benny Hill but being able to laugh at it all was a gift. Throw in an episode of Get Smart and Monty Python and you’ve got a perfect fuckin’ night. See, that’s what America is missing. Benny Hill. Laughing at outrageously inappropriate and offensive content.

See, in the olden days, we had enemies. Real enemies that posed a threat to the freedoms that Americans hold dear. But now we’re told to embrace cultures that directly oppose American values. By god, can you imagine if President Reagan would have said, “Mr. Gorbachev, we would prefer if you tore down that wall but we want to be respectful of your culture and values so really, just do what you want and we’ll all go out for Schnitzel afterwards. Well, in West Germany that is.”

See, for whatever reason, some in America want Americans to be the common enemy of Americans. And you’re letting them. Every overreaction. Every fake offensive outcry. Every time you refuse to listen to another’s point of view. Every fake news story shared. Gods, remember when Fake news was funny? The Onion. That was funny shit and NOTHING was off limits. Now, we’re ready to jump on each other (and not in a fun, happy ending kind of way) for any perceived slight. It’s boring. Stop it. Be nice. Be honest. Be honorable. Stop fighting on the Facebook, above all else, stop fighting on the Facebook. Stop contributing to this shit. Allow another view in your home without resorting to calling names. None of this “agree to disagree” bullshit. It’s called disagree and it’s perfectly okay. Matt and I do it all the time and still seem to live in perfect harmony. (Okay, we’re not a fucking Coke commercial but you get the point.)

Stop making your fellow Americans the enemy. Stop allowing the media to push a narrative that pits you against your neighbor (unless your neighbor is Francis. He’s an asshole and probably a Commie anyway.) American values are to be celebrated. Strong family units without the bullshit. Strong marriages (by the way, I am always inspired by strong marriages. There’s no secret to them. Folks just decide to wake up each day, support and stay married to their person. In a non-abusive situation, I find that inspiring.) Sunday dinner. Old time shit.

And laugh. By gods, laugh. Somewhere along time Americans have stopped laughing at funny, unacceptable nasty shit. Mel Brooks; Monty Python; Benny Hill; AbFab. Whatever it is that makes you laugh, laugh.

Mongo only pawn in the game of life.

Mongo