If you haven’t seen the movie Hansel & Gretel, go ahead and do it. It’s pretty fun and the witch scenes are super cool. I like movies that entertain and don’t fucking lecture from Hollywood writers and actors on how I should be living my life. 

This past weekend, the hubs and I hit the road and drove a whirlwind New England tour that included the worlds greatest Pizza (Pepe’s in New Haven); Chinese dumplings (Portland), and of course a Lobstah roll (Bahston.) We had amazing beer in Lipswich and came upon a restaurant in New Hampshire that had been flipped by Robert Irvine along a stream overlooking a covered bridge. I can now say that I understand why everyone says New England is beautiful. It truly took my breath away in many parts and due to the warm fall, there were still many colors on the trees that mirrored in the crystal clear waters in the many lakes and streams. It was stunning. I absolutely loved it. If we weren’t so old and tired, we really could have whooped it up but we did our best and coming home craving protein and eggs tells me I did my junk food consumption proud!

One stop I really wanted to make was Salem. I have always had an intrusive curiosity of the witch trials in Salem and the fact that these events have been so romanticized in books, movies, and television persuade  young girls  to believe that being a witch and perhaps being burned (didn’t happen by the way) would be “Super cool.” I had sent a note off to our Tavern tour guide in Boston asking if she knew of any Salem tours that weren’t cheesy. Her quick reply, nope. Uhhhh, okay. Direct but that’s what I wanted. Because of  our Tavern Tour in Boston and her expertise and professional way it was delivered, we have high expectations for tours. However, we decided to stop for a few hours anyway, have a snack and tour around ourselves a bit and see what’s what in Salem.

After having some noms Calamari and cocktails, we walked to a local cemetery that included the grave sites of some of the famous of Salem and alongside held a very sweet memorial to the victims of the witch hysteria. 

People left various prizes for the victims on these stone benches jutting out from a stone wall and from now on, I’ll always travel with a little something to leave in case the opportunity arises again to pay homage to the situation.

While walking around the cemetery, there were two tour groups huddled together separately with both tour guides giving their take of the witch trials. It was horrible. Cheesy while wearing costumes and trying to charm the tour customers. Using their voices to try to bring fear to some words while humor to others. Theater. Disrespectful. Awful.

We quickly hot stepped it out of there and moved on to the memorial. Better. I don’t know quite how to explain it, the energy was smooth. Flowers and beads, candles and even dolls left on various benches brought a lighter feel but it was still very respectful. I liked it. We walked to each bench and read each name. Most of these women were turned in as witches by their husbands. I cannot fathom the betrayal felt prior to the fear and knowledge that they were about to be killed because their husband wanted to feed a mob. Kinda takes asshole to a different level eh?

Anyways.

It had a FAR better energy than the cemetery itself and along with a gorgeous, sunny and 70’s day, we had a nice 10 minutes walk around the memorial. Until the end. That’s when a tour of four or five people stopped at the very end of the memorial so we were somewhat blocked off. Now, while I will always show respect to the locals and especially someone just making a living, this tour guide was horrible. Barely able to fit into his 5XL Pats jersey, talking while trying to catch his breath from the presumably walk around the corner and looking as if he’s ready to drop at any moment so someone can just roll him into the cemetery and let him  decompose on his own, his whole demeanor was “Just give me my money and let me stop walking.”

It gets worse. Two of his attendees, also whipped from whatever walk they just had, sat their fat asses on one of the memorial benches while listening to Pats jersey guy trying to catch his breath. Crushing whatever gifts left for the spirits and energy of that particular victim without even a glance. FOK!

That was it. We’re out of here. Fuck this place. I imagine in three hundred years this is what the Oklahoma City bombing memorial will look like. Or the Trade Center memorial. People treating it as a joke and a way to earn a buck. Because this is how it starts. Right now. The way we’re heading.

The disrespect starts quietly and gains momentum based on what the current mob mentality is. Currently it is that traditional values are viewed as racist and white supremacist. Loving your country is frowned upon at best, ridiculed at worst. This past week, the President of the management group of the Green Bay Packers praised his players for wanting to use their work as a platform for “change.”

Uhhhhh, ok. Which “change” exactly are we discussing? “Change” of the high rate of domestic violence in your league? Drug abuse? Murder? Drunk Driving? Black on Black crime within their own inner cities? Which platform do you want to change cuz that sounds pretty cool. I mean, I dunno what protesting the National Anthem has to do with that but anyways, which “change” are we talking about?

While they sit their asses on the memorial benches of veterans and police who have died trying to make THEIR America better, which “change” have they affected? None. But they have their beloved Press (nee “Mob”) and are ensured to be viewed in some kind of positive light even while they sit their millionaire fat asses on the memorial benches of Americans.

Eventually, the people of Salem realized that the people they murdered were probably not witches and “oops.” 300 plus years later, we can still talk about this dark period in our history and, hopefully, pay homage to those affected. I wonder if in another 300 years, Americans will be able to discuss issues WE’VE fucked up with respect and learn from our mistakes.

Basically, will they be better than us? I just really, really hope so.

How strangely will the Tools of a Tyrant pervert the plain Meaning of Words!

Samuel Adams