Why You’re Better Off at PF Than the Internet

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This won’t make you strong…but it likely won’t damage you either.

***UPDATE***

Bigg has told me that this article is in regards to air squats only. W!T!Fukkkkkkkk! I didn’t even make it that far. However; in fairness to this particular dipshit writing on the internet: putting your back into flexion. No.

Post could have ended there.

This article is making it’s rounds on The Facebook among the Highland Games group. It’s written by a physical therapist, apparent immediately when number one is about Ankle Mobility. But I’m getting ahead of myself here. I simply commented “no” on a friend’s FB page and he asked me to go on. So here ya go par’tner (he’s Texan, that’s how they talk down thare.)

First off, the internet meme mythos that children (toddlers usually) have the perfect squat form, even when loaded with a 2# pvc “barbell” is so deliciously representative of the “Oooooo that’s cool but I don’t wanna think if it’s correct so I’ll just agree” world we live in now that it I wonder if anyone ever thinks anything through anymore. Children, healthy children, plop down like this:

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Because they see cool shit on the ground and want to pick it up and put it in their mouth. So they do so and their levers are such that it oftentimes looks like the above picture. Cuz they’re little people, growing. Which means, hopefully if you feed them lots of tasty beast food, that they’ll KEEP growing and those nearly perfectly even levers will morph into an adult body where by now we’ve learned not to pick shit up off the floor and put it in our mouth. But mostly, this is a toddler in an UNLOADED situation. Which makes the entire argument invalid because we’re talking about squatting loaded. With a barbell. Not even remotely the same. Move on.

And then comes the Asian argument. Well, Asians sit that way so we should too. At the surface, again, they are UNLOADED. We are talking about a barbell squat. We should move on. But you know me, that doesn’t happen often. Using an entire culture of people who MAY sit like this at times because they are living in an undeveloped part of the world or in poverty and saying “See! That’s how they sit all day long and they’re strong and healthy” is, at best, misinformed. It’s like saying “Asians eat all that soy and look at how heart healthy THEY are!” No, they don’t. They eat some soy seasoning and tofu here and there but mostly they eat meat (yes, fish is meat. If you are a vegetarian/vegan and eat fish…you’re a bad one. It’s meat.) And to say “us Westerners” have fucked up our bodies by wearing shoes and sitting on chairs has absolutely no scientific foundation in the entire world of life. You’re wearing a track jacket and jeans in your pictures. Shouldn’t you be naked while sitting on pillows if you adhere to the rubbish you write? And actually, ALL the Asians I know sit in chairs…and eat a crap ton of meat. And they’re doing just fine. They wear shoes too. There were some Asians in Hawaii who fit the model the author is speaking of. They were the most destitute homeless people I’ve ever seen in my life and it broke my heart.

Anyways. Now we can actually address the arguments of the article.

1. Ankle Mobility. You know who worries about ankle mobility? Physical therapists. You know what severely affects ankle mobility? Birth defects or serious injuries. And many of those injuries that are aggressively rehabbed are just fine. Our neighbor had his foot 98% severed in a construction accident four years ago. They finally took his foot last fall (I think it was last fall, time blurs.) He was showing me the new foot he ordered off E-Bay one time saying how much better it felt from his first one. He now has a new and improved on and when I asked him about “mobility” he says, “I don’t know anything about that. I walk 10 miles a day, get up fine off the floor or off the toilet and don’t worry about my foot any more.” Ankle mobility or lack thereof is a mute point. Watch an old person get up off the chair. They dig their heels into the ground and push up because they know if they pulled their heels up, they’d fall over. If you have someone who squats and pulls their heels up, it has nothing to do with mobility. It has everything to do with you being a shitty coach and now knowing how to fix it.

2. Back pain. First off, when writing an article and pulling in past articles written by YOU, I’m on notice that you listen to you and not many others. This entire paragraph is mechanically incorrect. If you don’t lock your back in extension in a squat, you run the risk of putting it into flexion (use your words Jimmy.) We DON’T want our back in flexion when loaded. Duh. He says that when you do a full depth squat, your pelvis rotates backwards. Uhhhhh, no it don’t. Not even close. The beauty of this little paragraph is it’s finish:

The body’s position in a deep squat also produces a traction effect that decompresses the spine by creating space between the individual segments of the back.

Uhhhhhh, dude, do you even Science? You have a loaded bar on your back and your spine is in COMPRESSION! There are no individual segments of the back unless you are completely fucked and someone has taken a baseball bat to your back when you are in the middle of a PR attempt. At this point, I have to ask myself if people even read this?

3. Yes, we need to get our knees out when we squat. But squatting high; just below parallel; or ass to grass doesn’t automatically get your knees out. Good coaching does (I see a reoccurring theme here actually.) Duh.

4. If you want to strengthen your glutes (who doesn’t??), why would you load them with maximal weights and squat all the way to the bottom of the world forcing your body to loosen said glutes in order to get there and THEN decide you wanted to get back up so you’ll just tighten up on the way when you get to a position where you actually can do that. All you’ve done is put your body at risk by having a loaded bar pushing you into the earth and loosening everything up because you choose to listen to a physical therapist instead of a strength coach. And oh by the way? How’s your knee’s?

5. Posture correction, with visuals. Look at the visuals. Do you even need to read further? You do? Then you have a bad coach. Get a better coach. But stop listening to this guy. He’s not a better coach.

There is not one mechanically sound argument in this entire article. But it is highly representative of the shit out there. So if you want to listen to it, by all means, go ahead.

Me? No.

To speak and to speak well are two things. A fool may talk, but a wise man speaks.

Ben Johnson

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Monday Bacon: Go! Go! No!

banff

When I was 16, we packed up the family station wagon along with a borrowed pop tart camper and hit the road for the Western Rockies. Now, we’d already been on a few Griswold family vacations which, as torturous as they could be, really instilled in me the love for road trips and seeing funny shit along the way.

This particular time, we made a pit stop in northern Minnesota and picked up my sister who had spent time at a Swedish camp. They did a little program for us and then we hit the road again. It’s the first time I saw such a staggering display of the Northern Lights which was so bright that my dad turned the car lights off briefly (not long enough for me but long enough to freak out my mom. He liked to jack her up sometimes, it was lulz.) Since this wasn’t my first rodeo, I was prepared. Smallish boombox with my top favorite tapes ready to go and huge headphones in hand. I pretty much rode the Journey/Rush wave all the way out to the mountains.

When not smoking pot, my brother just pretty much slept the whole time. Fine with me. Once we got to our home base in Banff he met some hikers (read: more pot smokers) and we pretty much didn’t see him unless dad made him come with us to various jaunts. Still fine with me.

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It was so beautiful. I could have just sat and stared at the mountains all day. They bring a peaceful yet majestic strength to the world. I adore them.

The problem with traveling with the Peterson’s is that there’s no time to just sit and look at the mountains. We gotta go. Up early in the morning, quick breakfast and clean up and back in the car to drive and look at another mountain. I tried a full on revolt at Lake Louise when they wanted to hike a mountain to a hilltop cafe. I just wanted to sit and look out into the lake. It still remains one of the most beautiful spots in the world I’ve ever been to and I hope to go back (is there a Banff Highland Games????) My revolt fell on deaf ears and into the woods to hike I went.

Now, there are worse things in life than being forced to hike up a mountain to get to the top and grab a soda. I know. Not the point of today. The point of today is that on summer vacations we were go, go, go. We did very little “sit and read a book at the campsite” and jules really likes to “sit and read a book at the campsite” time. True story.

All of that sets the stage for how I travel now. I always want to BALANCE go time with sit time. If we need to sleep, we’ll sleep…to a point. Matt likes sleep time on vacation so HE gets to balance that with go time. It’s been tricky but we’ve got it down pretty good now. (We were visiting my wonderful cousin and her family this weekend, she made a Brazilian dish with staggering amounts of meat in it. At one point we were talking about marriage and how well they mesh with each other. I had made a comment that “it’s awesome cuz marriage is hard sometimes.” I was a little shocked at how defensive the boys got with that comment. But my opinion is that marriage is hard sometimes so the more we figure out as we go along, the more we’ll stay married. Dunno why that’s a scary thought for people. If your marriage isn’t hard at times, god bless ya. You’re rare. Put on a clinic. People love clinics.)

Anyways.

The point is, we’ve been able to strike up a nice balance of go time and chill time. We did it as best we could with what little time we had in Iceland. We missed things. Damn, guess we’ll have to go back. We have learned how much go time we can have before it gets to annoying together time (add hungry and we’re toast.) So we hit the Blue Lagoon upon arrival and then hot stepped back to our flat to chill a bit before dinner. Saturday’s weather dictated that we be outside, not in a car driving around with bits of fresh air here and there. I want to walk. Outside. Hopefully with fun food and booze stops to break up the exercise.

However; we missed something that I did want to see and that was some track and field events that Petur was coaching at. On Saturday there was a contest with fielder’s throwing the Javelin. Cool. I’ve never seen that live before and it’s such an amazing event. But I forgot to get the address for the stadium and truth be told, we didn’t want to get back in the car again (didn’t all day actually.) We saw this though:

Iceland 039

It’s the menu from the Lebowski bar (“where’s the fucking money shitheadddd?”) I dunno why, it just really cracked me up that the Nihilist’s got the Chicken wings. Kind of like, duh.

We saw a wedding party try to get through town where a street was completely blocked off by people after a record store randomly set up a dj out on the sidewalk and played annoying as fuck loud techno music.

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But no javelin throwing. We also opted out (kinda) to watch some shot and discuss on our last night. Petur gave me the address but it was cold and rainy (such babies) and after swinging by his place to get pictures from the Games we were kind of tired. But then, as we drove back into town, we went by a stadium and decided to pop in to see if that’s where he was at. Nope. Well, hey, there’s another stadium let’s look there, nope. (Yes, I could have looked on my phone but the message was on the Facebook and I couldn’t access it without wi-fi. Struggles abroad are real.) We kinda tried to see some throwing but missed it. Double damn.

So we’ve learned that a well placed flat is very important because chances are we’ll mix some go, go, go into our travels but have to equally throw in some no, no, no to keep it working for us. Even if you miss out on some awesome throwing.

Hastag travelingtoawesomeplacesandnotseeingeverythingproblems.

I think you’re all fucked in the head. We’re ten hours from the fucking fun park and you want to bail out. Well I’ll tell you something. This is no longer a vacation. It’s a quest. It’s a quest for fun. You’re gonna have fun, and I’m gonna have fun… We’re all gonna have so much fucking fun we’re gonna need plastic surgery to remove our goddamn smiles! You’ll be whistling ‘Zip-A-Dee Doo-Dah’ out of your assholes! I must be crazy! I’m on a pilgrimage to see a moose. Praise Marty Moose! Holy Shit!

Clark Griswold

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Repetitive and Repetitive

ATLANTA, GA - JULY 22:  Turkish Olympic team Naim Suleymanoglu snatches 147.5 kg on his way to win his third Olympic weightlifting gold medal in the featherweight (64) division 22 July at the Georgia World Congress Center in Atlanta with a combined world record lift of 335 kilograms. AFP - Dimitri MESSINIS  (Photo credit should read DIMITRI MESSINIS/AFP/Getty Images)

ATLANTA, GA – JULY 22: Turkish Olympic team Naim Suleymanoglu snatches 147.5 kg on his way to win his third Olympic weightlifting gold medal in the featherweight (64) division 22 July at the Georgia World Congress Center in Atlanta with a combined world record lift of 335 kilograms. AFP – Dimitri MESSINIS (Photo credit should read DIMITRI MESSINIS/AFP/Getty Images)

Sometimes important points need repeating.

1) Telling someone who is learning to Snatch to “look like this” while doing it is stupid. I know, it’s happened to me. Why don’t you tell me HOW to snatch instead of trying to make myself  “look” like a 4’10” long bodied, short legged Turkish man. I spent an entire summer when I was a teenager trying to make myself look like the Tab soda girl in the red bikini. I failed there too. Coach or GTFO.

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Photo Credit Ironmind.

2) Telling someone who is learning to throw, especially as an adult, to “look like this” is equally stupid. Doing it at a Games is colossally idiotic. You don’t have a coaching/athlete relationship with these people and have no idea how your words will be interpreted.

3) A cue is a reminder of an action that you and your lifter/thrower/whateverer have devised to achieve success for the task at hand. When I say, “eyes up” for example, my lifter knows why. It may have something to do with the eyes or it may bring a better start position overall to the lift. But we know this because we’ve lifted together. If someone gives me a cue on the fly, I will always tell (and show) them how I interpret that to ensure that we’re on the same page. Always.

4) A concept is not a cue. It is a concept that needs figuring out and on the platform or in the trig is not the time to do it in competition. On the practice field is. If your sentence starts with “think about blah, blah, blah” you are explaining a concept. Not an actual action to do.

Fucking duh.

Shortest. Post. Ever.

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The Main Event

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I can honestly say that at this moment, the only thing I was thinking was “don’t hook it into the stream, don’t hook it into the stream!”

As fun and amazing as Iceland was, one of the reasons we came here was to throw and Games day started out pretty normal. A good breakfast at the flat and a quick stop for some local style Monster drinks and away we went. Our GPS always kept things interesting and instead of staying on the highway the whole time, it took us into residential streets where (at times) it seemed like we were driving into people’s driveways. Could’ve been worse though, the Swede’s GPS took them to a gravel road and the bottom of a huge hill. Srsly…

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This is where the Swede’s ended up on their way to Selfoss thanks to their GPS. I have a suspicion that the car rental agency people just load shit like this to mess with us;)

We all met for second breakfast at a nearby cafe and walked over together for the Games. Having met a few of the competitors at Petur’s house on Friday was nice and made things more comfortable from the get go. After talking to one Icelander with a southern accent (that was weird) it turns out his Dad works for the same company as one of our best friends here in town! (The world is kinda small, just like that annoying Disney song says. How does it go? IT’S A SMALL WORLD AFTER ALL, IT’S A SMALL WORLD AFTER ALL IT’S A SMALL, SMALL, WORLD. Have fun getting THAT out of your head. You’re welcome.) All of the competitors were so nice and ALL were great throwers. That was a change for us. I think each region in the US has their top throwers and when they’re all gathered at a main Games, it’s lots of fun to watch. But Iceland? I guess you could say that they’re region is all top throwers. No surprise.

I was a bit nervous, different than pre-game jitters that instantly go away once you start moving around the field. This was throwing for an Olympian; a coach, and someone whose opinion means something to me. Even though I was the only woman on the field, I had my numbers I wanted to hit that seemed within reach but mostly I didn’t want Petur to regret letting me share the stage with all of these young men.

At breakfast, I was able to reconnect with Svavar Sigursteinsson. I first met Svavar down in Texas nearly five years ago when I did my first Highlander Event. He was incredibly friendly but I didn’t really get a chance to talk to him much. In Iceland, he came up and gave me a big hug and I tell ya what, there are just some hugs that have perfect timing. We were getting lined up to walk over and I was looking at these throwers and thinking, “what in the world am I doing here?” Svavar is very easy to talk to and, as it turns out, a huge help to me throughout the day. I understood instantly why all of the people he trained with here in the states misses him so much. He’s a great coach with a very direct but easy delivery.

We started with the heavy hammer. So, hammers, ya. Still hate ’em.

hammer

I had a particularly bad hammer day and starting out bad on an event I’m bad at was a rough start. I was off my goal by nearly 2 meters. At the end of it though I was done and I did get some interesting hammer advice from the young Swede who was in Scotland earlier this spring getting help with his hammers. I’m excited to get out and practice them. But mostly this was not what I wanted my first impression to be.

Stones were up next. Stones. In front of an Olympic shot putter. Yowzer. It wasn’t great but the help I got from Svavar, Belgian giant Tommy De Bruijn and Petur has me very excited about this event and already after one practice, things are moving better in the middle and the finish is MUCH better. I’m stoked. I can take my indoor shot and work the moves against the School across the street which I can do easily as a drills warm up to either throwing later or even lifting. A weeks forecast of rain is fine too because I’m right next door and I can run over during a rain delay. I’m so excited and SO thankful to the three of them for their help.

Moving on to Light Weight for Distance. Okay! Something I’m on solid ground with. Goodie. The trig had a layout that was a bit different than what I’m used to. Instead of long and narrow, it was wider and probably the same length but it just seemed a bit shorter with the width. You had to start in the box which is different for me so on my first toss, I started in and a bit too forward. I ran out of room and though I think that throw was probably my best, I went head over arse across the toe board. Nuts.

My second throw was better and a competition PR of 19.70 meters. Sooooo, I hit a PR in Iceland. That alone is probably one of the coolest things I’ve ever done in my athletic life. I’ll take it man, I hit a PR in Iceland. Sweet. My third throw got a bit crazy and was off my second by a meter but that’s fine. I’ve already practiced keeping my right foot turning here at home and it gives so much speed out of the back that I’ve landed on my ass a couple times. Shweet. Harness that and we’ll see what can happen. I’d really like a 70′ toss this year. I honestly don’t know if it’s in me but I hope so. I’ll work hard enough to try anyway. On to the WOB.

Tommy's wob

When we were out at the WOB, Tommy walked up without practice and smoothly launched it over at around 16′. I learned a good lesson. Relax. Do your thing.

We screwed up here. The whole meter to foot thing messed with me. I came in at 11′ and nearly bombed out. I was nervous. Way too nervous on an event that I do well in if I settle the F down. Petur’s son, Palmi:  (not Vilhelm, he’s the younger one. I learned that after asking for him when it was Palmi who was kind enough to put his beautiful pictures on a flash drive for us and got funny looks asking for young Vilhelm. Heh.) Anyways, at Petur’s house Sunday evening for dinner after throwing, while we were looking at the pictures, Petur turned around and looked at both Matt and I and said, “You came in way too early.” Yup. Way too early. Palmi, who was standing next to me, said I should be coming in a foot or two under my PR. I quickly piped in, ‘no way, I get way too nervous doing that.’  He then said something very true, and very good to me, “Fear has no place in competition. Fear is fear.” He’s right. I have no business being so scared of an event that I’m actually (in spite of my height challenges) very good at. Mybad. Not again. I was the last to go out before the three finalists went out on the next height so I’ll take it. I think in between 11′ and 14’7″ or something like that we took about five or six throws. Too many. I was pooped. OH! I also broke Petur’s WOB implement.

So in the span of the first three months of the 2015 season I’ve broken a hammer handle; two measuring tapes; my lighter Heavy Weight for Distance, and an Icelanders AD’s women’s WOB. That’s a PR for sure.

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Of course I didn’t tell Petur I broke things, I just didn’t think it would happen with his equipment!

We finished with Caber. OH! By this part of the day, it was getting cooler. Now, I thought the day was gorgeous and even warm at some points but we were moving around and the people watching were just standing in the wind. I can understand how it was cold for them but I still chuckled when, during the final WOB throws, I turned around and saw this:

drive up games

The crowd had moved to their cars and the cars had moved to the field. It was lol.

My first caber was very nice, long but lighter. I turned it at 11:55 I think which isn’t bad. I went on to the caber that the men used for their qualifier and it was a doozie. I didn’t turn it. Damn. My first pick was actually kind of nice and got some good speed going but let my hands get away from me at the end. I do that. I’ll fix it. By the third, it just felt heavy and though I picked it again, I remember it getting away from me and just yelling “shit, shit, shit” all the way until it was done. Heh. There ya go Iceland, you were grand.

caber

I honestly don’t have the words to describe what throwing here, with this group, for these helpers, with my husband and especially for this AD means to me. I just don’t know how I ended up so damn lucky. Luck I guess. Heh.

When we were getting ready to go on Sunday evening back to the flat to relax, have a couple drinks (we took to heart advice not to drink and drive in Iceland) and head to bed and saying our goodbyes, we got a few more minutes with Petur to talk throwing. I tried to explain to him that with my stones throws, I’m losing the push in the middle and ending so flat but that Svavar sent me home with some drills. He says, ‘next year you come throw and get coaching from me.’ WHAT?! I didn’t even know THAT was an option!!! Heh. He then stood up and showed me the correct finish position I want to be in to launch the stones. And that just about sums up the trip as a whole. I’m in Petur Gudmundsson’s house getting throws advice in his living room. It’s too surreal to take in. Srsly.

There are less than a handful of days in my life that I’d like a chance to do again. A few are because of the mistakes I’ve made as a mom and a chance to erase them. But this day? This is a day I’d like to relive. It was magical. It was Island, that probably doesn’t make sense but to a Hawaiian, they’ll know.

I cannot thank enough Petur, his wife Elizabeth (we share a name) and his family; Tommy De Bruijn and his lovely wife Sigrid; Svavar; all of the competitors for their encouragement and positive energy all day. Our Swedish flatmate and his father, Andreas (who WON!) and Anders for great advice and shagging for us all day. My adorable husband, to share this with him is tops. Absolute fucking tops. And to the Aina of Ice for sharing it’s spirit with us. It has power every where you turn and is by far the best place I’ve ever visited. Mahalo all. A hui hou kakou.

shaka iceland

Shaka Iceland

The thing that keeps you grounded is doing the thing you love.

Tom Hiddleston 

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