It is amusing to me and the Bigg man when people ask me to taste something and after asking how sweet it is, their instant reply is, “Not too sweet at all.” Matt will taste it, look at me, and shake his head. That’s a no-go.
Cuz I don’t do sweet. Scratch that. What I mean is that if I DO do (doo doo;) sweet, it better come in the form of Chocolate cake with frosting or pumpkin bars with cream cheese frosting. True story. I can eat the shit out of those. But then I feel no bueno. So I stay away.
I’ve tried to locate a solid number of sugar the average American eats each day but the numbers are all over the place. The one thing they DO have in common is that it’s a lot. Up to 23+ teaspoons of added sugar a day and/or up to 100 pounds of sugar per year. 23/100. Whut?
I look at the foods above and think, ‘well no one actually eats that crap on a daily basis right?’ But they do. We served up some Capri Suns with water on Saturday because the 16g of sugar per serving seemed a bit better than the 27g of sugar from the local brewery’s sodas. But not much. No one eats cereal anymore right? RIGHT!?!
Wait, whut. They do? Cereal; sodas; syrup; bread; pizza; desserts, etc. All those things I haven’t ate in years save for a bite here or there, you mean to tell me people are still eating them? FoShizzle???
Sodas and fruit juices. Really? That happens? Well okay, we did a Black Friday breakfast last weekend at LakeFront Brewery and one of their drinks was a beermosa which consisted of their Wheat Monkey mixed with OJ. Hokay, these guys have been waiting in line and drinking/sharing beer since 5am, give them a ‘betes juice. (‘betes being The Diabetes. What you get from too much sugar and shit.) But these guys have been drinking beer already for 3+ hours so they need something (anything) diluted. Drink up the ‘betes.
We were at the Iowa vs. Wisconsin football game a couple of weeks ago with some of the Wanat crew including Matt’s 8 year old nephew who loves everything Wisconsin and really loves football. He did awesome (he doesn’t like when his team loses, he gets very crabby and will cry. That’s ok, my cousin Paul used to do that too and he turned into one of my favorite people on the planet. Trent will grow out of it and be awesome.) Anyways. He did great at the game until sometime in the 3rd quarter when he started getting very jumpy and lippy and basically made me ask what was going on where his mood changed so dramatically from the rest of the game. The answer? Coke. He got a Coke from his Auntie and it affected him that quickly, that dramatically. Then in the 4th quarter he crashed and he and Auntie took the short walk back home. By the time we got home he was zombified on the couch. Poor kid.
But wait, how about healthy snacks like yogurt (I hate yogurt, always have. I tried eating it when I was younger because I thought I’d get a body like the girls on tv but I only got hungrier so ate disgusting yogurt AND a real food snack. I guess I finally realized why it didn’t work) and granola bars. And the healthy cereals. Ummmm, they don’t exist. At all.
We saw a commercial the other night about two parents who put their kids to bed and insinuated like they’re about to get it on. Instead they played their kids video games and ate the Fruit Loops. Fruit Loops. THAT’s what you want to do when your kids go to bed? But at least they’re being honest about what they’re putting in their mouth. Cuz Fruit Loops are tasty and that Kashi High Protein (and by high protein they mean low protein and high sugar) tastes like cardboard and shit mixed in a box. Bring on the Fruit Loops. I’d actually rather eat a cereal with marshmallows in it though, like Lucky Charms. Love me some Lucky Charms.
Heyyyyyy ‘merika, ya know what’s healthy about cereal? General Mills’ marketing budget. But that’s all. Ya know why Nature Valley granola bars are marketed with beautiful scenery and hikers? Cuz they need the carbs to keep going (but careful when that fiber from multiple granola bars hits the belly cuz you’ll be digging holes along the mountain side all afternoon.) True story.
Hey, ya know who could eat like this?
Ya, Lumberjacks. Ya know why?
Cuz these guys wouldn’t be eating again for a very long time but working hard in the wet and cold all day with a sandwich and potato break and guess what else, you rarely see pictures of old time fat lumberjacks.
My Grandpa Eric Hedbom worked in the logging camps of northern Minnesota. I’m guessing he’s not in this picture but I still like to think that I can see a little bit of a past he had.
So, back to the sugar feast that is current ‘merica. Since we (and by we I mean you) love the sugar added into everything and since we (and by we I mean us) pretty much keep to meat and potatoes and a tablespoon of Peter Pan peanut butter and cheese (and dry red wine;) it means that you have a faulty compass on what’s “not too” sweet. Does it taste like frosting? Kind of sweet but not really. Does it taste like hamburger with a few shakes of curry powder on it? Yuck, can’t taste anything. But then someone comes along who doesn’t eat 100# of sugar a year and our versions of ‘not too’ sweet will be completely different. As in, your ‘not too’ sweet is my inedible.
Syrupy alcohol drinks? Too sweet. Semi-dry Mead? Waaaaaay too sweet (but a very sweet prize;) Most Stouts? Too sweet. Any local wines? Fuggihtaboutit. A sliver of leftover pie before we threw them all away last night? Heartburn for an hour and a half before bedtime. Too sweet.
What’s your compass? If you can take a sip of German wine (our trip to Berlin this month has been postponed so I’m all sad and about German shit right now) and it doesn’t taste sweet, you’re in the 100# a year range.
I bet your drink the ‘betes juice too, eh?
It’s not the extremes and the treats that are the problem. It’s the everyday.
Jamie Oliver
tosabarbell 