I think I’ll bring Friday Jams back since I have a blog and I remembered the beauty music brings into my life, especially when I need some beauty in my life. This, pause, is one of those weeks.
If you’re a fan of Ted Lasso, you may remember the hauntingly soft song played after the “No Weddings & a Funeral” episode. The singer, Molly Drake, lived a not so common war time life but liked to entertain people close to her playing the piano and singing.
The song, I remember, seems a fitting play for the week. I remember good times being Pastor John’s daughter, and I remember horrible times being Pastor John’s daughter. At the end of the day, memories serve us in ways to enrich your life, or to warn you of danger, or to allow you to wallow in your shit. How you use them is up to you. I’ve known people whose entire identity is their trauma and the attention they get for it. Gross.
Not being in my parents life the last nearly 15 years doesn’t mean I won’t mourn their deaths. I’m not a robot, I have feelings. Reconciling the pain with the joy will most likely be a lifetime effort, I’ve got this. Last night I was in pain. Today, I’m good. Check in in another 10 minutes, it will probably change. Mourning alone brings its difficulties and it’s perks. I’m not dealing with the melodrama of my sister and my sister-in-law (I think she’s still my sister-in-law, I’ve heard conflicting stories, don’t care. They’re all horrid people) which is a perk. I’m mourning with no one around who knew my dad, that’s lonely.
So for this week, and for Pastor John; Lynda; Grandpa; Grandma; Grandma Carlson; and Mama Bear, I remember.
I rest in the grace of the world and am free