What’s your bench?

It is inevitable, that when someone (mostly bro’s) hears that I strength train or compete in a strength sport will ask, “What’s your bench?” It’s nauseating. Of course I lie. Why? Because it’s a bullshit question. Ask me what my squat is; or where my PR deadlift occurred; or my worst Highlander event. Ask me ANYTHING worthwhile to show me that you know your way around the strength training world. But if all you know is a partial bench press, then my answer is usually, “5# more than you dude.”

Bench lies aside, I’ve been curious for quite some time why folks play make believe on the internet with their numbers. I’ll be the first to admit, I’m naive on the subject. Years ago, I whined to Stef how a girl who weighs about 30 pounds less than me, with less athletic talent, can post numbers bigger than mine on her training log. Her answer? “She’s lying dude!” (BTW, don’t call me dude. I’m not a dude. I’m a chick.)

Anyways.

My response? “Huh? People lie on their logs about their weights? Why?” Which got an eye roll and that was the end of the conversation. News to me. I don’t get it. I have literally been on the competition floor with people who’ve later lied about the amount of weight they moved. It boggles my mind. Telling some douchebag bro that I bench more than him is one thing, lying to others in the strength world makes you this:

People, you own your training. Numbers are only as important as you make them out to be. My PR squat is the warm up of many other women. Do I care? No. It’s my PR. Is it humbling to bench 100# less than a local Strongwoman who trains at the gym while I rehab my back? Yup. Will I EVER catch her (real this time) bench? Nope. But my numbers are my own and I’ll own them. They may not be as impressive as I’d want them to be, but lying just makes me a douche AND weak. Unacceptable.

Deadwood quote of the day:

“Ya, glad I taught you THAT fucking word.”

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Just Say No

It’s tough being a fat kid. By that I mean if I actually ate the Prawns in creme served on a ginormous home made crouton pictured above, I’d have gained three pounds. I’m not talking about three pounds of bloated water weight that will go away before I even get on the plane to come home, I mean three pounds that stay with me until I’m done walking the earth. OR I’ll need to push the prowler for a mile or two, daily, to work it off. The above dish was for one of our coaches who was gearing up for his next powerlifting meet and needed to gain weight. Boys suck.

I’ve been resigned to the fact that I’m an easy gainer for a while now. It’s how I’m built. It’s also extremely difficult for me to take weight off so letting things go for a week or two isn’t an option. ADD in the fact that we travel each month and have opportunities to enjoy very good food all over the country and it’s a recipe for my waistline disaster.

It’s not fair. I train hard. I’m consistent with conditioning. I push my prowler in addition to other conditioning and I still can’t eat like a fat kid wants. I want bread. I want sugar. I want JUST ONE of these amazing bars a friend (who only lives a few blocks away) just made:

Photo: Surely one.....

But I can’t. Nor can we (Bigg and I) bring home a tub of mouthwatering homemade strawberry sauce to put on ice cream we had at another friend’s house last weekend. (Poor Bigg.) Because what happens is that exposure to unadulterated sugar sets something off in my head. I start to negotiate with myself that “just a bite” is all I need. Suddenly, “just a bite” turns into “just one.” See the pattern?

I’ve trained and coached other fat kids. They come in all forms. Twenty something men who think because they train, they can eat anything they want. Dude! You’re a fat kid, cut it out with the carbs. And the group I most feel sorry for, women who want to eat like a fat kid and later complain that their training isn’t working. I’ve had to fire a couple of those women and it broke my heart. But if you’re not willing to try outside of the gym, I’m not going to listen to you blame me for my part not working.

Some of us are just built that way. It sucks. But it’s fact so we need to deal. Will I turn my back on those delicious bars every time? Nope. But I can recognize when my carb intake starts to get into the danger zone and dialing it in again will help. So this isn’t my week for bars; or more strawberry sauce; or more english muffins with my eggs; or…well you get the picture.  Today is protein; and more protein; and some scrumptious fat; and then more protein. And I’ll hope *COUGHMO* that those bars, or others like them, are made again when I’m more dialed in so I CAN have one.

Just one.

To me, life without veal stock, pork fat, sausage, organ meat, demi-glace, or even stinky cheese is a life not worth living.

Anthony Bourdain

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Expect more with less…

It’s been a little over a month now that I’ve been training in a commercial gym. See, a person gets pretty sheltered training at a facility like WFAC.  The majority of people I coached there who moved away would call or text me when they arrived at their new digs and say, “Find me a gym like WFAC.” My response? “It doesn’t exist. Deal.”

So now I’m following my own advice and dealing with it. There are two gyms here in in town where I can get in my strength and conditioning work in. My Weightlifting training has taken a hit but that will come back fine when we get our gym up and running with the proper equipment and set up. No worries. Though I haven’t seen any of the personal trainers at one of the gyms I’ve been to, they have five (yes, 5!) gym dogs (big dogs) which makes the place awesome.

The training sessions at the other gym are painful to watch. Most of the trainers work out with their clients. Uhhh, people…don’t let them do that. You’re paying them for their time and hopefully their expertise. I can guarantee you that if they are so lazy in their own training that they don’t do it off hours, they’re lazy about yours. Expect, no, demand for more. Also know that if they are training with you, the exercises you’re doing are for them. Obviously. You are doing what THEY need to do that day.

The next thing I’ve observed is the randomness of the sessions. One of the most egregious of all personal trainer fails is their insistence that YOU keeping a log is unnecessary. They’ve got it alllllll figured out in their head. I”m not going to get into the utter bullshit about the fads of muscle confusion and machine circuit training in general but if you’re not keeping a log, how do you know you’re getting stronger? Because they say so? Uh uh. Doesn’t fly. A good strength coach or trainer will require you to keep a log. You’ll review your programming and your log on a regular basis. You’ll see where, or why,  you’re struggling with a certain lift or the program in general. But KNOW THIS, you need a program to follow for long term progress. (Not results. We don’t use the term *results*. It’s stupid and non-productive. Anyone can get a result if enough immediate stress is applied. We want progress. We need to be doing this the rest of our lives for progress.)

Anyways.

The glaring error in the personal training I’ve observed is the complete lack of knowledge they possess in most things strength related. The conversations I hear range from how many girls they banged the weekend before; to why people suck; to why their lives  are so awesome/awful; but never why form needs to be adjusted. Or why we’re lifting the way we lift. Or why our program needs to be tweaked. Or how the diets of clients need to be tweaked. Remember, you’re paying these people for their “expertise.” So make them SHOW IT! If they’re treating you like their own personal sounding boards, guess what? They give one shit about your progress (although they probably use the word ‘results’) and more about hearing themselves talk 8 hours a day.

Expect more! With less! Less bullshit, more knowledge. Less random exercises, more detailed program. Less their workout session, more yours.

Deadwood Quote of the Day:

“… Ma’am, listen to the thunder.”

Wild Bill Hickok

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Friday jams

It’s a bit grainy; stops short; but it’s old school. And it’s from one of the best.

Deadwood quote of the day:

Sayin’ questions in that tone and pointin’ your finger at me will get you told to fuck yourself. 

Cy Tolliver

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