Monday Bacon: Old Fashioned

Posted on September 11, 2016 by tosabarbell
oldfash

Diamonds aren’t this girl’s best friend, a maple bacon Rye Old Fashioned is.

I will admit, that at almost 50, I have (at times) unrealistic expectations on what a good relationship is between a man and a woman. I blame my grandparents and Nora Roberts.

Now, I’m not saying my grandparents were perfect and as is sometimes the case, my relationship with them was completely different than that of someone else’s. My cousins in Wisconsin had an entirely different view of Grandma than I grew up with and while I’m sorry that they didn’t get the good parts, I’m glad I did.

See, my Grandma was a lady. In every sense of the word. Now, she didn’t grow up rich, in fact she grew up as opposite of rich as one can be. She did not have an easy life but she grew up with class and by the time I came around, I got to see how Grandpa treated her. Always loving; always respectful, never in any way that would give a stranger the impression that he didn’t adore her. He loved to tease her and she would reply with a calm smile knowing she was being teased but wanted to let her husband have his fun. One of my most special memories of Grandma was one of our last. When she was in the nursing home, had completely lost any memories of me and most of her husband but he was teasing her about donuts appearing out of thin air and she just smiled her calm smile with a twinkle in her eye and I could just feel her knowing that her husband was there having some fun.

And she let him.

Grandma always had her fingernails painted; I never heard her raise her voice yet her boys always showed her love and respect; she almost always wore dresses (I remember she had a pair of pink polyester pants she liked to wear. I just thought it was pretty cool that my Grandma wore pink polyester pants), and never ever, ever never, EVER showed any impropriety in any way. That was Grandma.

Now, clearly, I’ve not adopted all of Grandma’s traits. I was only 21 when she died and was 17 when she was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s so the majority of my memories of her were from my childhood. But even in my early teens I was in awe of her and I just felt deep down that I would never quite match up the goodness of my Grandma. Which made her all the more special.

However, I am like my Grandma in one major way and that is of being Old Fashioned (not the tasty beverage but I love those too) when it comes to my behavior around men, especially as a wife of one. Oh sure, there have been times in my past where I was a silly girl with not enough self esteem so I went searching for some in ways that did not honor myself or my values but eventually we all grow out of those (ya, I know not all of us do. Kinda the point of today.) But I believe that how I behave around other men and how women behave around, especially, married men says a lot as to how they wander through life.

See, I’m nearly ancient. I believe a woman, married or single, should not put herself (yes, often times this is out of her control, not the point of today) in a situation where “grey” area becomes questionable as to motives. In simple speak, don’t be flirty with married men. Ever. Don’t hang on them; don’t constantly touch them; don’t behave in a way that if someone were seeing how you’re behaving from across the room, they could wonder if you’re coming on to someone. I believe all of that IS in our control.

Do we give hugs to other men? Yup! Sometimes even kisses (Marcel of Strongman Champions League will give you three, he’s special.) But we don’t linger in these hugs; we don’t portray in any way inappropriate thoughts where the receiver of these “good touches” feels uncomfortable. Matt knows this. It may not even be physical contact. When I have an interaction on the computer with a man, Matt knows about it (someday I’ll tell you about one of the funniest PM interactions on the planet I had recently with our favorite 3 Floyds bartender. When asking if we can do a little something special for Matt’s birthday dinner we have coming up there this coming Friday, he thought I meant a threesome with HIM being Matt’s little something special. We lulzed pretty hard about that one. I don’t think Gregg the bartender was serious but even so, we lulzed. I also told Gregg that he’s not ready for Matt;)

I don’t share these things to cover my ass with Matt, I share these things to avoid any type of impropriety of having a private conversation with another man, no matter how innocent the conversation may be. I dunno, I just saw my Grandma walk through life where no one ever questioned her actions and thought, ya-I like that.

I’ve known women (and men for that matter) whom are extremely, physically affectionate. In almost all cases, that’s fine. Whatev, that’s how they want to walk through life. I think I am too but I try to respect boundaries and I do understand that those boundaries are fairly subjective. We had a situation earlier this Highland Games season where one woman, a very nice woman, made my husband feel uncomfortable with her affectionate behavior. Honestly, that blew me away.

See, if you know Matt you already know that he’s kind, and funny, and smart, and strong, and super hunky, and a good person. What you may not know is that in most cases when it comes to women, he’s completely oblivious. I’ve seen women rub up against him when I’ve stepped away from my seat out in public and it cracks me up because he doesn’t even know it’s happening. I’m pretty sure that it would take a woman shoving her bare tits in his face before he realizes he’s being flirted with, it’s hilarious. So when he told me of this situation where he had to hotstep it da fuck out of this women’s personal space (that, it sounds like, she had invaded in the first place) so no one would take a look and wonder if there’s something going on between the two of them, I took notice.

Now, I know that there was never any intention by this person to make him uncomfortable (okay, I don’t know. But I trust it to be so. She and I are no longer friendly but I do trust this) but, in my opinion, there are times where she was too physical with married men. Again, this is most likely on me and my being so old fashioned. In fact, another man brought her name up at a post Games dinner later in the year about how flirtatious she was being. Matt shared his story and I chimed in, “At times she’s too physical with married men, or at least, my married man.” Now, she was not there to defend herself and this is something I’d gladly tell her face to face. Because I don’t think she knows that there are times where she may cross a line. But that was my feeling.

Unfortunately, my feeling got shared from someone else sitting at that dinner but instead of saying, “OMG Juli’s such a bitch, she said you’re grabby on her hubs and even Matt said that he’s felt uncomfortable around you” the message got switched to, “Ya, so Juli said that you sleep around with all the Pro’s and chase an old flame.” Um, ya. Not so much but whatev. I feel bad that two of us got played by one stupid girl who never left the junior high and likes to hurt other people with her words. I feel bad that she made this other nice woman feel bad. I wish I would have just grabbed her and pulled her aside and said something like, “ya know, I don’t think you know you do this but sometimes you’re a bit grabby on the married or committed men of the world. It may be I’m too old fashioned but it may be that it can raise flags as to your intentions and I know you’re a good person and would never want that to be portrayed. Cool?”  I wish I’d have done that.

Anways. I never saw my Grandma put her hands on another married man and while she did give hugs, it was always in plain sight of Grandpa. I never once saw my Grandpa question my Grandma’s behavior . This wasn’t blind trust, this was respect for each other and their relationship. I like that. Yes, it’s old fashioned, but it’s me. Obviously, sometimes my delivery of that belief gets me in trouble. But I stand by it. I live it. My husband knows it, and, by the way also lives it.

Sorry not sorry.

Appearances are a glimpse of the unseen.

Anaxagoras

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Today, I Just Want To Sit and Cry

Posted on September 8, 2016 by tosabarbell

In general, I’m pretty stoic. I was told that when I was around ten or eleven. It took me another 10 years until I finally looked it up. But ya, stoic. I guess you could attempt to discipline 3 year old Juli and she gave no fucks. So, blame her for today’s attitude.

Anyway. I don’t cry much. Women who use tears for manipulation don’t last long around me. Men? Forget it. Reasons men can cry: their dog died; their child died; their wife died; their parent died. In that order. I don’t want a man who’s fucking sensitive. My god, the pussification of men in America is epic (and not in a good way.) Using tears to get your way or detour a fight is so cowardly that I. Can’t. Even.

But I’m not a robot. I cry. Usually on my own but it happens. It happens every December 7. That is the day my biological mother was born and I have pictures of her. So beautiful and young. And on December 31st (or it may legally be January 1st, 1971) she died. I was four and had already been adopted by the Peterson’s who whisked me away to the Great White North of Carlton, Minnesota where I assumed snow was their method of wanting to kill me. Now I love it. Shrug.

But on December 7 each year I grieve for the mother I never knew. Who didn’t get a chance to “make it.” Who never got to see that her kids “made it.” Whom I never got a chance to tell, “it’s okay. You did the best you could. I’m okay. I did good.” That makes me sad. So I cry. Wine is usually involved. Sue me.

My husband has seen me cry less than five times. I actually remember only two but I’ll assume there were a couple more and round it off to five. So in conclusion, I don’t cry much.

But every year for the last 15, I want to just sit and cry around this time of year. Cuz:

cry.

I watched a movie today on Netflix called World Trade Center with Nicholas Cage. It made me cry. In general, Nicholas Cage doesn’t make me cry. In fact, I don’t watch movies with Nicholas Cage. Barf. But, I’ll watch this one. And it made me cry.

And in the next few days, I’ll watch more. I’ll watch documentaries; I’ll watch movies; I’ll watch reinactments. Because honestly, I just want to sit and cry.

It’s been 15 years, and still, I want to cry.

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I remember that day. Crystal clear. It was a gorgeous, fall day. We had just had a garage sale the weekend before. The kids were off to school and the Ozman and I were hanging out. I watched the “Today” show back then. Mostly to see what moronic, inane shit they would say (still do occasionally) when suddenly the first Trade Tower explosion came on live tv. And then the 2nd. I sat there watching saying, “what the fuck.” Seriously. What the fuck was going on???

I packed up Oz into his car seat and ran out to my folks to return some tables I’d borrowed for the garage sale and my dad was “scrambling” to get to a meeting. (Pastor John scrambles, at least, he did. He never went anywhere without saying, “I’m in a scramble, gotta go” to ensure that you knew how busy he was. It drove me nuts.) Just as I was pulling into their driveway, WCCO reported that a plane had crashed into the Pentagon in Washington DC. For me, that was the moment where I realized that something very serious was happening in America. We were under attack. This is so fucking bad.

So when I walked into Mom and Dad’s house and asked my dad if he’s been paying attention to the news today, and he said, “I guess, leave the tables in the garage and get going. I’m in a scramble and need to get to Dassel” I kind of shut down. That was it. Our country was under attack and instead of sitting down and giving comfort, you need to get to a meeting. Bye Felicia.

So I went home. Hugged my son. Watched for updates and cried. Bad day America. Bad day. I went for coffee with a friend and we cried. Then I went and had lunch with the Z’s at school. It was pizza day. Their friends were bemoaning how awful the pizza was. Seriously, it hit me that when these kids hate the horrible school lunches they actually go around 8 hours without eating anything. Zandra’s little friend Kelby  gave me, in detail, the bullet points of how school pizza sucks. It was a nice distraction.

But it occurred to me, during that pizza lunch, that these kids won’t remember this bad day. Some day, when they get older, they won’t remember. They won’t know how bad this day was. They won’t remember the shrieks on the television when that second plane hit.

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DoD photo by Tech. Sgt. Cedric H. Rudisill. (Released)

They won’t understand how absolutely heroic a group of people were on a plane flying over Pennsylvania ensured that only their lives were lost by fighting terrorists 10,000 feet up in the air. See, our kids think Bruce Jenner is heroic. Who’s fucked up in that scenario?

We remember how suddenly Americans were one. I remember how neighbors were nicer to each other (I don’t know if our fucknutt neighbor, Francis, was nicer to his neighbors at the time. I assume not but who knows.) I remember the one question on everyone’s mind,

WHAT CAN I DO?

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I remember hearing that the rescue dogs at ground zero were depressed. Dogs. Depressed. That their job was to rescue, and they weren’t finding anyone to rescue. So they became depressed. Mother.

Fuck.

I remember a work trip on the weekend of an anniversary of 9/11 in Brooklyn, NY where we came out of a shop and I popped across the street where candles still burned alongside of the brick building of a fire station where 4 firefighters lost their lives. I remember that completely helpless feeling of how our lives would change and yet, would remain the same because at the end of the day, I didn’t know anyone who died. I wasn’t involved.

I remember. I realized, talking once with a former client who was in her early 30’s and mentioned last year that she didn’t really get the big deal of 9-11, that to people younger than 40’s something may not remember how bad this was.

See, we’ve been brainwashed to believe that fellow American’s are the enemy. That it’s us against us and that some lives (pick a color) matter more than others. We’ve forgotten that bad day where (it seemed) American’s stood against the world and said,

NOT ON OUR FUCKING WATCH! THIS IS AMERICA AND WE HAVE EACH OTHER’S BACKS. FUCK OFF. WE WILL END YOU IF YOU EVEN TRY.

I remember how we stood together. How it was a positive being patriotic. Today, I heard part of a speech from our President where he said, “Americans are lazy, they think the world is small and don’t care what happens around them.” Well Mr. President, you don’t know me. You don’t speak for me. You have no idea how I feel about Laos or any neighboring countries. But I’ll tell you this,

I love my country. I’m proud of it. It’s survived far worse than you and it will continue to survive. And guess what, there are others like me. They come in all shapes; all sizes; all nationalities; all religions; all political spectrums, from all over. I’m aware of problems around the globe and do care. But first and foremost, America matters.

So when America hurts…

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…we all hurt. And we become better for it. Just watch us.

We’re young men. We’re not ready to die.

Kevin Cosgrove, who was on the 105th floor of the south tower moments before it collapsed.

 

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Monday Bacon: Get Better

Posted on August 27, 2016 by tosabarbell
condition2

Thanks to Douglass Sissk for the photo. It’s my favorite from last years Games in Pleasanton. I’ll be a bit melancholy next weekend not going but will be wishing everyone strong showings. 

Warning, there is some tough love in this one. If you’re offended by tough love, move on. There’s sure to be an awesome puppy or panda video you can watch instead and receive warm fuzzy’s instead of frustration. You’ve been warned.

Last weekend in Buffalo, I had a chance to have some quiet time with some of my favorite throwers on the planet. Friday morning, Bonnie Hicks came over to the hotel with two of her brood and we got a chance to chat while I threw money at the boys in the swimming pool. It was awesome.

Now, if you’ve paid attention around here, you know I far prefer my quiet connection with people over a huge group setting where you get 4 minutes of surface talk and move on to the next 4 minute surface talk. I understand that in these big groups, that’s all you’re going to get at registration time or lunch or whenever we’re all hanging oot. But that doesn’t make it any less torturous for this introvert. It’s loud chaos and it stresses me oot (I was around Canadia’s all last weekend, we’re going with the ‘oots’ and ‘aboots’ for now.)

So a whole hour with Bonnie was a treat. We talked training; trainers; Games; jobs; Virginia; DC; kids; hubbs, basically a wide variety of topics. OH! And dinner. She set us all up to eat at a Brazilian Steak House that night which was so amazing I didn’t want it to end (but then I did. That happens fast at those places!)

Back to the Games. We were talking about how many Games offered a Women’s Masters class around our regions. Now, up here we’re pretty spoiled. Jason Clevenger has had a Women’s Masters class for a few years now. Merl Lawless has the women throw together but the Master’s ladies (I dunno, I just like saying ‘ladies’ instead of ‘women.’ I really don’t know why. Maybe because the term “lady” is underused these days and I live in Milwaukee where it doesn’t matter if you’re a ‘woman’ or a ‘lady’, most men don’t show respect to you. It shows a pathetic lack of upbringing when men don’t respect women…)

…anyway. Merl Lawless will have the ladies throw together but split the classes according to open/masters with separate scoring and prizes. So if you want to throw in a Master’s Ladies class, come on up. I prefer to throw open, for now, but I can still be thankful that a Masters class is offered. And I am. It’s an additional cost for AD’s; additional scoring, in short, additional work. So I’m thankful that these AD’s choose to put out the additional work (ya, I just said that Merl Lawless puts out. Bwahahhaaaa!)

Now, I’m not slamming Bonnie here because this is something I’ve heard from many Masters women throwers and my reply here is verbatim of my reply last week when we were poolside and probably verbatim of my reply every time I hear this. But when Bonnie made a comment that, “we’re still working on some AD’s down here to even the field and offer a women’s masters class…” my response was:

WHY SHOULD THEY?

First off, again, adding a class to a Games is additional work. It could be that’s it not much work or it could be that it means getting additional implements for the masters to throw. Dunno. But we DO know it’s additional work.

WHY SHOULD THEY?

One of the most important lessons I’ve learned about participating in the Highland Games is that the more you contribute to the day/event/group, the more fun you’ll have and the more you’ll be invited back for the next year. It’s a win-win. You interact with the crowd (by the way, the crowd in Buffalo was one of the best I’ve seen. So many people asked questions, including other participants such as the reenactment folks or the pipers and in turn gave me a chance to ask THEM about their activities. While this is common to a point at Games, I’ve never seen it at this level. The throwers here have done a great job in building positive relationships with other groups and I thought it was very cool.) Where was I? Oh ya, what do we bring to the table.

Now, the best thing about Highland Games is that it is open for everyone. Literally anyone and everyone can throw on a kilt, pay your entry fee, and join in the fun. This has worked well for me because my first Games was four years ago here in Waukesha. I handed Craig Smith my money and away I went. Although I have an athletic background, there was nothing to prepare me for this 28# weight that’s only goal was to land me on my ass or this hammer thing that I’m supposed to keep in some kind of “orbit” and then move it faster and faster as I wind-no problem. Caber? Uhhhh, no. W!T!F! Weight Over Bar? Ok, ya, I can do that.

Four years later and I’m still learning. I think there’s still a lot of improvement I can make on my mechanics and I’m  hoping the old bod stays strong for next year. Next year I’d like to break open my stones and at least improve on my hammers. We’ll see.

But I’ll tell you this. I’ll work on it. After my weightlifting meet I’ll take a little break and stick to some conditioning but will be back at it by November. Because, and here’s something that many Masters women don’t understand (in my opinion), the clock is ticking on how long we can do well. And I care about doing well. Now, here’s the tough love/stern mommy part…

Ladies, what do you contribute to these Games? If you’re in year 2+ of competing in Highland Games, are you in the gym? Do you drill? Do you watch video or hire a competent coach? What do you do to throw further and get stronger? If that answer is, “well juli, not all of us care about throwing so far like you. We just want to have fun and you’re too intense for this group anyway” my response would be, ‘awesome, then don’t ask AD’s to go out of their way for you.’ It’s entitlement and I hate entitlement. Do you honestly believe that just because you’ve shown up, you get your own class? Do you not even hear how offensive that is to the people who DO work hard and try to build up the Master’s classes?

I heard at least three times last weekend someone from one of the Men’s group comment on how the ladies cheer for each other and how weird that it. I’d say it’s because women can multi-task and compete while remaining supportive. Really, unless he’s special, how many men have you seen multi-task. And before you men get too butthurt, fry the perfect egg; do the dishes; make coffee, and take out the garbage. If all that is done and your egg came out perfect, congratulations! You’re a multi-tasker. But overall, women support each other at the same time as wanting to do well. Aren’t we amazing!

However; one place the men excel on the field a bit better than us is that through their laughter and trash talk, they are there to compete. The levels may be different for some but at the end of the day, they’re there to compete. I’ve been fortunate enough to witness the top in the world battle it out and at no time was there a tiara being passed through the group to wear. At no time did they coin themselves some stupid phrase such as the “menopause militia.” They are able to

a. have fun

b. do well

c. give’r hell on the field

d. garner respect.

(By the way, since I’m here, do not ever put me in a group photo and label it the “menopause militia.” Fucking. Ever. It is entirely up to you on how you wish to be perceived as a “competitor” but you don’t get to stomp on my hard work by making a joke out of the class I compete in. I understand you don’t see it that way. That is the difference between a participant and a competitor. More tough love. Sorry not sorry. Also, do not ever try to put some Tiara from Claires on my head after a throw. I am forever in Edie Lindeburg’s debt when this was tried last year at Masters Worlds. I was literally being chased with this stupid thing in attempts to not be rude when Edie stepped in and simply said, “not everyone wants to wear the PRiara, that’s ok.”) Now, if we’re at a silly Games where pride isn’t on the line, I’m all up for silly fun. This would also mean I’m hanging with girls who like to have the silly fun while still kicking total ass on the field, see the difference?

Ladies, if you want the AD to go to the trouble of adding another class for you, get better. Train. Practice as much as you can. Yes, we’re adults and often times life takes over opportunities. No one begrudges you that. But to come to a Games such as a World Championships, even as a Master, and spout off that “maybe I should practice sometime” and laugh, don’t be surprised when you don’t get my respect. In fact, you’ll get the exact opposite. And not just from me. (FTR, Bonnie didn’t say that. Someone else did.)

And if this is “just for fun” that’s okay. Really! I think it’s a fookin’ blast! But you’re not entitled to anything just for showing up, especially your own class.

See how that works?

I react very badly when mediocrity throws a tantrum of entitlement.

Lee Siegel

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Not Amazing

Posted on August 26, 2016 by tosabarbell

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Earlier this summer, I took a Saturday and changed things up a bit. Instead of throwing or training or whatever I do on Saturday’s other than throw or train, I ran up to Appleton, Wisconsin and got a cooking lesson from Eliane Bergmann. I have admired her love for cooking, baking, canning…basically anything food related and making delicious feasts out of everything she can get her hands on. We had a great day with lots of fun girl talk and her Strongman hubs showed up just in time to eat meat pie with apple pie dessert. Smart guy.

At some point, we were talking about traveling and running around the world with Matt on a few of his Champions League competitions and Highland Games fun. Eliane asks, “do you travel a lot?”  I thought for a moment, looked her in the eye and said,

More than I’d ever dreamed I would.

In that moment, I was overcome with thankfulness.

Each year, I write a blog after my Highland Games season ends detailing how amazing it was. But it wasn’t amazing this year, it was more than I’d ever dreamed it could be.

As usual, I didn’t get enough time with my Highland family so I’ll just cherish the moments that I did get. As usual, I didn’t throw as far as I wanted to so I’ll just cherish the throws I got in that enabled me to do well. As usual, I’m fighting this whole aging process so I’ll just cherish the fact that my expectations remain high and that my body is still saying, “ok Jules, we’ll give it a go.”

amazing

photo credit: Dana MacDonald (Phoenix Highland Games)

As usual, I’ll bemoan the fact that my skin isn’t as tight as the previous year. That my face is looking more and more like my Tutu’s. That my belly is taking over my body in line with some type of Alien form. But then I look at pictures like the above and say, “ahhhhh, fuck it. Look what that old body with the gut can do. The legs may not be as tight as last year but dogsgammit, they’re strong!” 

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While my season has ended just a bit before planned, I’m ready to be done. I’ve been trying to serve two masters this year with lifting and throwing and admittedly, it’s been a handful. My meet on October 1st will be a tough one. I’m lifting against some of the best Hungary has to offer whose lifters are far more experienced than I and I’m now nursing a hamstring tweak from last weekend.

There are so many cherished memories I have from this season of throwing that to list them all would almost appear insincere and I don’t want to do that. So many of you have touched my heart in ways you may not even realize. I’ve learned a lot, and much of that has nothing to do with throwing. I’ve learned to continue to keep my circle of trust small and slam the door tight on those who wish to bring their drama into my home electronically. That was a tough lesson and I’m still embarrassed that I bit on the bait.

I’ve laughed a lot and I’m so happy for that. There were many times, Victoria beer tent being one of them, where I just sat back and listened to all of the conversations around me and smiled inside. More than I ever could have dreamed.

There were many who gave me a chance and even a second chance this year. You know who you are. You probably also know that doing this has endeared you to me for a lifetime. But I still need to say thank you.

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Finishing out the year in Buffalo was absolutely perfect. This group of ladies were awesomely amazing. If I were to complain about it at all, it would be to say that I don’t get to see them again this year (except for Petra:) Heidi Lowry is retiring after this weekend and all I can say is that the Highland Games will be less without her. She is everything we want to be on the field and beyond. Class, grace, strength, and a helluva lotta fun. Congratulations on all of your accomplishments Heidi, I’m lucky to have shared a few hours with you. Wendy, Sandi, Willow, Kimmie-you Canadia’s are a good time. Kathrynkendall, no one who knows you doesn’t love you. Bonnie, you and your family are tops. Absolute fooking tops. Katy, your enthusiasm knows no bounds. That’s pretty cool. Petra, I’m lucky enough to see you soon. Kevin, Lou, Chuck, and Merl…you guys throw a great party. Thanks for letting us play and for taking such amazing care of us. Beth, Shannon, and Rhett; Mooncheese crew for ’17. It’s happening. Sue and Ruth, thank you for your love and ass rubs and keeping me out of the sun. We love you. Kevin (again), the truth serum (I mean mead) is one of my favorite things about these games. THANK YOU!

And my anchors (that’s a good thing) Mike Westerling and my hubs. I couldn’t have A) done it without either of you and 2. wouldn’t have wanted to.

But in a nutshell, the 2016 Highland Games season…more than I ever dreamed it could be.

Thank you all.

Dear Lord, I’m so thankful I’m still loved.

Vivian Leigh

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