WOB: 3rd Attempt

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Kristy Scott throws a 20′ and then some WOB in Victoria a few years ago. It didn’t go over…this time. Photo Credit: Kristy’s FB page, taken by Douglass Sisk (scottishheavyphotographs.com)

Matt and I were hanging out last weekend after a hard afternoon of patio drinkin’ and Highlander Burger eatin’ and decided to watch some of Beth Burton’s live video from the 2016 Portland Highland Games. The video’s were tons of fun and Beth’s play by play was better than anything you’d get off Fox Sports North during hockey season. Add in many cameos by folks we’ll miss seeing this year AND Jay “Big Daddy” Oneill’s announcing and color commentary and it was a pleasant way to continue avoiding anything and everything around the house that needed to be done.

When we sat down, Beth had the women’s WOB live streamed (finally, something useful out of the Facebook) so we hunkered down with our drinks; cigar, and fags. There were some great throws; many side swings and spinning magic and it hit me that WOB is a pretty fun event.

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Phoenix, 2016. How did this stupid thing not go over???

Except for when it’s not.

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WOB in pouring rain is still more fun than WOB in snowstorm. Guess how I know.

The first time I ever threw the weight over the bar was in Wichita Falls, Texas at my first Highlander. Texas belle, Brittney Boswell, guided me through to a 13′ clear. That was kinda fun. It took me another four or five Games to clear 13′ again, that was less fun.

And that’s WOB. While nothing in athletics is ever a guarantee, nowhere in my experience in competing in many different sports is that fact more visible than WOB. One day you could clear 15′ (my personal best) and the next day completely bomb out (as in, fail. You have failed to make your opening height and you do the walk of shame back to your chair while wondering what in the everlasting FOK just happened. Guess how I know.)

Once I hit my stride in WOB, it was a given (in my brain anyway) that this was solid. I went Games where I’d throw 4 good attempts from 12-15, hit the bar at 16′ and call it a happy day. And then in Minnesota a couple of years ago, I bombed out at 12′. Uhhhhh, huh? Yup. I was throwing the implement at least a couple of feet higher than the bar, the problem was that it didn’t go over. That’s when advice started coming from all sides of the field and with each attempt, the advice got more frantic and more confusing. By the time I got up to the standards on my 3rd attempt not only was I in my own head, I had too many people yelling at me from the peanut gallery. (I’ve written about this before, a lot. This is why I’ve come to LOVE throwing with Katie Crowley. She’s calm and methodical and stays off to the side when 2nd and even 3rd attempts are being contemplated. She’s matter of fact in her delivery of ONE cue and I have yet to not be calmed by her advice. She’s the shitsznizzle.)

Anyway. After that, I struggled with WOB. My confidence was shot. While I “felt” as if I were doing the same thing just like the good ‘ol days of WOB, I clearly wasn’t which made me all the more frustrated which makes a person all the more tight and all the more miserable. I struggled with WOB at my next Games in Enumclaw and while I did okay with the lighter weight in Scotland, I was still off my game. Have been, quite honestly, inconsistent and that drives me crazy.

Now, some folks have been kind enough to suggest the side swing to me for consistency but here’s the deal, I don’t wanna. It’s just not in me to want to add the need for lateral space to be covered in an event where vertical success is needed. I know, there have been some amazing throws from the side and I believe these amazing throws from amazing people are rock solid. But I just can’t get behind adding another element into an already tough event, especially on a 3rd attempt. For me. Sorry not sorry.

And then this last May I got to watch some great WOB throws in Victoria and something just clicked. Watching the back and forth of Spencer Tyler and Andy Vincent along with the smooth power of Olivia Tyler and shit made sense. For me, it’s a dip and drive. So many people were telling me to A) bring the weight waaaaay back between my legs and then 2. USE my legs on the push. And while this may make sense to others, it never clicked with me. The further back I would bring the weight, the straighter my legs would have to be in order to achieve it. And while my legs are completely straight as the implement is coming forward, at some point folks wanted me to “use them.” WTF?  I would be told again and again I’m not using my legs and I’d get frustrated as fok and all would be lost (I needed to add drama for effect.)

However; weight back comfortably and a solid dip (think Jerk dip) that loads the legs and a nice drive as the implement is coming back up. Dip and drive, that’s what works for me. Lastly, and here’s where I always thank Steve Conway (in my head) when I accomplish it, keep throwing. Steve noticed in Portland last year that I was doing all of the hard work for a great toss but then just releasing it into the air instead of continuing to “throw” it higher. I don’t know if that makes sense reading it but it my mind it does and I throw better when I remember that cue.

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Olivia Tyler’s 16′ WOB in Victoria this past May. Like room temperature buttah.

Things have been going better since I started thinking about WOB this way and even the Bigg guy hit an easy 15′ his only time out this year with the 56# in Illinois last month when I gave him this cue.

Anyway, back to last weekend. While we were watching, there were a couple of surprises in that a few ladies struggled where they don’t usually and shit would come down to a 3rd attempt. And I wondered, what is it about a 3rd attempt WOB that makes it so mind-fuckingly difficult to just relax and do your thang. Now, admittedly, this could just be me. It could be all others in the Highland Games world approaches a 3rd attempt with the same confident ease of a first attempt. But I don’t think so. I’ve watched the body language of some of the World’s best after a missed 2nd attempt and it changes dramatically. Especially at lower heights (“lower” is relative. I get that.) I tried to equate it to a baseball player who is up to bat with a full count,  bases loaded and two outs trying to stay calm to get that hit or at the very least get the walk and a score. But not really, cuz if you don’t get that hit or even strike out, you keep playing. With the WOB, you’re done. You’ve just became a spectator for the remaining throws and if you don’t want to be a spectator at 12 feet, you’re in a world of suck for the next hour. True story.

At the end of the day, this is just one of the reasons the Scottish Highland Games are fun AND don’t necessarily get the respect it deserves (or even requires. I’m always a little surprised when folks see how much fun we have and decide to get involved in the Games and upon the first practice realize this is actually kinda hard and bail.) You need the mental fortitude of a golfer (come on, 18 holes for four days in a row?); the strength and athleticism of a weightlifter; the endurance of a marathon runner; the physical capabilities of a New York City garbage man, and the sense of humor of Rodney Dangerfield. Show me another sport where you’ve got all this fun rolled into one ball of awesome. I DARE YA!

At some point, we all are forced to deal with that 3rd attempt WOB. If you’re reading this, my hope for you is that it doesn’t come until a PR or a World Record attempt. If you’re not reading this, fuck it, I hope it happens in warm ups. (But not really, I’m needing to ride the Karma train for the next few months so I’m wishing everyone success and the lightness of fairy wings for you all.) How’s that for fucking Karma??

My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.

Rodney Dangerfield

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That’s A Wrap!

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Pretty sure this will be the Minion’s Christmas Card photo for 2016.

My 2016 Highland Games season has just come to a close. Kinda.

Last weekend in Minnesota was my last Games as an open competitor. It’s Masters throwing from here on out. It’s pretty surreal that my first Games was in January and my last in July. How does six months fly by in a blink of an eye? It has been so incredible and I don’t want it to go away without some parting shots.

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Not really sure what Nikita is doing here;)

Having a chance to be part of the East/West Games in Orlando was a huge treat. Festive would be the word of the weekend and watching these ladies do their thang became the highlight of the season for me. Also…

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Pride was on the line!

…explaining the +100 dollar dinner tab to my husband when I got home. PRIDE WAS ON THE LINE! (He understood perfectly. My husband is cool.)

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Even though I struggled with the plague of ’16, I had an absolute blast in Arizona both on the field and off. Spending time with Auntie and Uncle in Sun City West (be on the lookout for golf carts all over the road, for serious)  and Max and Yvonne in Scottsdale AND even a little time with Mike and Jolene Westerling. It was all a huge treat.

I learned SO much this season from so many of the best. I want to thank every single one of you that took the time to throw some world class advice my way. That you cared enough to help me do a little better goes deep. I ALSO learned that I can be too technical, especially on Games day. I heard it twice in the last four days and that’s not the first time I’ve heard it this year. SO, for these next few Games, I relax and execute. Fucking attack. That’s the plan.

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Sunrise in Scottsdale. I’m trying to talk the bigg guy into New Years Eve in Scottsdale. I don’t know if Max and Yvonne will be there or not, I just want to be there;)

While I didn’t see the numbers that I was hoping for (or that I even see in practice sometimes) I’d like to think that I held my own here and there and at 49 (yup, I’ll get that in one more time. Deal) I’ll take that as a win. I’m very pleased that at this point in the season, I’m ranked at #20 and it’s a true #20. What I mean by that is that for some reason, scores with the 21# weight and WOB also get entered into NASGA under the Women’s scores which can skew the rankings. While I love seeing my name in the top 15 or better at the end of the year, we all know that the 50+ foot heavy weight and the 18′ WOB is with the lighter weight. I don’t need sunshine blown anywhere near my ass so a true #20 at 49? Yup, I’ll take it.

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Okay, let’s just throw a weightlifting competition in there too while recovering from the plague. Sure, why not?

While each competition meant spending time with old and new friends; spending time in different scenery, and experiencing new gas stations to grab a Monster, few can compare to Victoria. I mean, I saw a small pod of Whales on the ferry coming into Port. That doesn’t happen in smallville, Illinois. Srsly.

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The friends. The drinks. The food. The throwing. The beer tent. Everything from A to Z was perfect and that sums up the season so far. It’s pretty much been very Bill Medley and Jenifer Warnes and that I’ll still get to see these amazing athletes throw during my last Games helps me not be so melancholy that it’s coming to a close.

I want to thank KC Cummings and Susan Cummings (you too Jannet;) Michelle Crownhart, that we get to see each other and throw together yet this year makes me very happy. Jason Clevenger and Jeff Bryan. Our Wisconsin home crew of Big John McAdams and Robert. And a very special thank you to Ray Siochowicz for letting me play on that field in Victoria. You took a chance on an old lady and she broke your caber. You’re welcome.

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Photo Credit: Douglass Sisk

Growing old has been the greatest surprise of my life.

Billy Graham

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Open Letter to Highland Games Newbs/Noobs

According to the Urban Dictionary, there is a marked difference between Newb and Noob.

Defining ‘Noob’
Contrary to the belief of many, a noob/n00b and a newbie/newb are not the same thing. Newbs are those who are new to some task* and are very beginner at it, possibly a little overconfident about it, but they are willing to learn and fix their errors to move out of that stage. n00bs, on the other hand, know little and have no will to learn any more. They expect people to do the work for them and then expect to get praised about it, and make up a unique species of their own.

Noobs are often referred to as n00bs as a sign of disrespect toward them, and it’s often hella funny.

Behavior of noobs
Since noobs are basically ignorant bastards, they have a lot in common. The most often seen characteristic is their fluency in noobish, which is why it got its own section. They will also be very self confident as if they were the absolute best at what they are in fact the worst at. Also, they are quite agressive and self-centered, and tend to laugh a lot using many L’s and O’s in rapid sucession (the noobish word for laughing like an ultimate retard).

Keep that in mind. In general, I’m not a fan of “Open Letter to…” posts. They’re usually preaching to the choir and so glaringly fucking obvious, why even write one. But the Bigg guy is on the road; I’m done working for the day, and am finding that there are way too many commercials during American Ninja Warrior so I’ll give it a try and see how it turns out.

Dear Highland Games Newb (you get the benefit of the doubt from the start. If your status changes to ‘Noob’ by the end of that day, take note. It’s not really a good thing),

Welcome to the Highland Games. We understand when you say that you want to give it a try because it looks like we have so much fun doing it. You’re right. We’re having a blast. The laughter and trash talk you see and hear are real. It may very well be that the friends you meet doing the Games will be some of the most important people in your life. I hope that for you.

Your job today is not to throw far. If you do, awesome. I will then assume you have some type of throwing and athletic experience and quite honestly, my expectations for you will be raised slightly as I assume now that you know how to behave in a sporting scenario. This letter probably isn’t for you but I’d read it anyway ‘cuz I’m entertaining A.F.

Your job today is to gain an understanding of what this crazy sport called HEAVY EVENTS is all about. Your job today is to learn to “push” a stone instead of throw it like a softball. Your job today is to put a weight in your hand that hangs from a chain; turn a little bit, and stay on your feet while you toss it forward. That’s it. Yes, it’ll feel weird. That’s okay. It’ll come.

Your job today is to learn how to safely bail out from this telephone pole looking thing that you see others picking up and running and throwing it in the air. If you do that today, awesome. But really, just be safe.

Now, be warned, you’re going to get a lot of advice today. Everyone on that field means well, but know this: 75% of the advice you receive today will be wrong. It will be confusing as fuck and most importantly of all, it will come from people who don’t throw far. So here is my advice and in my opinion (my blog, my opinion) some of the most important advice of all: watch closely to the people throwing the furthest in your group. Align yourself to them. Follow them. After they’ve taken a turn, give them a moment to recover and then ask a question as to how in the hell they do that. They will help. I promise. This is the help you want. Don’t pepper them with tons of questions, they will give you the one, mayyyyyybe two highest priority items to work on and just shut up and do that. Thank them and watch.

Now, as I said, others will want to give you advice. Again, they mean well. But you’ve just seen that they threw the stone close to twenty feet less than that first girl. Common sense says that if they don’t throw as far, they may not know something vital that the person who throws far knows. Fucking duh.  I know, you want to be nice and take ALL the advice. Don’t do that. You don’t need ALL the advice today. You just need a little cue and you’ll take it from there. After all, you showed up to compete in a very technical strength sport. You’ve already proven that you have courage and some confidence in yourself to step up. That’s a good thing. You’ll be fine.

There are going to be things that are kinda scary out here today. You’ll be fine. We’re going to make sure you’ll be fine. Just dive in. Taking a few minutes before each attempt because you’re too scared to just throw will be understood initially by your fellow competitors. But get over it, the quicker the better. A large portion of what you will learn over time in this sport is how to behave on the field and while it’s important to do your best with each toss, you won’t want to make your companions wait for a sum total of 20 or more minutes for you to do your thang throughout the day. Just dive in. You’ll be fine.

Now, here’s where things get a bit tricky. Pay close attention. You’re going to see some of the “veterans” behave in some ways that will seem funny. They may give the judge a hard time. They may take their kilt off and complain that it’s a huge pain in the ass to wear it. They may sit under a tent until their name is called and while the rest of the group will continue to bake out in the hot sun they mosey on out to the field for their attempt. You may see them throw temper tantrums after a throw they think is bad but you think is amazing. They may be completely absorbed in their own throws and not pay attention to when they need to shag an implement or whom they follow. You may not see them support their fellow competitors.

Know this now: THIS IS NOT FUCKING COOL. Don’t do this. Ever. First off, if you see a competitor give a judge a hard time or even see the judge give a competitor a hard time it’s likely because they have history and believe me, the athlete to judge trash talk will be kept to a minimum because they know how to show respect. Do not ever snap at a judge. Ever. If he tells you that you need to be ready for your turn on the 9th event after competing for over 8 hours, you say, “yes sir. Sorry about that.” And then you be ready to go. You don’t snap at them and say, “you only had to wait a few seconds. It’s fine.” Don’t do that even if someone else did. They are wrong to do so. But again, just watch to where the top athletes are hanging. It is likely they are right next to the trig or the uprights ready to go on their next turn. Just do like that. You’ll be fine.

Also, do not complain. About anything. Do not complain that the stone is too heavy. Do not complain that the Weight Over Bar is starting too high. Do not complain that you are competing with some of the top throwers and it’s not fair that you’re in the same class. You have volunteered to participate in a sport called HEAVY EVENTS. So, ya know, shit’s heavy. If your judge says there’s no time for a lunch break, you shut the fuck up, grab a snack you brought on the way to the next event and do your best.

You say THANK YOU about 420 times throughout the day. You thank your judge. You thank the girl or guy who brings you your implement. You thank the AD. You thank your fellow competitors. You thank the kid who brings you an ice cold water. You thank the kid who brings you a lukewarm water. You thank the people watching. You thank the dude at the port-0-potty who lets you go first because they know you need to get back to the field. You thank the woman at the gate who says, “Good luck!”

Most importantly, you behave in such a way that the AD is asking you to come back before the dust even settles from the day. You behave in such a way that those girls who were throwing the amazing throws (even if they didn’t think so) tell you that it was a joy having you on the field all day. Separate yourselves from those throwing negative energy around.

And at the end of the day, don’t be afraid to ask a few more questions. What to do moving forward. What you saw that didn’t make sense. What you can do to be helpful to the AD. And then say thank you, just one more time. Heh.

I hope you had fun today. I’m probably glad you came. Being a Newb is temporary. Being a Noob is tougher to shake. Just avoid that altogether. Yes?

Just play. Have fun. Enjoy the game.

Michael Jordan

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Ruffled Feathers

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There’s a 99.10% chance that you had nothing to do with yesterday’s blog post, X.  You can disagree with it, this is America after all. You can choose not to read my blog, if it really makes you crazy I highly recommend you don’t read it. Life’s short dude, free yourself the angst.

But I’m really certain that it had nothing to do with you. In fact, nothing in my life has anything to do with you. When things in my life are a direct result of things or people, I say so. Now, they’re usually more of a positive nature because when I’m not ranting I’m a pretty happy kid.

But you? Nope. So you can save the late night texts calling me an insecure, fat, alcoholic bitch because you thought I was calling you out. I wasn’t. In fact, you’re so far off my radar that other than last night’s little fun it wouldn’t even occur to me to call you out. Another fact, I’ve seen you at events around town and if anything I’ve done or written about in the past has made you so angry that you need to send such vitriol over the airwaves, you kinda could have come up to me and had a face to face conversation about it.

So, in conclusion, I own my words. I’ve written blogs that were unpopular. I’ve been called a bully over my blogs. That makes me shake my head but whatev. I often wonder if people even read them or read one line and react. It’s the rage these days so maybe.

But congratulations, you’ve finally got your own blog post. Screaming at me that women need to support each other and then call me names is an interesting way to go about life but hey, to each his own. Go live your life, a good one I hope. I actually really do. It would seem there are some anger issues deep (or not so deep) down but what do I know. I’m only a meathead in a gym. Feel the burn.

No, I will weep no more. In such a night
To shut me out? Pour on; I will endure.
In such a night as this? O Regan, Goneril!
Your old kind father, whose frank heart gave all—
O, that way madness lies; let me shun that;
No more of that.

King Lear, Shakespeare

Ingratitude is the essence of vileness.

Immanuel Kant

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