Friday Jams: Don’t Read This Blog

Have you made it past Henry Rollins? Impressive. He’s an acquired taste.

It occurred to me that, since it’s a new year and I have over 500 blog posts, maybe I need to remind folks what this thing is all about. Or, that is, what it isn’t. There seems to be enough people who check in each day that keeps me writing. The whole “who’s reading your blog” feature is pretty cool. I always know when the Bigg man reads it when I get hits from faraway lands that he’s in. That’s fun for me. A little connection from half a world away.

There seems to be one dude or dudette in Brazil who barely misses a day. Who ARE you? It kind of cracks me up. There are friends here and there around the globe that I imagine check in when I see a small uptick from their little highlighted country, that’s fun too. Overall I imagine most who check in are pretty used to my rants; our antics; and my never ending battle with the middle aged hormonal chub. The food rants; the crappy lifting video rants; the food porn; the happy happy joy joy Games recaps. Normal stuff around here. Well, common around here, but one thing I always need to keep in mind that “common” to us maybe isn’t “normal” to others.

But it is perhaps the truest story that this blog is not for everyone. We’ve got our tiny niche here and conversations heard around the house may baffle others. I’ve seen the daughter visibly tune out when we start talking training, she thinks I don’t notice. Heh. So, knowing that I’m going to lose a few (but hopefully not the Brazil dude/dudette), here are some tips that maybe this blog isn’t for you.

1) First and foremost, if this blog has nothing to do with you yet you take things personally. Stay away. Really, you’re going to be quite miserable around here. And, oh by the way, there is a 99.9 percent chance that this blog has nothing to do with you. While I may reference an event or make some kind of side note about a funny event we’ve taken part in, there will be an overall theme to a post. Which probably has nothing to do with  you. But if your insecurities enable you to take things personal around here, I’d stay away. That last thing I want to do is be co-dependent to someone’s insecurities.

2) On that note, if you’re insecure about food; training; parenting; driving; eating; which shoes you wear while mowing the lawn; beer; working; sleeping; showering (we’re really not bath people); standing; sitting; falling; doing dishes; making your bed, basically anything and everything dealing with life…don’t come here. Cuz you’re going to read into posts things that aren’t there and whip yourself into such a frenzy that by the time I see you, you’re loaded for bear (I love saying, “Loaded for bear.”) Don’t put yourself through that, it has to be exhausting.

3) Don’t read this blog if you’re going to use it against others I love. Ya know how many people write on this blog? One. Me. All me. My words and I own them, even when they’ve gotten me in hot water. I don’t recant and I don’t put the blame on anyone else. I will apologize if something was misquoted because you failed to take the time to actually read the blog and just listen to gossip of others on “juli said something like, blah blah blah, oh my god what a bitch.” I will apologize if I have NAMED you and you’re still upset. I’ll apologize that my writing has hurt your feelings. But I will always ask, ‘was I wrong?’ The answer will probably be “no” and that’s on you dude. If you haven’t read this blog, each post, each line but still want to come at anyone else in my home for something written, just stay away. I have said this before and I imagine I’ll have to say it again cuz people are thick, If one line of one blog pisses you off, just stay away. 

I had this happen a couple of years ago and it still makes me shake my head. Someone I thought I had a real relationship with took one line of a food post incredibly personal. I don’t know why. Never will. But that they went out and attempted to “circle the wagons” with other friends to ice me out wasn’t ok. Ya know how long it takes me to mourn that broken relationship? About as long as it took to type that. Life’s too short. But if one line of one blog post is used to “ice” out people I love, then we have a problem. Because, let’s recap, who writes this blog? Me. You got a problem with it, come to the source.If you can’t, then you’re not adult, and oh by the way…

4) No kids allowed. At any age. This is an adult blog. It’s cussy and bossy and no place for kids. Sure, there are some G posts, usually involving kids and how crazy their antics are that are entertaining. My daughter reads some, especially if I tell funny stories about her and even some of those have got a “geez Ma” out of her. Again, some posts may touch on insecurities, that sucks eh? I guess I’m not too afraid though because we have enough in this country that we get to be consumed by insecurities instead of, oh I dunno, survival. Lucky us.

But we’re adults around here, even when we go to Scotland and drink like teenagers. So if you’re offended by a post, you get to be adult about it. Give me a call, the number is front and center. Say something like, ‘ya know what jules, you said “x” and I think I’m offended by it but can you tell me it’s context so I know I should be offended by it or not.’ And I’ll be all, “sure dude, but did you read the blog.” If the answer is no, the conversation is over. This happened (the non-adult thing, not the adult conversation thing) with a group and it still cracks me up that when we see one of them in town they quickly duck their head and avoid talking to Matt. Matt, ya know, the guy they’re supposed to be supporting and has NOTHING TO DO WITH ANYTHING WRITTEN ON THIS BLOG! Christ, how many times can I say that for it to sink in.

Grow up people, this is an adult only blog.

5) Runners. Stay away, you annoy me.

BWAHAHAHHAAAA, just kidding Jenn. Love you.

6) Stay away if you feed your family crap that makes them sick and weak and so they barf a lot. You won’t like it here. Please, there are sure to be mommy blogs that enable your lack of parenting skill. (Oops, hopefully if you made it past #2 and you’re not offended by that.)

7) Stay away if strength means nothing to you. At the heart of what we live, it’s to live with strength. That means many things to many people, but why bother if you don’t care about it at all. Really, the amount of blogs on the market these days are in the thousands, at least. Mine isn’t for you.  I’m okay with that, hopefully you are too.

So, for the, oh I dunno, EIGHT of you that’s left…welcome to tosabarbell.com. What you’ll see here are rants; food porn; pics of my dog; pics of my adorable husband; a few pics of me in competition if they make it through the rigorous standards of “how fat do I look?” You’ll hear opinions, you don’t have to like them. Just think a little bit. There is one writer, my name is Juli (I felt very Suzanne Vega there) and I write this blog. Me. Only me.

It’s okay if you don’t stick around, it’s not for everyone. True story.

I believe that one defines oneself by reinvention. To not be like your parents. To not be like your friends. To be yourself. To cut yourself out of stone.

Henry Rollins

Training Log

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About tosabarbell

For training opportunities at tosabarbell, call or text Juli at 320-296-9313. jep6095@gmail.com tosabarbell is a private, home grown gym with three lifting platforms; squat rack; prowlers; throwing implements; bars, bumpers and everything else needed for an effective strength and conditioning program. Straightforward barbell programming including the Olympic lifts; sound (read: not fancy bullshit) diet advance for weight gain or loss; and strong coaching will ensure you will meet your goals such as becoming stronger, more explosive, and better conditioned. Juli has been coaching teams and athletes for over 20 years. She grew up participating in various sports at various levels but was always drawn to those that require strength training. She is a 2-time Master's Amercian Weightlifting Champion and holds six Master's American records. She is a Master's Weightlifting National Champion and holds three National records. She is a Master's Weightlifting World Championships Silver Medalist in 2016. Juli is also a Masters Highland Games World Champion and holds three World Records in the Braemar Stone; Heavy Weight for Distance, and Light Weight for Distance in the 45-49 class. Her 5 years of training and coaching under Mark Rippetoe has honed her coaching skills to be a top choice for you to reach your strength and conditioning goals. Juli will strongly encourage tosabarbell athletes to compete (and prepare you to do so.) However; tosabarbell is also for those who just wish to be stronger and go through life feeling better. Matt WanAt is a retired Professional Strongman who competed frequently with Strongman Champions League in Europe. He played a year of D1 football with Iowa before concentrating on his Chemical Engineering degree in Iowa City. He is a native of Wauwatosa and still remains a staunch supporter of Tosa East. This blog will be a mixture of strength notes, coaching and nutrition tips, personal shit; bacon delicacies, and a whole lot of fun.
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