I’ve been on the fence about writing on this topic. I know that the anticipation of more episodes, bringing us current to the life of Rory and Lorelai, was on the epic scale and I was right there with ya on making sure my daughter and I watched on Black Friday.

But then I started watching it. And I came to the horrible conclusion that either A. this show actually sucks and why did I waste my time for so many years watching it and/or 2. I’ve outgrown this stupid show and how could I waste my time for so many years watching it? Neither option was fun but I stuck it out and finished watching the supersized, four episodes. Until the very end which means that even if I’ve outgrown the show, I’m still ‘all in’ on wasting my time by watching it.

Though I never watched it on whatever night it originally aired, it would play at 4:00pm on week days which is right around the time that the kids would get home from school. After snacks were served and evening activities were confirmed, Zandra and I would sit down and watch it together. This was our time. Now, I feel very fortunate that Zandra is a Mommy’s girl. Has it always been easy? Nope. We’re very alike and that has caused eruptions here and there but at the end of the day, she’s my girl. I didn’t have that with my mom. My sister did and while I watched as an outsider on how they clicked, I didn’t get it. Even though there is so much I do today around the house or with other people that are reflections of my mom, we rarely were on the same page.

I believe one of the reasons Zandra and I loved watching the Gilmore Girls was because of the strong bond of mother and daughter. I’m fortunate that we both valued and wanted that. Yeah us. But as Zandra, and the Gilmore’s, got older I started noticing a disturbing trend. Lorelai is actually kind of fucked up. Like, still cute and an awesome dresser, fucked up nontheless.

First off, she kept secrets. Constantly. And seemed to pass that little gem of a habit down to Rory. There were always excuses as to why important things weren’t told but it all comes down to this, people who keep secrets or fail to communicate even the basic of details are just shitty communicators. Oh sure, I’ve heard, “Well, this is why I didn’t want to tell you, because I knew you’d be upset” too many times to count but what I really hear is, “I was afraid of saying something so I kept it from you and now you’re mad because I’m behaving like a three year old who is scared of their mommy.” It annoys the ever lovin’ out of me. Secrets were fun in grade school when I had a crush on Dale something-or-other and then my friend told him. Bitch. Heh.

But the Gilmore crew take secrets to Level a Billion. At some point, I didn’t like it. At some point, I had to look at my daughter and ask myself, what is she learning here? But we’re just getting started.

Lorelai was a horrible girlfriend and showed a complete lack of loyalty when it came to the men in her life. Have a fight with the fiance? Go sleep with the ex boyfriend. Cuz, as women, that’s what we do. Ummmm, no. We don’t. My gawds. She bails on one wedding to, in my opinion, the only man who had some worth on that show besides Edward Herrmann which is fine. We’ve all cancelled weddings before. (Wait, whut? You haven’t? Ok, just me and Lorelai I guess) However, we’ve cancelled them in a way that is, oh I dunno-FUCKING ADULT?!??? As in, you call these people to cancel and I’ll call these people and this sucks and we’re sad but, ya know, see you at work Monday. Sounds fun doesn’t it?

But the Gilmore way is to avoid unpleasantness altogether and take off in the middle of the night and just not wedding. Ummmmkay. Her on-again/off-again relationship with Luke was like watching first cousins try and make a go of it. More than a little uncomfortable and just plain boring. But then she passed all that crap down to Rory and by then, I just couldn’t. I’d look over to my little girl and think, ‘uh no baby girl, you’re not running through life thinking this is all  okay.’ The show lost some luster for me but we’d watch it here and there as more of a habit I guess than anything else.

Fast forward however many years it’s been since the last episode where Rory turns down Logan’s marriage proposal and Luke and Lor kiss and make up without having an actual conversation as to what broke down their relationship in the first place. Side note: no one in this show has real conversations. Sure, witty and quippy is entertaining as fok, but if you’re going to work in the world you’re going to need to know how to have a real conversation. Sorry not sorry.

So we wake up to 8 years later and Rory is now sleeping with Logan who is engaged to another woman while pretending to have some boyfriend she keeps forgetting about, including his name, and has a one night stand with a furry (did I dream that one? It’s so unbelievably fucking lame that I have to have dreamt that one) and still can’t make a decision as to what she wants to do with her life. OH! And now she’s pregnant and the baby daddy could be one of 3 or 4 guys.

Congratulations Lorelai, you’ve managed to raise someone even more fucked up than you and that’s quite an accomplishment considering what a self-absorbed fucked up mess you are.

And that, my friends, is the crux of my issues with Gilmore Girls. No one got better or smarter with time. No one learned anything and, in my opinion again, they actually got more stupid and self-absorbed through the years. See, here’s my belief: that as parents, we want our kids to be just a little bit better and smarter than us. And, in my life, they are. My kids are so much better than I could ever be. They are resilient; hard working; tough but kind; responsible; bold, and 40 other adjectives I’m not thinking of right now. Oscar has, and has had, more character than half the grown men I know. Zac has completely turned his life around in a few short months and is driven to succeed for not only him but his girlfriend and her daughter. Zandra continues to work hard to find her path and is realizing, as Mommy to Moose the German Shepard, that Mommying isn’t as easy as she thought it was.

Gratuitous picture of Za and Moose.

But they’re so much better than I was at their ages and I know that I did better than what my birth mother could do. I expect their children (or in Za’s case, 20 dogs) will be better than them and hopefully the cycle will continue.

So when the Gilmore Girls come out and are even MORE fucked up then 8 years ago? Well, no thanks. The two of you continue to treat those around you like shit and act like they’re going to be there forever to be kicked around. At least the boyfriend who’s name Rory could never remember broke up with her finally.

Side note #2: things that are unbelievable and prove that you don’t give two shits about your viewers on a televisions show:

1. Write in that one of the lead characters, a Yale graduate, can’t remember her boyfriend’s name.

2. In one episode, it is winter with heavy coats and hats and people bustling about in the cold and in the very next episode which is supposed to represent a week later, the main characters are wearing sun dresses and the grass is green. Dudes, we can see that ya know. Many of us who have lived in a winter to summer region know that’s not how it works. That’s not even remotely how it works.

There’s more but those were my two biggest annoyances. On the plus side, the storyline of matriarch Emily Gilmore, was comforting. As real as it could be on a show written so poorly. She lost her husband and grieved. And, as we knew Emily would do picked herself back up. And a tirade along with a string of “Bullshit”s by Kelly Bishop was pretty priceless. So there’s that.

Overall, F. What does Henry David Thoreau say? Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined.

So the Gilmore Girls dreamed of living aimlessly and in bubbles that include only their wants and fuck those around them who need them to live in the world. Got it. OH, honorable mention, Luke and Lorelai who still have zero romance in their lives and just seem to go day by day as if their need for each other is equal to our basic need of toilet paper. No thanks.

I want more. I want my kids to have more and work for more. And I especially want my daughter to be more, which luckily for me, she already is. So long Gilmore Girls, thanks for reminding me what I don’t want in life for anyone I love.

Tacky, horrid people.

Emily Gilmore