Monday Bacon: 5 Ways to Kick Negativities Ass

Posted on January 9, 2017 by tosabarbell

I usually leave Monday’s to rants (again, don’t number my rants, you can’t count that high.) But I’m so sick and tired of the negativity on the interwebz that to add to it would make me sick of myself and that seems like a pretty self destructive start to the week. While I’m no Stuart Smalley, I would like to have something positive to say (and no, saying “I’m positive you’re a moron” isn’t what I’m looking for today. Even if it’s accurate.)

So, here are my today’s 5 ways to kick ass on the negative attitudes of social media:

AFGHANISTAN MARINES

Write a letter.

I am lucky enough to have a friend or two who still love to write letters. One showed up the other day and it absolutely made my day. Personally, I love to write letters. No one ever needs to stress about finding me a prize, just give me stationery or cute notes I can mail (or steak. Either one.) My friend, Victoria, even makes her own notes. She’s on a higher level than me. True story.

Just putting a letter in the mail, knowing someone will be getting something different amidst the bills and junk mail is fun for me. It’s little, I know. But it’s fun. I’ve even sent a post-it note in the mail, then I forgot I did it so when I heard from the person that they received it, it made me giggle all over again. Being elderly and forgetful has it’s fun.

They have 99 cent cards at the Walgreen’s, come on! For the same price as a really crappy cup of coffee (for those of you who don’t already know, my beloved Bigg guy will pretty much drink coffee anywhere. Even on an airplane. He will then go on to tell me what a crappy cup of coffee it was. While I admire his optimistic attitude that it would be anything other than crappy, I still must shake my head at the idea that it wouldn’t be) you could send a fun card. Maybe one with a sloth on it. If it has a sloth, send it to Jasmine. She loves sloths.

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Clean a closet.

While I have about 1/8th of the amount of clothes in the picture above, my closet can still get a bit messy. Even worse are hall closets. Hall closets become the hideaway of everything hide-able when company comes. No one is upstairs digging through my hall closet (we also don’t have a medicine cabinet in our downstairs bathroom so snoops will have no fun in my house.)

30 minutes and a garbage bag are all you need to feel good about a junk space that you once avoided but now open every time you pass by just to admire your work. Seriously though, ever wonder why moving is so torturous? It’s because of all the crap we accumulate and never dump but then have to face. Take the step to dump now and you’ll be amazed at how it inspires you to keep it going around the house.

I guess if I were to be trendy, I would say “de-clutter.” But I’m not. Just throw shit away and organize a bit. 30 minutes. The same time as it takes to watch the useless 5 o’clock news (I really tried to watch the local news once but in the first 5 minutes they had a story of Brittney Spears. Brittney Spears. Not even that she was in Milwaukee, but she did something stupid. Dudes, if I want to hear about the stupidity of celebrities, I’ll watch TMZ. But I don’t, so don’t put it on the local news.)

Just grab a gin and tonic (it’s medicinal) and head upstairs and clean a closet. Or a drawer. Or your briefcase. Anything that you can look at and say to yourself, “self, look what we did today! Aren’t we grand!!”

Yesterday was get rid of any remnants of Christmas day around here. Honestly, I really hated to see our tree go. It actually still had a pine scent to it and looked beautiful. Oh sure, it kept wanting to fall down which really kept us on our toes but it was probably my most favorite Christmas tree and had enough green in it that I seriously considered giving it one more week. But then I went to take an ornament off and the brittle needles almost cut me. Uh oh, time to go. So we got everything put away that made sense (we still keep out some winter decorations until spring) and got ready for Valentine’s day decorating (YEAH!) That was my version of cleaning a closet; however; the upstairs hall closet is on my radar and is on this week’s agenda.

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Make a stranger smile.

Honestly, it’s not hard. In the Midwest, a “how are you doing?” is a standard greeting. Like “Howzit” in Hawaii. Now, the nice thing about Hawaii is that no one expects you to answer How ‘zit’ actually is. Just smile and say ‘howzit’ back and we’ve just recognized that there is another human on our planet. But in the Midwest, you are expected to answer with a “Doin’ great, how are you?” I don’t care if you aren’t doing great. I don’t care if you don’t care how the other person is. Just say it and move on.

Of course the problem comes when the other person actually starts telling how they really are. Gawds, srsly. However, how hard is it to listen in the time it takes them to ring up your groceries to how they really are and give a thumbs up or a “I hope the day goes better for you” before you leave? Not very.

Years ago, I was going through something with my daughter. It was a tough morning and I stopped for coffee in a town I’d never been in before and had clearly been crying. In fact, I tried to hold it together long enough just to TeeTee and get my coffee and it took everything I had to get through it. The overly caffeinated young man at the register gave me a “HEY GOOD MORNING ISN’T IT A GREAT DAY? HOW ARE YOU DOING TODAY!!” that nearly put me over the edge. Luckily for me, an attentive manager next to him jumped in front of the register and quietly asked me what she could get for me. When she handed me the coffee, she simply said, hang in there. Tell ya what, when you’re ready to crash and burn, a simple hang in there can get you through a bad moment and that may be enough to get you to the next five minutes. Well done coffee lady, well done. I also imagine she had a talk with over caffeinated dude in learning to read people.

And that’s really what we can take 8 seconds to do in order to put a smile on a stranger’s face. Just read people. You don’t have to get all up in their grill to make yourself feel better but if given the opportunity, get someone to the next five minutes. You have no idea how important that can be.

When I was in high school, I was a hostess at a Perkins. Hostess at a Perkins, I found, is one of the most thankless jobs a high schooler can hold. Waitresses are always pissed off at you for not seating people in their section or seating too many at once. Customers are always pissed off at you because they want their omelette or mile high chocolate cake right fuckin’ now! I hated it. One slow, winter evening a woman came in the door shaking off her scarf just as I was about to seat another table. I quickly looked at her and told her I’ll be with her in a moment. Very standard. Didn’t even think about it. I came back, walked her to her two person booth and gave her a menu. She stopped me by holding my arm and said, ‘thank you so much for your smile when I walked in the door. I really needed that smile tonight.’ Of course I was a stupid high school kid so had no idea how to respond so probably mumbled something stupid, turned red, and walked away. But I guess maybe I got her to the next five minutes.

You never know. So try.

Give a compliment.

I couldn’t find a meme for that one. Sorry.

This one isn’t hard. At all. There are hundreds of ways to compliment a person, whether you know them or not. I would need more than my two hands to list the ways my husband compliments me each day. He’s far better at it than I am. I’m a little better at complimenting others while we’re out and about or with friends but it’s something that’s clearly important to both of us.

We had the awesome opportunity to spend New Years weekend with friends in Arizona. It was one of our favorite weekends of the year (both ’16 AND ’17) that included tons of fun; laughter; wine; connecting; weightlifting, and even a Highland Games (by the way, I’ve spent 8 days already as the number one ranked woman on NASGA. Suck it Elites! I have about five days I think to start sinking down the ranks but you bet your ass I’ll boast about being the first 49 year old ranked number one on NASGA. heeeeeheeeeee!)

Our friends, Max and Yvonne, have a desert oasis in Scottsdale which is absolutely gorgeous. Yvonne’s mom is there with her pups so we got puppy time and her niece and nephew were also visiting from Louisiana. They added a lot of fun and a nice youthful quality to the weekend. On Monday evening, we went out to dinner and Auntie Yvonne fixed Kyla’s hair before we left. I was in the kitchen when Kyla walked in and she lit up the room. I told her how pretty she looked and she was happy enough to give me a quick hug. It was very sweet.

And that’s how easy it is to make someone feel good. Give a compliment. Get out of yourself and compliment someone. Whether in person or even on-line. No, a “like” isn’t a compliment. Stop it. I’ve unfriended many people who seem to want a relationship of “likes.” Grow up, we’re not 13. To have a real relationship takes work, not a click. There are hundreds of qualities others possess that I don’t that I admire. How hard is it to tell them so?

Not hard (thatswhatshesaid)

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Get outside. Without your phone.

One thing I noticed right away about our neighborhood is how many people walk. They walk alone or with kids or with dogs or with their pet snake (yup, that happened.) Coming from ‘record heat’ Texas, it was refreshing. No one walked there. It was too hot. Here? Everyone walks, still. We’ve had a cold snap here, right now it’s a balmy 27 which is 20 degrees warmer than last week. It’s supposed to be 38 on Wednesday, shorts weather. Yet even with the cold, people are still walking. Dogs have their sweaters and booties on and their people are bundled up, but they’re still walking. I’m uber impressed. At 27 degrees, the pups and I can walk up and down the street but that’s it for now. Our old girl is 9 1/2 and her little feetsies get too cold right now if we go further. But we can get outside for 5 minutes.

Without the phone. I admit; while it has to affect on me whatsoever; it annoys the ever livin’ out of me when I see moms with a kid in a buggy; dog on a leash, and is still connected to her phone. Can you NOT for 10 minutes?

But you can. Ten minutes away from your phone. You can do it. Breath in the fresh air, even if it makes your nose hairs freeze. They’ll thaw. And you get to enjoy 10 minutes of peace.

Doesn’t that sound better than fighting about politics on the Facebook?

The bad news is that time flies. The good news is that you’re the pilot.

Michael Altshuler

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In A Scramble

Posted on January 5, 2017 by tosabarbell
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Remember, hitting just a few of your goals is success. Be proud of yourself. Also, where’s the gym that serves up Martini’s? I want that gym.

Have you ever noticed ranting trends on the Facebook? Bitching about 2016? Wouldn’t have existed without the FB! The most recent trend is bitching about people who are bitching about people who make resolutions and then not keep them. I haven’t seen it and admittedly, I’m kind of surprised. I have a lot of fitness professionals along with strength and conditioning folks who are never afraid to be asshole on social media so I figured if this was really as widespread as people made it to be I’d see at least one resolution shaming post.

Nope. Nada. I’m not saying they don’t exist, I’m just admiring the trend to shame people for shaming other people. But that’s not the point of today.

Our household has some New Years Resolutions. Some we’ve already found success in; some we’ve already failed at. It’s January 5th, we’ve got time to do plenty more of both (hopefully) in the upcoming year. Our main goal for the year is to invest in friendships. Connect. Both with friends we share love with, and each other. To be honest, this is tougher the older we get. Schedules are busy enough without the added stress of trying to get together with friends, and yes, at times it’s stressful to find an open date to get together with friends.

Here’s where we’re parting ways on that front. I fully believe there are ebb and flows of friendship. We have some friends for a very long time and some that seem to burn hot for shorter amounts of time. I value both. People who have invested some of their time to enrich ours, that’s special. While we can be disappointed about not finding as much time as we previously made for each other, that’s okay. Lives twist and turn and paths sometimes don’t cross as much as they once did. No worries.

But when trying to get together turns into a fury of texts that last over days or weeks, well, no. Look, everyone is busy with what they choose to be busy with. We’re all adults here. If trying to get together brings out the “Oh my gods we’re so busy and I can’t even believe how busy we are with A, B, and C plus X, Y, and Z” well, forget it. It brings out childhood memories of listening to my parents find so much value in being overextended. I can still hear Pastor John standing up in the middle of the room at Zac and Zandra’s birthday parties announcing that “We have to go, we’re in a scramble for church on Sunday” where I guess everyone is supposed to be amazed at how busy they are. Barf. (By the way, my dad was always “in a scramble.” My thinking was that he should take some form of time management skills course to avoid the scramble but I really believe he loved being in a scramble.) Some people equate self worth with how busy they are, even if they really aren’t. Not me.

If schedules are such that getting together isn’t feasible for a while, okay. No worries. I don’t love you less, I just am not going to jump through hoops to find a time to connect. That’s not fun for me. And Girls Just Wanna Have Fun.

I’ve looked at whether or not Matt and I are doing everything we can for a more fulfilled life, i.e. be more busy. Nope. We seem to get a lot done and still have time for Top Chef on Thursdays. We’re tightening the purse strings a bit due to some upcoming travel and have looked for ways to still make an hour or two special each week without spending over $20. I guess if we have time to find some cheap fun, we have time to meet a friend for a coffee or a wine. Even if it’s impromptu. And we look for others who are comfortable enough to do the same.

There’s our resolution. So bring on the shaming of people trying to make resolutions and then I’ll shame you back for trying to shame me and then you can shame me for my hypocrisy of shaming others. That’ll get us to tomorrow where we can find something else to bitch about.

Time management is an oxymoron. Time is beyond our control, and the clock keeps ticking regardless of how we lead our lives. Priority management is the answer to maximizing the time we have.

John C. Maxwell

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Authentic in Just 12 Weeks!

Posted on December 29, 2016 by tosabarbell

newyear

It’s official! I’ve seen my first “HAVE THE BODY YOU’VE ALWAYS WANTED IN JUST 12 WEEKS!” commercial. Ok, I want a body like Ingrid Marcum. Here’s my money but I better be snatching in the 80’s while sitting around 75kg by my March meet or I want my money back. FoReals.

But we all know that this isn’t how it works. At this point, the commercials and promises by fitness studios and globo-gyms are speaking to the 80% of Americans who don’t know that this isn’t how it works. Oh sure, it’s never worked before but that’s not their fault. Right?! It would work if you were more dedicated or self-controlled or whatever else they tell people why they’ve failed. It’s never the fault of the gym or “personal trainer” (by the way, don’t ever call me a personal trainer. It’s insulting. Also, don’t ever call a personal trainer a “strength coach.” It’s insulting. We saw a post recently by one personal trainer dressing up like a strength coach that said her lifter just hit a 300# PR on his squat. Uhhhhhhh, so his squat was 0 and then he came in that day and hit 300 pounds? JHMFC, if you’re going to pretend to be a strength coach, at least understand how that works.)

Anyways.

A new body in 12 weeks isn’t “typical.” Oh sure, a few out of one hundred may hit their goal by the end of March and maybe out of those 3-5, one will be able to keep the changes they’ve worked for. One. Because we all know that drastic changes don’t last. Not only do they not last for three months, they probably won’t last 3 days. You may find drastic dieters last three weeks but that’s about the time where their 5-7 pounds a week weight loss have completely stalled out with their 750 calorie a day diet and they feel like death. So just a burger here and a piece of pie there and within a week, they’re back to being a fat. No worries, at least the person who prescribed the diet has their money.

At the end of the day, that’s all that matters. That you pay your money and are handed your cookie cutter program and diet and whether or not it works will be up to you. What is the slogan? It only works as well as you work it. Hmmmmm. FYI, drastic never works. Never. Oh sure, you can fake it for a while but that’s all you’re doing. Faking it.

How about a program that promises something different? LEARN TO BE AUTHENTIC IN 12 WEEKS OR LESS!! Careful, there will be the not so fine print in the corner that will state, must be able to take truth and tough love. Shoot, I just lost all potential customers. Again.

Quite honestly, I cannot imagine the personal prison people live in who fail to live an authentic life. Who go through their days faking it. Now, I’m not talking about the “fake it ’til you make it” mask we all sometimes put on when we’re in nervous situations. If you’ve ever been in a warm-up room, you’ll understand that. I’m talking about the chronic fear of either hiding who you really are or just the overall ability to not care that you’re a different person in front of different people. Both suck. Both are untrustworthy. Both are to be distanced from real people.

I once knew a young man who would adopt personalities of whomever his current boss was. Weird. I’d see it a lot too when I was doing certs/seminars with Rip’s crew. Young men would instantly try to adopt Rip’s persona, especially new coaching staff. It was complete barf. In fact, it just occurs to me right now that the few people I stay in contact with from those days are the ones that own their personalities. That believe in the systems but do it in their own ways. I like that. I’m awfully proud of them. Winnipeg in winter has nothing on that Texas crew environment, especially once they turn on you. Anyways.

I remember a powerlifting meet a few years ago where I had to get stern with a lifter. Like, fucking stern. Her squat warm-ups were a mess. Every rep was high and she had a deer in the headlights look about her. I couldn’t reach her. She snapped at me constantly that she was hitting depth, in spite of the red lights on her first and second attempts. And then I snapped, “Look, you can argue with me but you’re about to fucking bomb out of this meet because you refuse to be coached. Now get out there and fucking sink your squat.” Only I yelled it. In front of everyone around us. And guess what, she sank her squat and salvaged the meet. (In general, I hate talking to people like that in competition. If it’s what you need in order to perform, I’m probably not the best coach for you. I prefer quiet confidence. Cues. Do them and succeed. If I need to bring Harsh Juli to the meet, we shouldn’t hang.)

Afterwards, while she was chilling out with a group who came to cheer her on, we “laughed” about having to yell and swear at her to perform. One of her clients (she’s a fitness instructor) said, “Wow, that sounds familiar” and I quizzically looked at her. She mentioned that she may channel “her Juli” when coaching these days. Uhhhhhh, that was hint one that this girl was a bit unhinged. Why do you have to channel me? Just be yourself, isn’t that why people come to you?

Yes, I know. Being “yourself” is tough some days. People won’t understand why you’re this or that or not walking the earth to please others. You may believe that friends won’t accept you and ya know what? You may be right. But then they’re not really friends, are they? If you’re actually a malicious, self-absorbed piece of shit and you’re able to fake it to certain people, just know this; you won’t be able to fake it to everyone. And those you fool will find that out someday. HEY! I KNOW! How about just be a decent person? I’ve actually had people, who have behaved incredibly poorly, say that they care about how other people view them and want to change. Awwww, you go girl! But then they don’t. In fact, they behave even worse and offend an entire new group of people. Uhhhhh, you go girl. Good luck with that.

At the end of the day, all I can think of is what a complete crap way to walk through life. How exhausting it must be to be so fake. To live in constant fear that those around you will figure out that you’re not who you say you are. It must be horrible and I can actually have a lot of empathy for you. But ya know what? It doesn’t have to be this way. Cuz I have a program where, in just 12 weeks, you can be an authentic person living an authentic life. Even better? You don’t even have to pay me. Just do this…

…tell the truth. Nothing drastic, just tell one truth where you’re usually telling the lie. Be honest where you usually aren’t. I tell ya what, my life changed when I started to say, “I don’t know.” I was in my 20’s and a single mother of baby twins, living on $220 per week and oh by the way, daycare got half of that. There were many times I’d have to say, “I don’t know.” And guess what, I was ALWAYS rewarded in some way for asking for help and admitting I didn’t know how to do something. WIC; the food shelf; emergency utilities help, I quickly learned to humble myself and say, “I don’t know how to do this.” Now, I WAS determined to keep working and move my way up in a very successful technology company and I’m awfully proud of that but there were many days where I didn’t have time to be fake. I needed help and I needed it fast and bullshitting my way through this thing wasn’t going to work. I tell you what, being asked, “what do you need” goes a long way to someone struggling and will enable you to forget about the bullshit way YOU go through life. Authentically.

It’s freeing. It’s not easy, but you can look yourself in the mirror night after night; day after day and give yourself a little ‘atta girl’ for another day well done. Doesn’t that sound nice? A whole day of not hiding from who you really are? And you don’t have to go to fake gyms (truthful disclosure here, I go to a fake gym to get my cardio and sauna on. But come on, SAUNA!) to achieve these results. You just wake up and start being honest, if only a little at a time while you gain comfort with it. And suddenly it will be March and you’ll realize that you’re leading an authentic life.

It’ll change your world. If you have the courage to do it. I hope for you that you do. As for me? I’m over here realizing that an Ingrid Marcum body with an 80kg snatch isn’t up for sale so I’m gonna have to work to hitting 90kg in weight with a 70kg (plus, hopefully) snatch before that March meet. Oh well, not everything is able to be bought I guess. Such is life.

Heroes are never perfect, but they’re brave, they’re authentic, they’re courageous, determined, discreet, and they’ve got grit.

Wade Davis

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So Long ’16

Posted on December 28, 2016 by tosabarbell
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If the remains of your beer tent stay doesn’t look like this, you’re doing it wrong. Victoria, Canadia…you were grand.

I keep hearing it; I keep reading it, and it still confuses me. Why all the 2016 hate?

I’ve talked to a few people and here’s the consensus:

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If this picture instills rage; hate; fear, or any other weird negative emotion, please tell me how your life has changed since Trump has won the Presidential election. Just one major, devastating way your life has been turned upside down just because Trump won the election. You can waste energy hating him, but he’s the President-elect non-the-less. Although I DO understand the disappointment since I’ve lived with it for the last 8 years, my life was what I made of it in spite of political turmoil caused by the current President and his regime. Being a poor “loser” is a fine way to go through life, you have lots of company on the Facebook. But geez, what a crappy way to spend your energy and your days. But that’s only my opinion. Had Clinton won, I would have been severely disappointed and feared even more for the state of America. I get it. But I love you anyway, even though I know for a fact that I have lost what I had considered “friends” over my support of Trump. That makes me “SMH” as the kids say. I have very dear friends or at the least, acquaintances I have a high amount of respect for that have extremely different political views that I do and I’m very thankful that we can remain friends in spite of it. I tip my hat to all of you who coexist, you are becoming a rarity.

 

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People have died in 2016. For some reason, we’re all taking it very personal that people we’ve never known but have appreciated their talents have died. I will be the first to admit, Prince’s sudden death gave me a twinge. Mostly, because I’m a Minneapolis girl and there were enough of times we’d be at First Avenue/7th Street Entry or Fine Line Cafe where there would be a murmur among the crowd that Prince may be in the building and he may jam a bit. I was lucky enough to have those rumors be true a couple of times and got to see and hear some of the most amazing music I’ve ever heard. Since I was 19, I’ve known the special musician he was. I’ve always been annoyed when people defined his music by “Little Red Corvette” which is actually a fine song, but his talent went to a genius level that Casey Kasem’s top 40 didn’t really cover on Sunday mornings. People die. Every year. Every day and oh by the way, if you live in Chicago your chances go up by about 1000%. I was far more affected by Dean Bennett’s death last January than Carrie Fisher’s today. You did’t know Dean Bennett? That’s okay, I don’t expect that you did. But you didn’t know Carrie Fisher either. Dean’s impacts and talents and caring touched so many and every time we have another run-in with Fucknutt Frances next door, the first person I want to tell is Dean. He always had funny suggestions on how to deal with F.F. and I miss them. But even I didn’t know Dean well enough to have his death affect my days. I can believe his son and his wife, going through their first Christmas without him, may be less affected by David Bowie’s death but I’m only guessing. Look, while giving props to people who’s talents have been enjoyed, please don’t take it as personal as you appear to do on the social media. You look like sheep in Chicken-little suits.

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Dean Bennett

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2016 was the year I set lofty goals in regards to competition; worked as best as I could with the Bigg help of my husband and Mike Westerling and the support of so many others, and Nike’d that shit. While I didn’t take gold in Germany, the entire trip was a spectacular success. And oh, hey? Silver doesn’t suck.

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The connections I’ve made through competition are priceless. Absolutely priceless. Both in throwing and weighlifting, I have met so many amazing women who refuse to let age slow them down and I’m so proud of each and every one. I had the honor to compete with so many of the best; learn from them; laugh with them, and call many of them friend. I cherish that. I could say 2016 sucked because I didn’t do as well as I wanted to on the field. I guess that’s the crux of all of this 2016 bitching and moaning, we could all bitch about something or other. But don’t. It’s pussy. Don’t be a pussy in 2016. There are people who have lost their parents; their children; their health; their jobs or homes, or are fighting for their lives. While I’m not a huge fan of comparing struggles, if your struggle is that Princess Leia died, well…shut up. Go connect with real people so that if/when THEY die, you are truly affected. (Yes, I do know that I’m simplifying this a bit. It’s okay. You still didn’t know her. You still are choosing to be sad about something that doesn’t affect you.)

At the end of the day, folks who are healthy and have enough wealth to be sitting in front of their computer bitching and moaning on how 2016 has been such a horrible year because it didn’t go your way or people died that you are pretending to have some kind of connection  to is boring. Barf. Knock it off. Stop listening to the media telling you how you should feel so shittily about the year or the state of America. There are too many, IMO, “news” outlets who hate America and want you to also. Fuck that. Stand on your own. We can be unhappy with certain outcomes and still stand together as Americans. Come on. Think of that sappy, hippy Coke commercial with folks holding hands across America. We can do that. We need to look each other in the eyes and decide that holding hands across our differences is more rewarding than fighting on the motherfucking Facebook.

So long ’16. You weren’t horrible. You weren’t perfect. You didn’t make life easy at times (uh oh, maybe I did that myself;) At the end of Saturday night, you were just a year. 2017 will most likely see much of the same and if I’m very, very fortunate I will be saying goodbye to it a year from now just as healthy and strong and happy as I am right now with my kids and others I love just a little more successful than today.

There are people who are unhappy with everything.

Prince

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