Monday Bacon: Mirror Mirror

Posted on December 5, 2016 by tosabarbell

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It’s that time again (I wrote that in a Starbux drive-thru barista’s sing song voice.) The time of  year we take a look back on the last 12 months and decide whether it was all as wonderful as it seemed or as big of a nightmare that it felt like. If you’re normal, it was probably a bit of both. Some of us are going into the Holiday festivities with happy anticipation and some of us are forced into a season of “firsts” without a loved one. Others have moved into the dull ache of another Christmas without their someone special and at the end of the day, we just need to know that hugs are extra special around this time of year.

And for me, it’s time to look in the mirror and take inventory. If I had to sum it all up, I’d label 2016 as “win some, lose some.” On all fronts.

I have stated repeatedly that I’m not much of a movie/tv watcher (other than sports.) I’ve even tried to be a little better so I can actually join a conversation here and there about movies. I’ve ventured off the beaten path on the Netflix and have found some gems and some that, in a small but significant way, have affected me.

Spotlight

Spotlight is a film about the Boston Globe crew that brought to light the widespread abuse of not only Catholic priests; but the Catholic church itself in covering up and failing to protect it’s children from further abuse. It spoke to me and helped me realize something that brought out, possibly anyway, a slightly more fierce Jules than we’re even used to. There is a line in the movie that goes something like this, ‘a lot of these people just want acknowledgement that something happened.’ See, there was abuse in our home that I grew up in. That’s real uncomfortable for a lot of people. I’m sorry about that, I really am. Mostly I’m sorry we can’t just talk about it openly and admit that things were handled poorly. That was my realization after watching Spotlight. That while I’ve forgiven the situation, I was still angry that no one acknowledged it and even more importantly, that no one stood up for the little girl that was me. That if my parent’s said that no one can know, then we all just pretend it didn’t happen and no one stepped in and said, “Fuck that Pastor, this little girl needs someone to have her back and since no one in that house does, I will and we’re going to the cops.” And I’ve been angry about that. For, I guess, a really long time. That Aunt’s and Uncle’s and co-Pastor’s and their wives never stepped in and helped me. Not one. And because of it, I was always the problem child. Me. The victim. Since I finally talked in a way that could not be ignored, I broke the happy little family we were. And that has been my role in the family since. And I’m angry. Or at least I was. Now I’m just a little sad but so thankful that I’m not confined to that prison. But ya, right now, looking in that mirror and seeing 10 year old Jules looking back at me-so confused and sad and scared, I’m a bit sad.

See, when I mentioned in an earlier post that I hate drama, especially stupid girl high school drama, I meant it. So in a couple of situations where gossipy; grimy; troublemaking girls brought drama into my life I snapped. I was dealing with shit and had no time or energy for stupid issues that just showed their insecurities and for some reason they wanted me to be a part of it. It affected how I feel about Highland Games and the main reason that we’ve already severely cut our participation in them. Because we’ve found our tribe in them. The people that DO have your back (understandably a big issue for me) and help you grow as a person and share so much joy by just being with them, well, we’ve decided it’s just more important to spend money seeing them instead of going to a Highland Games where some stupid girls actually need to be followed around by the AD their behavior is so bad. (FYI, this is why being a Master’s athlete is complete bomb. We don’t have these problems and why 2017 will be the year of the Master’s games. Yeah old people!)

And now it’s time to lay to rest that I just am not going to get that acknowledgement. I don’t even get a $20,000 settlement like some of the abuse victims in Boston (where’s Eric MacLeish when you need him?) But I DO know that I’m surrounded by people who have my back and that’s all that matters.

The Big Short

I adore this movie and when I’m cleaning or doing other things around the house and want a break from the radio, I’ll put it on to listen to while I get shit done. Steve Carell is brilliant and a line his (still hot) wife played by Marisa Tomei says grabbed me. Something along the lines of you need to perfect every perceived wrong around you. Uhhh, hi me, met me much? The above plays a large part in this but it explained a lot. Why do I care? If people are shitty people and bully others but not me, why should I care? Here’s why. Because, for some reason, when I’m around people harness their shitty behavior and when I’m not or if I’m on the other side of, say, a field they bring it out on someone they know won’t fight back. I don’t like it. Often times it’s not even my business, but I don’t like it. I’ve got your back. My friends know that and I hope they trust it. I think they do. But it also means that I’ve been unable to step back and say, “I love you but you’ve got to figure this one out. If this person thinks you’re an easy target then you need to stand up and make sure they know they’re mistaken.” I need to do that more. As much as I don’t like walls, I need to make sure mine is up more than I do. I need to be a better judge of who I’m allowing through the gates. Not where it comes to my good friends, but the circle just out from there. My life these last couple of months has been so much better after I realized this and stepped back. So, 2017, more please.

The last little bit is recent, as in, last week. I started watching an A&E series with Leah Remini opening up some controlling and abusive situations revolved around the Church of Scientology. Not surprising, I like her. She’s very “come at me Bro with everything you got and be prepared for the fight I’ll bring” and well, many of you have met me so understand why I like that. A small line she said that got blown by pretty quick was something like this, This is so wrong and I’m so angry but I can’t do anything about it.

Ya. That’s the crux of it all. There’s so much shit in the world that we can’t do anything about that when people want to pretend that little things are tragedy, well, I.Just.Can’t. Trump being President is not tragedy. Veterans suffering from mental illness and being ignored is fucking tragedy. A new apartment building going up in your neighborhood is not tragedy. Having a school across the street with hundreds of kids where many are going home to unsafe environments (by statistical probability) is tragedy. Fucking perspective. Gain some.

OH! Honorable mention to the movies on relationships. We don’t watch many of them and I’ve already written about it laughing at relationships has been good for us. Like, really good. Matt and I went through a lot this year and leaving 2016 stronger and happier than we’ve ever been is an absolute gift. The best. For someone going through most of life without anyone having their back and suddenly having one of the world’s biggest and strongest shielding you from shit? Well, as the credit card people say, Priceless.

So while some of the mirror watching has been tough; a little sad; has forced some self reflection on how I need to adjust, it’s also been helpful to see how absolutely gifted my life is.

So I’ll say a very sincere thank you 2016. You’ve been hard at times, but grand overall. And I’ll cross my fingers and say a little prayer that 2017 is good to those I love, and a little less combative for those I don’t. Heh.

I’ll also vow not to eat a whole pan of Pumpkin Bars. At least until next Thanksgiving.

Christmas is a season not only of rejoicing but of reflection.

Winston Churchill 

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Throwing? Anyone? Bueller?

Posted on November 30, 2016 by tosabarbell
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Caber toss at the first ever Grandfather Mountain Highland Games.

I haven’t thrown; thought about throwing; drilled; thought about drilling, or even touched a throwing implement to get it out of my way since August in Buffalo. Nearly 4 months now. Man, has it been nice.

I was burned out. I’ve pushed hard these last four years including off season strength training along with drilling and just for fun, last year I added Weightlifting goals in the mix. While I nearly accomplished all of my goals for the year, I’m tired; overweight, and my hormones are a mess from two years of 10×10’s and training 4-5 days a week (not to mention just being a woman in her late 40’s.)

While I’ve had to continue to focus on my Weightlifting longer, I was healing up my hamstring injury from Master’s Worlds and trying to stay recovered and as uninflamed as possible. And I may not be done yet. I have registered for Master’s Nationals Weightlifting meet next March and, since I bombed out at American Championships earlier this month, may need to do another local meet if my total from Master’s World Championships does not qualify as a USA Weightlifting sanctioned meet. (Yes, it “should” which is the answer I keep getting from everyone EXCEPT the powers that be. I’ve written no less than 5 emails and left phone messages and still haven’t received an answer. At this time, I’m registered for a local meet in Aurora, IL in a couple of weeks and if a 106kg total is all I need, it’s all I’ll go for. I think Matt and I worked out that my 2nd snatch warm-up will be my opener and my 3rd clean and jerk warm-up will be go time for that lift. While I’m annoyed that no one has gotten back to me, I’ll play the game and just qualify to be safe.) But in no way whatsoever will I push my lifts at the meet.

And I’m getting antsy to throw again. I’m also getting pretty excited to start working towards a new set of goals. See, last year I wanted to throw far. I knew my mechanics still weren’t where they needed to be which means I needed to be as strong and powerful as I could be to hang. This year? Mechanics. All mechanics.

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I received an effective drill for Hammers from Chuck Kasson at Enumclaw that I played with a little bit and started to feel the hammer in motion. But Worlds was two or three weeks later and after that I was done. I want to go back to those drills, and only those drills,  and assuming it’s not arctic outside I can do that. I want to take the time to just move and feel. I want to become friends with the Hammer in 2017 and stop fighting with it. That means sessions dedicated only to Hammers instead of a few throws at the end of practice where I’m already tired.

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photo credit: gettyimages

Ok, I lied. I played with an implement or two in Germany with Petra and Uli and their throws group. It was tons of fun but I had just lifted the day before and PR’d my Clean and Jerk by 4kg which was pretty awesome but I was feeling it the next day. One of my goals; however; was to get some stones drills from Uli. I grabbed the children’s stone and he gave me three drills revolving around getting my right hip turned to the field prior to the throw. I haven’t got this down yet and when I see people do it or photo’s like the above, it makes sense to me. Luckily, I can run these drills inside at a local gym where fellow throwers Ross & Victoria Bunchek built a contraption we can throw into. It’s pretty awesome and I’m very thankful to them for letting others play in their sandbox. Right hip turn and jump. That will be month one. Yes, there’s more to it than that but first things first.

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Watching the likes of Dan McKim, Matt Vincent, and Spencer Tyler throw weights is extremely helpful.

While I do well at Weights, I believe there’s more there. I’m not hitting the positions as clean as I can and actually need to slow things down to feel them. One of the worst cues to give me is to “power” or “sprint” after the fist turn. Because I’ll do it and in the process not only completely blow through any useful positions to set up a big toss, but probably power right through the toe board and foul the throw. I have in my head what that looks like, now I just need to make my body do it. Also, I’m still dealing with this hamstring. We went Turkey bowling last week and I had to be very careful on those releases. Snatch pulls are helping give it a nice big stretch but I need to watch it.

And I’m still lifting. And hitting some cardio and hot yoga each week. OH! As if that’s not enough, I registered for next March’s meet as a 90kg lifter. I weighed in at 103 at the last meet. 13 kilos and probably another one or two for insurance. And while I had made progress the last few weeks, Thanksgiving sugar pretty much took care of that. Heh.

As for my lifting, I’m only doing accessory pulls to work on weak points of my lifts while trying to recover from the year but it’s still stress and I need to be very careful about it all. I’m no longer working with Mike Westerling so am on my own. I’ll always be thankful to Mike for not only his help but all of his encouragement this last year. But I was a weightlifter/thrower with a very aggressive schedule and a Masters woman at that so there was a lot of trial and error throughout the year and often times I was still under recovered and both my throws and my lifts showed it. I don’t know exactly what my programming will look like for 2017, right now I’m just taking it one week at a time and it’s likely I’ll stay with that model for the rest of the year.

And 2017 is my 50  year. I can’t wait! But what that means is that I have to be more disciplined than EVER to promote recovery and keep inflammation as low as possible. Food; sleep; keeping sessions efficient but watching the volume and intensity and always, my wine. I really like having a glass at night. But then the bottle is open and what am I gonna do, let it go bad?

The good news is that our throwing schedule for 2017 is quite different than it has been in past years. Right now, the only Games we have planned are the local ‘Tosa Games the first weekend in June and Iceland towards the end of June. We’ll try to hit Minnesota again in early July and assuming I’m on the ball this year with registration, will make our trek out west this year for Portland. We’re going to skip Enumclaw. As much fun as we’ve had the last three years and family time is so precious, we want to leave the funds and time open for a new Games somewhere. Maybe the Southeast or California. There’s good beer on both coasts so getting Matt to either won’t be a problem. Heh. We’ll go from there but it’s a good start and having extra time to work the basics mean I can be smart about it all.

In theory.

I value self-discipline, but creating systems that make it next to impossible to misbehave is more reliable than self-control.

Tim Ferriss

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Monday Bacon: Contouring

Posted on November 28, 2016 by tosabarbell
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Before and after. Well done makeup. Well done.

I have to admit, I hate those contouring videos that are all over the Instagram. The amount of makeup these 20 somethings are putting on their face is disgusting. I literally scream at the screen, “THIS IS THE BEST YOUR SKIN IS EVER GOING TO BE!!!! STOP!!!!!” Well, I used to. Now I just let these stupid 20 somethings compete with the attention whoring “fitness” Instagram girls and stay focused on my puppy and panda video’s and pictures. (Ya, I also watch a crap ton of throwing and weightlifting video’s but even THEY aren’t as much fun as Pandas getting their medicine videos.)

***WARNING*** This post is far easier for me to write knowing this woman and husband will not be frequenting the White House often during the next four years. Fact.

There is a photo circulating right now of Hillary Clinton without her make up on. Oh I know, it’s meant to show what an old hag she’s become and thank goodness that she won’t be our President. Blah blah blah.

I remember this past year when Mrs. Clinton’s make up artist was hitting the contouring hard. I mean, come on people, we’re not stupid. You look refreshed the morning after looking like a Czech Gangbang star, some questions will be asked. Duh. But now there’s this:

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And even then, I think she has some light make up on.

I dunno. I like it. It’s real. It’s age. It’s a lifetime in politics and being married to an obvious womanizer/cheater/rapist but staying with him in attempts to achieve your own goals. I tip my hat. Especially because, if we’re lucky enough to enter into our 70’s, dude, this is coming. I still need to find a picture of my Tutu before she died because the lines I have at nearly 50 are forming verbatim to hers. Just this past weekend, I looked at my 23 year old daughter’s hands and mine and realized that mine are Tutu’s aged to perfection..

By the way, other people’s candid’s who are going on 70 or just into the 70’s…

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I loved Michael Douglas in Romancing the Stone; The War of the Roses, and Basic Instinct. In fact, a perfect snow day are those 3 movies.

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Lonesome Dove. Nuff said.

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Ok, she’s actually 81 but DAMN! 81!!!!

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I’ve always loved Angelica Huston. Prizzi’s Honor remains the ultimate Mobster movie and as Morticia? Nailed it!

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Even Broadway Joe ages. Even Broadway Joe.

Moral of the story? We all age. If the papers want to go after Mrs. Clinton for being one half of the most corrupt political couple in U.S. History, I’m all in. But if all you want to do is show a picture without her make up on to try to make her look bad, I’m out. Gawds, how hard is it for either side of our media to be classy?

I guess the hardest #thatswhatshesaid.

It is a fact that around the world the elites of every country are making money.

Hillary Clinton

p.s. Including you Mrs. Clinton. Including you.

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Friday Jams: Bigger Than You

Posted on November 11, 2016 by tosabarbell

I’ve said enough on how I feel about friends and acquaintances on how their social media behavior since Trump’s election as President is viewed. People I love and admire have forwarded innuendo as fact; have taken one person’s words and completely rewired them to their own “fitting” protest; have spent their energy spewing hate against people and beliefs that have never done the same to them. All in the name of America. I guess I’ve said enough. I’ll never understand it, like I said the other day, welcome to my last 8 years. What I failed to say was this, while you are filled with fear as to what direction your country is going in, you may be right. I have seen the direction of this country go to where we are today. Where high school girls are beaten for saying how they voted and just one girl came to help. Where we have given all control over to the media who have been proven to be liars over and over. Where the longstanding corruption; lies; murder; rape, and harrasment of rape victims of one couple isn’t bad enough to stop pretending we’re offended by one candidate’s ‘hot mike’ comment 11 years ago. He apologized and moved on. Make sure you don’t do the same.

And now I need to do the same, move on. My disappointment will ebb. Always does.

On the 11th hour, of the 11th day, of the 11th month in 1918 a cessation of hostilities was declared.

Let’s do the same. Because this moment is bigger than you and your social media smears. Come on, we have about 30 minutes. Gather around the flag pole in your mind and grasp hands with all those who you vehemently have disagreed with this week and look up. Come together in thanks to each and every person whose time and lives were given so that we can be so divided in the first place.

30 minutes.

American veterans have served their country with the belief that democracy and freedom are ideals to be upheld around the world.

John Doolittle

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