Scotch Tape.

Posted on December 18, 2013 by tosabarbell

UffDa, I ruffled feathers yesterday.

Ya know what I hate? I hate it when writers, famous of those and big bloggers and just lil ‘ol me ruffles feathers and then backs off. Apologizes. Oh wait, I offended someone? I am SO sorry. I take back everything offensive I’ve ever said in life…uhhhh, that’s a lot actually.

Um, no. That’s not me. I warned people that I was ranting. Have I done that before? No. So you knew guns were blazing. Was I talking to you? No. Not you, or you, or you. There were at least 30 people I pictured directly involved in yesterday’s post. If you felt something, that’s on you. Sorry. (But I’m really not.)

Yesterday was one of over 360 posts. Before you complain about one line of one post, I’d like you to go back and read every post and then tell me your least favorite 10 lines of all my posts. It’s quite likely that I can explain my point of view on all 10 lines (it’s also likely that it will include the word Fuck. I really love that word.) If I want, which I probably don’t.

Too many people are addicted to sugar and carbs and crappy eating. Uhhhh, has anyone noticed THAT I AM ONE? Have I not been real? Have I not laid out my baggage for all to see? Has it been therapeutic for me? Damn straight. As I was eating lunch with my brilliant, beautiful cousin yesterday I said outright, “I have a blog, I don’t keep anything inside.” I also have an on-line training log. I’m about as transparent as scotch tape. Are you?

Did I piss you off? Did I offend? Ask yourself why before you come my way. I will be the first to admit, I cuss. Uhhhhh, ya? There have been a few posts where I cringe knowing that less than a handful of people will see it and say to themselves ‘but why do you have to say Fuck so much Jules?’ But that’s me. Scotch tape. Gee whiz Mrs. Cleaver I just really like to cuss. Always have. Probably always will.

But I don’t hide. WYSIWYG.

If you think eating whole grains is healthy, you’re wrong. If you think you need to eat crappy food at the Holiday’s because it’s tradition, you’re wrong. If you think your children need sugar treats to feel special, you’re wrong. If you think chronic inflammation of a loved one isn’t dangerous, you’re wrong. If you think being skinny is more important than being strong, you’re wrong.  If you think low fat, high carb is the diet you should follow, you’re wrong. If you think that listening to a doctor prescribing meds instead of getting off your fat ass and changing your diet is the way to go, you’re wrong. If you think constant cardio without strength training is the way to be healthy, you’re wrong. I can’t help that you’re wrong on so many levels if you fall in line with these things. That’s not on me. It’s on you. Start your own blog and try to tell me why I’M wrong.

See, I made a whole paragraph without saying Fuck. Yeah me.

But I stand behind every post. Every line. Every cuss word. This is me. If you like parts of it but not other parts, that’s ok. Really. Completely okay. I’m right. This is how we live, warts and all so to speak. We are an imperfect pair…but we’re not inflammed. And oh by the way, that STILL doesn’t guarantee us immortal life. A dear Strongman from here in Wisconsin was killed in a car accident this week. It is tragedy magnified by a thousand, unimaginable loss. We all are going to go at some point. All we’re doing is trying to live as comfortable and healthy as we can.

And we’re not hiding. Scotch tape. We’re imperfect, we’re honest, and we’re trying. And we’re right here in the wide open.

Are you?

Your computer needn’t be the first thing you see in the morning and the last thing you see at night.

Simon Mainwaring

Training Log

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Circle The Wagons

Posted on December 17, 2013 by tosabarbell

This has been brewing a while and I’ve tried to figure a way to write about it without calling specific people out. Well, I guess I’m annoyed enough that I don’t care if people think I’m talking to them on this one.

The term “circle the wagons” is one I’ve come to hate. Why? Because in many cases, people are circling wagons and protecting destructive habits of loved ones. In today’s case? Shitty food.

What do you do when you’re giving a halfway ‘one for the gipper’ attempt to eat more healthy but those around you can’t/don’t give you support you need? I don’t know. Honestly? I don’t know. I don’t know how to fix this one and it’s been driving me crazy.

First of all, if my beloved tells me we can’t have cupcakes or loaves of tasty, fresh bread or else he will eat it all and I KNOW he’s not kidding? Then out it goes. This is actually the other way around in our home but it still applies. I can’t have shit laying around the house. Cuz I’ll eat it. I know that about me. Call me weak. Call me undisciplined. Don’t care, it’s true. What I CAN do is keep to a couple of dark chocolate Christmas kisses each day and be satisfied. Cuz it’s still chocolate but shitty chocolate so I won’t overeat it.

Bring in chips; anything pastry like; even crappy generic bread that can magically be transformed into tasty tasty peanut butter toast and it’s gone. So guess what? We don’t keep it in the house. Cuz my health is that important. And before you co-dependent carb loaders start sputtering, ‘but, but just because YOU have a problem doesn’t mean I should pay for it by not having this delicious shitty food on hand!’  Yes. Yes it does. Cuz you care about me, and ultimately guess what? YOU DON’T NEED THE SHIT EITHER!!! 

Sidebar: Ok, here’s something that will blow your mind. ALL. GRAINS. ARE. SHIT. Whole grains are shit. They cause inflammation. Don’t believe me? Who DO you believe? Kellogg’s? Cuz they have your best interest at heart? Uhhhhh, ok. Who else says whole grains are good…OH! The Government. Dieticians (who learn this shit from the government.) Uhhhh, ok. The Government wouldn’t LIE to you would they? (pssssst, remember the high carb/low fat food pyramid that hung from every wall in every classroom in every school and anywhere “health” was promoted. Ummmmmm, they lied.)

The fact that you’ve talked yourself into eating like complete garbage and then stubbornly circle the wagons around your bread, sugar, and whole grains makes me believe you’re far less smarter than I gave you credit for. True story.

Secondly, for those of you who say, ‘but we need to keep these sugary, tasty treats in the house for the kids or else they get very upset.’ Fuck you. You’re too stupid to procreate. Congratulations. You’ve just passed on your shitty relationship with food down to your kids. Way to go. Like being in your 40’s and fat and powerless? So will your kids, right? The good news is that you’ll be long gone cuz the chronic inflammation has killed you before your kids get into their 30’s and you won’t have to watch them yo-yo diet themselves in sheer misery. Cuz you’ll be dead. So there’s that.

You are a parent. You have a responsibility to admit that what you’re eating was wrong. We need to change kids. We’re doing this together. Your Mom/Dad doesn’t agree but that doesn’t mean WE can’t get healthy. I care enough about YOUR future that I’m putting my relationship on the line with my spouse/partner and we’re going to do things different around here. Treats are not for every day. If you think you can’t get through a day without a sugary treat, then I’ll be here while you detox. It will be unpleasant and I’m just so very sorry I’ve encouraged this addiction in you. That’s my failure. But we’re fixing it today. Right now.

And oh by the way schools who allow cupcakes, cookies, and Twinkies into my child’s classroom on a daily basis. Stop it. Now. You give my kid sugar again without my permission and heads are going to roll. Starting with YOU Mr. teacher who is also addicted to sugar. You think I”M HARSH because mine is the ONE child who can’t have the sugary treat and they’ll feel bad? Don’t care. Their health is more important and the fact that FOOD AND FEELINGS actually have NOTHING to do with each other is a good lesson you could adhere to.

Lastly, to you. Yes, YOU! You who kind of enjoy the wagons being circled around you cuz then you don’t have to change at all when change may be the only thing that could save your life or at the very least improve it…knock it off. The only people who are powerless over food or lack there of are in prison, or a third world. Not here. Not even close. You are smart people. Fix what’s inside that you need total and complete affirmation that you’re wrong. Believe me, we all have people in our lives who will tell us exactly what we WANT to hear. That’s good…I guess. But make sure you have enough people in your life who will tell you exactly what you NEED to hear. Who will break through the wagon train and yank you out of your comfy little pile of shit you’ve decided to protect yourself with.

SRSLY.

Training Log

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Snapshots

Posted on December 16, 2013 by tosabarbell

We don’t remember days, we remember moments.

Cesare Pavese

I like this saying. It’s corny, I know. But it’s how I roll. Days roll into months that roll into years and suddenly we’re into the last few weeks of 2013. I still have my Halloween towels in the bathroom which is a good indicator of how time has gotten away from me. This last year has been a whirlwind.

tosabarbell has settled into a steady rhythm. Neighbors have reluctantly accepted the fact that dogs bark and barbells get dropped from overhead causing noises they didn’t have in their previous 2 acre lot (tell me again WHY you moved into the city?) Jobs have changed for the better (so much better) and decisions have been made by all on future competitions. Addresses have changed by some, stayed the same for others (thank goodness.)

I saw my first tribute video on the TCM channel of Hollywood icons who have passed away this year which always makes me look back and try to capture some snapshots before they are lost into the void of “past.” There are some I’ve already let go unintentionally. But there are so many other precious moments…

Reindeer!

Walking towards Bigg’s Iceman strongman competition, crossing a ski hill as ski jumpers leap off the jump near the outdoor venue in Finnish Lapland when suddenly Reindeer being led go by.

My first trip overseas has so many moments that make me smile. Walking down the hill with full cups of Hot Cocoa and peppermint schnapps with Laurence Shahlaei’s girl, Liz, and almost falling on my arse after getting through the hardest part. Then almost spilling because we were laughing so hard. Standing in one of the Ruka buildings with my Bigg man overlooking the vast, snowy countryside watching the sun set.

My first full season of Highland games are filled with so many incredible moments. The camaraderie; the support; the falling on your ass or laughing when someone else does it; the trash talk. Ooooooo, the trash talk! I learned so much, from so many and there were some who quickly became an important part of not only our Highland lives, but our everyday lives…

Katie's Sheaf World record prize

Throwing in the North American Championships at Enumclaw was one of the biggest thrills of the season. Spending time with some of my favorite Peterson’s in the Seattle area for a few days before the event and then stepping on the field and watching so many amazing throwers. Kristi Scott’s world record wob she so quietly tossed was amazing. Getting advice and helpful hints from some of the Women’s best as well as from our judge Michelle Crownhart and most importantly finding a kinship with competitor Mona Malec. She’s become a sister in spirit and I’m so thankful for her.

There were many personal bests this year, and personal worsts. The numbers aren’t the important part. It’s the people. It’s the support and love I got from my family and especially my Bigg man. It’s friends from all corners of the country and our excitement to see them again as soon as the next season gears up. OH! And the beer tents, it’s about the beer tents too…

Traveling with Matt has afforded me some amazing, unexpected moments. Watching the best of the best compete; gaining friends from all around the globe; training in distant lands, and sharing post event fun with some of the greatest that are called Strongman…

And the king of Strongman. Watching Big Z compete; having him chauffeur us around Vilnius; watching him interact with peeps in his gym, and finally getting the courage up to ask for a pic (ya, I’m a nerd. That’s not remarkable.)

We had an amazing opportunity to spend time with my pilots. My handful minus Howie who was still deployed but there certainly there in spirit. A bright light in my life they are. And quick to check in when life hits the fan. A brief, but poignant little text chat I had with KCon a few weeks ago…

‘I’m so sad KCon.’  and she replied…

‘Then I’m sad too.’ 

If it’s possible to bear hug through texts, leave it to my fighter pilot to find a way…

 

I’ve watched this year as my children have found success, and failure, and success from failure. The Z’s have learned tough adult life lessons and are still finding their way, but that’s ok. They’re 20. Plenty of time to figure it all out. They’ve done remarkable on their own and are still clawing their way out of hungry college student and ‘what the hellz am I supposed to do with my life’ questions that are common. Just keep fighting Z’s. Don’t stop fighting.

Oz found that football is just as much fun as he imagined and even without playing in many of the games, he supported and cheered on his teammates and I just couldn’t be more proud. Having his sister at one of his games was a thrill for him. He misses his sissy and big brother…as do I.

And through it all, there is my Bigg man. We’ve loved; we’ve fought; we’ve laughed; we’ve cried; we almost walked away, and thank goodness found our way back and are looking to a future together. He’s my hero; my rock; my husband to be. The many moments we’ve shared this past year are too numerous to recall and most of them would be too boring for the masses. But my favorite remains on our way back from Finland when I looked at him and said,

This life you give me, Iz good.

Training Log

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Monday Bacon: A Constant Companion

Posted on December 15, 2013 by tosabarbell

I came from humble beginnings. I’ve mentioned it before, no need to rehash. But 11 years ago, I was fortunate enough to be reunited with some of my biological family. Our dear Texas Gran, who filled in some blanks of our father after he abandoned us. My baby brother, also down in Texas and actually grew up near the place we once lived as a family. Our Mother’s family on Maui including our beautiful Auntie and cousins. Sadly, our Mother had passed away so quickly after losing us she never got to see how strong and wonderful her children have become. The only missing link is our older sister Becky. The one who ensured that we would get some food in our bellies at times, lots to take in for a four year old.

And then there was Carol Sue U’ilani Knapp. She was, as it turns out, my constant companion. See, she was me when I was born in Wailuku. She seemingly disappeared when I was adopted and became Juli Peterson. Dismissed, not needed any longer. Her chaotic life for over two years wiped clear. Or were they?

I’ve been going back and forth about writing on this. It’s personal. It’s deep. But it’s growth, and it’s freeing, so here goes.

See, Juli and Carol were deeply entrenched. Carol was hungry and abandoned. So Juli had to take care of her. I (Juli) would hide food for Carol Sue so she was never hungry again. Carol didn’t have a voice, so I spoke for her. If she was scared (and she was always scared), I would fiercely protect her with my anger. I wouldn’t let anyone near her again who could hurt her. There were times where scary things happened to both of us and neither of us spoke out. This made me even more angry that I failed to protect Carol Sue. She’d been through so much already, I couldn’t abandon her again. More anger, more fierce protection. My job in life was to make sure she never hurt again.

It was exhausting. Cuz life hurts sometimes and I would fail to protect the sad little girl who was always with me. So I had to try harder. Always her protector, always ready to battle no matter what the cost. I would leave people behind who threatened her, of course. It was our way. We’d walk away. There always had to be an open door for us and we always had one foot in it. Waiting for the one fight; the one criticism; the one chance to leave. And we always left. Had to. Had to protect my sad little girl.

Until now. Actually until about three weeks ago. When I realized that if we left again, Juli was leaving behind the life of her dreams with the man who led them. Uh oh. What to do. I couldn’t abandon little Carol Sue, could I? It was that night, as Matt and I were trying to patch back together a mess we had sewn, that I realized I wasn’t abandoning her…but letting her go home. She had me to walk her to the door, give one last hug, and let her go. Matt was there, helping me watch her leave. It made me so sad.

But it was time. Time to stand on my own, let go. And stay put. No more running, no more fighting for her. I’d like to think she’s at peace now, at least in my heart she is.

And here we are, as many of you already know, getting married.  Yes, we announced it on the Facebook. Why? Because there’s a whole bunch of you people who have had an amazing impact on our life together and sharing with you has been just as important as sharing with family members. Some didn’t like it and the fact that my betrothed had to sit on the phone and apologize profusely when we should have been celebrating together speaks volumes to me as to whose energy we will seek when we tie the knot. In all, the well wishes, good thoughts, love and messages we’ve received are completely overwhelming. We even got our “Iz Good!” from our wonderful Finnlander friend.  We’re taking all of this wonderful energy into our daily life. The wedding, if there is one, will be small. Simple. Good energy. Loving thoughts. It will revolve around us and our future together surrounded by those of you who got us here and for those of you who can’t make the trek for a small gathering, we know you’ll be here in spirit. That’s all. My constant companion won’t be there though. She’s moved on and is secure and happy wherever she went. That’s comforting. As is the future with Matt.

Deep. Growth. Real. All gifts just in time for Christmas.

Life itself is the most wonderful fairy tale.

Hans Christian Andersen

Training Log

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