Circle The Wagons

This has been brewing a while and I’ve tried to figure a way to write about it without calling specific people out. Well, I guess I’m annoyed enough that I don’t care if people think I’m talking to them on this one.

The term “circle the wagons” is one I’ve come to hate. Why? Because in many cases, people are circling wagons and protecting destructive habits of loved ones. In today’s case? Shitty food.

What do you do when you’re giving a halfway ‘one for the gipper’ attempt to eat more healthy but those around you can’t/don’t give you support you need? I don’t know. Honestly? I don’t know. I don’t know how to fix this one and it’s been driving me crazy.

First of all, if my beloved tells me we can’t have cupcakes or loaves of tasty, fresh bread or else he will eat it all and I KNOW he’s not kidding? Then out it goes. This is actually the other way around in our home but it still applies. I can’t have shit laying around the house. Cuz I’ll eat it. I know that about me. Call me weak. Call me undisciplined. Don’t care, it’s true. What I CAN do is keep to a couple of dark chocolate Christmas kisses each day and be satisfied. Cuz it’s still chocolate but shitty chocolate so I won’t overeat it.

Bring in chips; anything pastry like; even crappy generic bread that can magically be transformed into tasty tasty peanut butter toast and it’s gone. So guess what? We don’t keep it in the house. Cuz my health is that important. And before you co-dependent carb loaders start sputtering, ‘but, but just because YOU have a problem doesn’t mean should pay for it by not having this delicious shitty food on hand!’  Yes. Yes it does. Cuz you care about me, and ultimately guess what? YOU DON’T NEED THE SHIT EITHER!!! 

Sidebar: Ok, here’s something that will blow your mind. ALL. GRAINS. ARE. SHIT. Whole grains are shit. They cause inflammation. Don’t believe me? Who DO you believe? Kellogg’s? Cuz they have your best interest at heart? Uhhhhh, ok. Who else says whole grains are good…OH! The Government. Dieticians (who learn this shit from the government.) Uhhhh, ok. The Government wouldn’t LIE to you would they? (pssssst, remember the high carb/low fat food pyramid that hung from every wall in every classroom in every school and anywhere “health” was promoted. Ummmmmm, they lied.)

The fact that you’ve talked yourself into eating like complete garbage and then stubbornly circle the wagons around your bread, sugar, and whole grains makes me believe you’re far less smarter than I gave you credit for. True story.

Secondly, for those of you who say, ‘but we need to keep these sugary, tasty treats in the house for the kids or else they get very upset.’ Fuck you. You’re too stupid to procreate. Congratulations. You’ve just passed on your shitty relationship with food down to your kids. Way to go. Like being in your 40’s and fat and powerless? So will your kids, right? The good news is that you’ll be long gone cuz the chronic inflammation has killed you before your kids get into their 30’s and you won’t have to watch them yo-yo diet themselves in sheer misery. Cuz you’ll be dead. So there’s that.

You are a parent. You have a responsibility to admit that what you’re eating was wrong. We need to change kids. We’re doing this together. Your Mom/Dad doesn’t agree but that doesn’t mean WE can’t get healthy. I care enough about YOUR future that I’m putting my relationship on the line with my spouse/partner and we’re going to do things different around here. Treats are not for every day. If you think you can’t get through a day without a sugary treat, then I’ll be here while you detox. It will be unpleasant and I’m just so very sorry I’ve encouraged this addiction in you. That’s my failure. But we’re fixing it today. Right now.

And oh by the way schools who allow cupcakes, cookies, and Twinkies into my child’s classroom on a daily basis. Stop it. Now. You give my kid sugar again without my permission and heads are going to roll. Starting with YOU Mr. teacher who is also addicted to sugar. You think I”M HARSH because mine is the ONE child who can’t have the sugary treat and they’ll feel bad? Don’t care. Their health is more important and the fact that FOOD AND FEELINGS actually have NOTHING to do with each other is a good lesson you could adhere to.

Lastly, to you. Yes, YOU! You who kind of enjoy the wagons being circled around you cuz then you don’t have to change at all when change may be the only thing that could save your life or at the very least improve it…knock it off. The only people who are powerless over food or lack there of are in prison, or a third world. Not here. Not even close. You are smart people. Fix what’s inside that you need total and complete affirmation that you’re wrong. Believe me, we all have people in our lives who will tell us exactly what we WANT to hear. That’s good…I guess. But make sure you have enough people in your life who will tell you exactly what you NEED to hear. Who will break through the wagon train and yank you out of your comfy little pile of shit you’ve decided to protect yourself with.

SRSLY.

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About tosabarbell

For training opportunities at tosabarbell, call or text Juli at 320-296-9313. jep6095@gmail.com tosabarbell is a private, home grown gym with three lifting platforms; squat rack; prowlers; throwing implements; bars, bumpers and everything else needed for an effective strength and conditioning program. Straightforward barbell programming including the Olympic lifts; sound (read: not fancy bullshit) diet advance for weight gain or loss; and strong coaching will ensure you will meet your goals such as becoming stronger, more explosive, and better conditioned. Juli has been coaching teams and athletes for over 20 years. She grew up participating in various sports at various levels but was always drawn to those that require strength training. She is a 2-time Master's Amercian Weightlifting Champion and holds six Master's American records. She is a Master's Weightlifting National Champion and holds three National records. She is a Master's Weightlifting World Championships Silver Medalist in 2016. Juli is also a Masters Highland Games World Champion and holds three World Records in the Braemar Stone; Heavy Weight for Distance, and Light Weight for Distance in the 45-49 class. Her 5 years of training and coaching under Mark Rippetoe has honed her coaching skills to be a top choice for you to reach your strength and conditioning goals. Juli will strongly encourage tosabarbell athletes to compete (and prepare you to do so.) However; tosabarbell is also for those who just wish to be stronger and go through life feeling better. Matt WanAt is a retired Professional Strongman who competed frequently with Strongman Champions League in Europe. He played a year of D1 football with Iowa before concentrating on his Chemical Engineering degree in Iowa City. He is a native of Wauwatosa and still remains a staunch supporter of Tosa East. This blog will be a mixture of strength notes, coaching and nutrition tips, personal shit; bacon delicacies, and a whole lot of fun.
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