Raise A Cog

Posted on November 12, 2013 by tosabarbell

There are many definitions of the word Cog but my favorite so far is: A subordinate member of an organization who performs necessary but usually minor or routine functions.

Sooooooo, like a kid? Ya know, each one in the family? Vital to run smoothly but no more and no less than the next one? Like that?

Cuz for now, I’ve had it with the little Johnny’s of the world running around thinking they’re the most special in all the land. Mommies did that. Stop doing that. Know what happens to kids who think the world revolves around them? Uhhhhh, they become adults who thinks the world revolves around them. Duh.

Each family member is a Cog, vital for cohesiveness; but no one holds the golden key to greatness.

Our family getting ready for camping roadtrip? Z’s lay out camping bins, tents, sleeping bags, etc. Everything needed for cozy camp living. The little Oz man  carrying down pillows, blankets for the car, everything laid out that he could carry. Ma supervises and gets food and drinks packed up. Everyone has a job. If one of us fails our job, the whole unit hurts. So we all rely on each other to succeed. We took many roadtrips this way. Texas, multiple times to visit Granny; Yellowstone to hook up with the Washington relatives (one of the funnest 10 days of my life), and Seattle…the granddaddy of all roadtrips. Over 1600 miles of road; kids; mountain passes; and as many Capri Suns and red licorice one Tahoe could hold. (OH! Peanut butter cookies with a kiss in them. The babysitter sent us westward ho with a box of those. We wouldn’t have made it without ’em!) I was a proud Ma. We did it together. I couldn’t have done it without Zac. Or Zandra. Or Oscar. Or the Tahoe;)

If at any point in time, one of the kids revolted and pulled any type of “I need royal treatment, serve me” bullshit that I see kids doing these days, we would’ve sunk. The just past babyhood Oz man had a slight meltdown while gassing up in Spokane but after some explosive dia…well, you get the picture; all was well. (He also wanted to go back home and grab the shovels when we hit snow on our first Wyoming mountain pass. Uhhhhhh, no dude.)

Cogs. No superstars. Oh sure, the past 20 years has brought more attention in moments to one vs. the other two, but to date, they’ve supported each other in either celebrating or helping through hard times. But we had to roll this way. I was a single Ma; had a stressful job; went to school; and had no time for diva’s. If I had kids behave the way I see so many now, demanding attention to parents who are speaking to others; screaming incoherently instead of talking with clear enunciation; telling adults “I WANT!” instead of ‘May I?’; OR throwing such ginormous temper tantrums in stores that parent’s just buy loads of shit to shut them up INSTEAD OF GRABBING HOLD OF LITTLE JOHNNY’S ARM AND LEAVING WITHOUT BUYING ANYTHING!!!! I can’t imagine the relationship I would have with not only my kids (who I would be completely ashamed of) but with those around me.

Raising individual prince and princess’ do them no good mommies and daddies. Showing them that your world, your mission to life is to serve them will most likely make them believe that ALL people were placed on this earth to serve them. Don’t do that. You hurt them. You stunt their ability to recognize needs in others. You raise up high maintenance, self absorbed maniacs who have never heard the words, “You can’t do that now, we have to give ‘anyone else’s name’ attention now.” You give them chores and say good job when they’re done. No, they don’t need a reward. They did what they were supposed to. JHMFC, it’s almost has if kids are being raised with tip jars belted to their pants where they expect additional money or candy or whatever just for doing what they’re supposed to do. Instill a love for a job well done…and then watch them come up and ask if anything else needs to be done. You say yes, you need to go play outside and have fun. There little dude, there’s your reward.

You cannot help people permanently by doing for them, what they could and should do for themselves.

Abraham Lincoln

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Monday Bacon: The Greatest

Posted on November 11, 2013 by tosabarbell

I heard (or rather read) a story the other day from a friend of mine making one of her weekly treks to JoAnn Fabrics last weekend. It seems they were giving veterans a 10% discount on purchases in honor of Veterans day. A man and his wife stepped up to the cashier, he wearing his Vietnam Veteran cap and hands the silly, 50 something year old woman some papers my friend couldn’t see. She then informed the man that he actually needed to provide his discharge papers in order to receive the discount.

Ahhhhhhh…huh?

Soooo, let me get my head around this. Some woman in her (at least late 40’s or) 50’s, who SHOULD be old enough to understand the time frame of the Vietnam war demanded DISCHARGE papers in order to avoid giving a dollar back to the couple for their purchases? A dollar? A dollar. Huh? Hey JoAnn Fabrics? Fok off.

While an employee in his 20’s ran up and saved the day and allowed the discount, clearly there was some sort of training issue where this woman believed she could harass a veteran in efforts to guard JoAnn Fabrics treasures in the form of a dollar. Fuktard.

And so it goes for our Greatest. Small, seemingly inconsequential digs like silly cashiers. And not so silly digs like the very Government our Greatest served taking the time and effort of putting up barriers and cheap police tape to keep them out of their own Memorial. Yes, this still pisses me off. No, I haven’t forgotten just because someone later was able to talk the white house into not doing this (duh.) It was nasty, and shitty, but most of all…you disrespected our Greatest. Of the 400 million Government offices that could have been closed down and actually stay closed, you shut out the good people who’ve served and are barely able to make it to Washington. Hey Washington? You suck.

There are many reasons these days why people sign up to serve in the military. Patriotism, career opportunities, family history, or just trying to stay off of a troubled path that the structure of the military can provide. We’re thankful for all of you. We hope you are on the receiving end of respect and gratitude from those around you. We are thankful for the loyal families who allow you to serve stress free as they keep your homes running like a finely tuned machine in your absence.

We wish you peace as you come home to deal with the experience of war. I’d advise staying away from Milwaukee JoAnn Fabric stores.  Just sayin’.

I think of many I know and love who have served or are serving in various areas of the military. Of course my pilots,  especially Howie in Afghanistan; Dobbs in Korea. Many veterans in the throwing and strength world, including PJ’s (who I’ve been told by certain female fighter pilots are the only acceptable badass kind of man for them;) But my Greatest? My uncle Dennis, a Vietnam Veteran who came home to an America that was pissed at HIM for serving and came out on the other side with strength, valor, and the adoration of his family. He’s my hero.

My Uncle and Auntie wrapped up a recent Scotland trip with a stop in France with friends and visited the Normandy Cemetery and Memorial. Over 9000 Greatest are laid to rest here and over 1500 missing are remembered.

That picture represents a small portion of veterans of our wars who have never made it home; whose remains are long gone and unaccounted for; whose family trees have stopped sprouting and are no longer around to remember…this is your day.

Thank you.

Loyalty to country ALWAYS. Loyalty to government, when it deserves it.

Mark Twain

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Friday Jams

Posted on November 8, 2013 by tosabarbell

I was running errands yesterday, enjoying the beautiful fall day, the sun shining off Lake Michigan, just off in my own little world. Since I was in the Bayview neck of the woods, I was thinking of stopping at Sven’s for some coffee beans…ya know, important stuff. I suddenly started paying attention to the annoying shite coming out of the radio and looked at the read out, “Miley Cyrus.” Yes, that crap pulled me out of my peaceful interlude and put an annoyance in my head before I even realized it. What shit.

So I switched stations and found this, Alicia Keys: Superwoman. Ahhhhhhhhh, cleanse. Music. Singing. Piano. Notes that come together to bring joy. Music. Faith in a dying music industry restored. Thank you Alicia Keys.

Enjoy the weekend.

And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music.

Friedrich Nietzsche

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Not Bullying. Shut Up!

Posted on November 7, 2013 by tosabarbell

When I was in 7th grade, there was a girl I hated. Her name was Anne. She was loud, silly, would never shut up. She flirted with the boys as loudly as possible and bragged about every boy who liked her. Well, I’d had enough. So in the spring, my BFF (she still is) and I paid two dollars and twelve cents (all we could muster up from the couch cushions) to the most popular boy in our class to “go with her” for two days and then break up with her publicly. Yup, we did that.

Yup, I enjoyed it. Do I feel bad now? Of course I do, what a horrible thing to do, even to a silly girl. If I could just see her once to apologize I would, I hope she would forgive me. Or not. Still don’t care. It was funny as hell.

In that moment I was a mean girl. It didn’t happen often. I’d far rather go head to head and hand to hand combat with the stupid girl but I’d already been warned that wasn’t cool. But I will admit, it was mean. She eventually found out and yes, said she wanted to go hand to hand and I said awesome, it’s what I’d already wanted. So she backed down. But we were never friendly after that.

I was mean. But I wasn’t a bully. The ‘B’ word is thrown around so much these days it’s boring.

See, kids are mean. All of them. Think your precious princess isn’t? Forget it, she is or has been. But a bully? Most likely not. There is a key ingredient to bullies, they (or you) believe they hold power. Bullies take power that doesn’t exist, scared kids or adults give it to them. Will we EVER stop bullies? Nope.

Never. Stop with the stupid campaigns. They haven’t worked. Kids are still mean. Adults are still mean. They spread lies, they talk behind your back, at times they take to the internet, it’s called harassment at best. But still not bullying. Texts or voicemails to a teammate? Harassment, not bullying. Send threats over the wire? Well, you’re in a bit more trouble according to the Feds. But NOT for BULLYING. SHUT UP!

Yesterday, a lifting pal and all around great guy, Eric,  posted the following picture we all took last winter at his fundraiser for Relentless 2013 meet to support Hopekids…

Eric captioned the picture with: ‘Is someone bullying you? We can  help.’ I lol’d. It’s the perfect anti-bullying poster (before you ask, Heath is holding the mini Hulk we gave him for a prize.) But it still won’t stop kids being mean to each other. It still won’t stop adults from being mean to each other or even taking it to the next level and harassing each other. Cuz people suck.

One of my lifting friends said she enjoyed the picture and is very concerned that at some point, her daughters will be victims of bullying. Well, are they in school? Then they probably have already had to deal with some mean girl crap. But victims? There’s another word thrown around a bit too much these days. No, they’re not victims. They got teased, they’ll most likely get over it if you are able to present them with areas of showing strengths (athletics, drama, math club…geeks make the dough later, tell ’em that.)

The Oz man has taken his share of taunts. He’s come home a couple of times in the last few years very upset that kids tease him for wearing BDU’s and Camo all the time. My response? “Look dude, you decide to wear Camo and BDU’s. Own it. If you don’t like getting teased, wear the status quo clothes. Your choice. But if you’re going to be different, own it and deal with it.” He choose to stick with the Camo and BDU’s. And he didn’t complain again. And now he towers over everyone in his class…and the 8th grade class for the most part so folks leave him alone.

Now, I understand that some harassment gets so out of control that children have felt there was no way out. That is beyond tragic and the people that put them through hell hopefully have their own waiting for them. But is it bullying? Did these kids hold power over the girl or boy who felt that life was over, and made it so? Possibly, only those close to the situations know. But not always.

And finally, to the over talked about situation within the NFL. Shut up. You got a voicemail that a white redneck was going to rape your mother? You play it in the locker room for all to hear; get in the face of this asshole and tell him if he ever leaves something like this again on your phone, you will enlist five former friends who’ve enjoyed the anal in prison and send them to pay big white boy a visit. And then you kick his ass, ya know, to the point of teammates pulling you off each other. Or you go home.

Which by the way, he did. When asked if his son is coming back to the NFL, Mr. Martin said with a smile, “my son if fine. He’s good.”  He is? Then get back to work. Duh. I will say it is a shame that this man was harassed to the point that he felt the need to leave his job. But bullied? No. Shut up!

Don’t condemn me to the prison of your bullshit.

Steve Maraboli

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