A fun pre-bedtime story for us at times is House Hunters International. We get to see and learn about lands far away (that Bigg actually HASN’T been to yet) and then make fun of the people who are uber picky about it’s homes for sale (fucking Americans.)
Easter Island is 14 miles wide by 7 miles long. Soooooo, a road trip is like going from our house to Lake Michigan. Only natives may own land (which makes for a boring episode of House Hunters) and there are nearly 900 (I think I heard 887) of the statues around the Island. Which means you pretty much have a view of a statue no matter where you live. And as for the living conditions? Uhhhhh, scarce. You could have a modern home or a hut with no water or electricity. Land is passed down from family member to family member and it is completely common for folks to never leave the Island. To never know a world beyond it’s beaches.
Ummmmmm, no thanks. It’s like when folks hear I was born on Maui. ‘Oh my gawddddd, don’t you wish you lived there instead?” Well no, of course not. If I wanted to live there I would. Duh. I kinda like packing up the family Tahoe and road tripping from Minnesooooota to Seattle with a backseat full of kids. A four hour road trip around an Island? No. That’s not a road trip. That’s a battle with the foking tourists who are not watching the road AND believing they are entitled to act like adorable assholes and just stop in the road to take a picture of a waterfall. . Haoles.
Another version of Easter Island syndrome is right here in good ‘ol Milwaukee. No where else have I lived where folks are so completely insular. The drivers? They actually believe this is THEIR road. So if merging is necessary, it becomes a fight to the death (literally at times) to ensure that they do NOT let anyone merge into traffic. Of course these silly people aren’t developed enough to understand that had they just let folks in one at a time, traffic would flow much smoother. No. This is a question of honor. To let someone merge is a show of weakness. THIS IS WHERE WE HOLD THEM! THIS IS WHERE WE FIGHT! Seems to be the common mantra on the local roads. Fok.
Another awesome characteristic of the Milwaukee silly person whose life has revolved around a 5.2 square mile circumference is that these folks know all the answers to the Universe. No, foShizzle. Just ask ’em. In fact, you won’t have to. Cuz even though they have never ventured off the exact same path to the exact same grocery store for the last 20 years, they’ll let you know how others in the world (the world being at least 5 miles outside of Milwaukee) live. Uh huh.
And gods forbid you bring the real world into their lives. Like, if you need help with something but it’s unpleasant and doesn’t reek of Unicorns and Cotton Candy? Forget it. Real life is not something this little sector of Cheeseheads like to deal with. If we could just ignore each other until the crisis has passed that’d be great kthxbye.
At the end of the day, there are two realities (okay, more than that but stay focused.) A. We do not live on Easter Island. 2) We are not insular.
We live in the world. We are the world (I feel like if I made a song with that lyric it’d be really huge. Like, if I got really hyooge stars to sing it it’d be a video that was played at Christmas time each year or something like that. I dunno, it’s just a feeling.) But what I mean by that is that we are what we put into it. If we joke with our neighbors (like when they are walking over to say hey and I’m in the middle of a really good rant using the F word and they laugh) and we know we have each others backs; that’s good. Or when a friend calls and says they need “X” right now you drop everything and jump in the car to get to them with wine as soon as possible. Ya know, the world. Or when someone presents a situation they are going through that is even a little bit inconvenient for us, we leap in feet first to help cuz that’s what people do.
But if you choose to live on your own little Easter Island, don’t be shocked when folks don’t want to join you. Cuz the bulk of us live in the rest of the world. The one with people; and problems; and needs; and wants; and taxi’s; and stupid training videos; and Monty Python (thank gawds.)
Our prime purpose in life is to help others. And if you can’t help them, at least don’t hurt them.