This was my first Instagram picture. Taken nearly four years ago, deep in the heart of Bears section, on a beautiful November day. The Bears/Vikings Soldier Field game is tradition for Matt and I. His dad has been a season ticket holder forever (literally) and his dad before that. We sit with the “Barry Boys” and their wives/sisters/friends/family/whoever they decide to bring and will give a collective groan when I walk up with my Vikings jersey. Whenever the Bears score, a bottle of something alcohol is passed down the row and whenever the Vikings score (which is almost ALWAYS immediately set up on a defensive play) I drink from my flask. Sooooo, ya. I think at the last game, I was grabbed by a “Barry Boy” and forced to drunk dance when the Bears scored at the end of the game guaranteeing the win. Matt thought that was pretty funny.
Last year, for the first time since I moved here, the weather was supposed to be sunny and 60’s and there was a strong chance that the Vikings would win (they did.) But I had a weightlifting meet 5 days later and knew that being gone all day; eating like crap; drinking, and walking four miles meant that my training would be bad on Monday and that would affect my meet week schedule. So I passed. Matt and our pretend Vegan friend went and had a blast. (We used to hang out with pretend Vegans who would claim to be Vegan and then come over and eat 15 pounds of meat as a family. The parents eat meat all the time but have talked their kids into the idea that they are Vegan so they are all malnourished and whiny. Except when they’d come here and the mom would act astounded when their malnourished youngest daughter would eat three whole smoked chicken drumsticks. See mom, she’s not a special snowflake because she’s tiny, she’s fucking hungry. Feed her a chicken hindquarter for breakfast, lunch, and dinner and see how she’ll grow. Duh. Same daughter has ended up in the Urgent Care from “stomach pains” where the doctor suggested that maybe she’s hungry. Doctor was right. They are actually really nice people and he’s very cool, but the whole food bullshit took it’s toll on the friendship and I.Just.Can’t.) OH! btw, it’s not a Vegan thang. I have a friend who is a real Vegan; has published cookbooks and posts the most amazing pictures on her IG feed that even I am tempted to try some of the dishes. She’s also mom to one of my Dazzle’s puppies so she’s most special, Vegan or not.
Instagram. Suddenly, we could all take pictures and put a “filter” on it to make it look like we knew what we were doing. Cool! I wanted to look back and tally my IG pictures in categories, fuggitaboutit. I have a gazillion pictures and videos. However, if I were to do a guesstimate I would say I have about 100,000 pictures of food and booze; 1,000,000 pictures of my dogs and kids (yes, in that order); a billion pictures of gym time/training/throwing, and a handful of selfies of me and Matt.
For the most part, I really enjoy Instagram. A picture or quick video from places around the world that I’d never even heard of. The stories of remote villages deep in Africa; the homeless around America; Panda bear antics from around the world, and training videos. IMO, the gold of Instagram are those videos. Sure, there is a lot of bullshit out there but there is also a lot of good. Multiple weightlifting videos that will be slowed down to get a view of positions and even more so for throwing. See, when people say something like, ‘lead with your hips’ I have no idea what that means. I believe it’s something that is so ingrained into a thrower that it’s baffling to them that I don’t understand what that means or at the very least, an understanding alone isn’t making it happen.
But I can see it. I can look at these collegiate and top throwers in slow motion and say, “ahhhHAAAAAAA! THAT’S what it looks like.” Okay, now I can break shit down and practice that. Cool.
There are a multitude of both throwing and weightlifting IG’s to follow and I follow most. I can edit later which is helpful but you never know where the next “AhHa” moment is going to come from. There are many Highland Games throwers that are so smooth transitioning from position to position that I can’t see where shit is happening. Those are the best of the best and I just watch those to be amazed.
The antics of IG is tons of fun too. Prom pictures (if you know what these are, then you know); how people spend their times in airports (bevvies *LIV* are usually involved, at least for Highland Gamers); baby goats (srsly), and strongbellied men deadlifting in ranger panties (moar plz) and it’s easy to understand how suddenly 15 minutes of life is lost.
I’m a huge lover of the food on Instagram. I’ve ordered meat rubs that I’ve seen on IG; I’ve bought wine that I saw others drinking and know our tastes are similar and have loved it, and I’ve tried recipes that are shared. While I’m not a huge brand follower, I have ordered a t-shirt that was used as a fundraiser by hviii brand goods that I saw on IG. I’ve been able to see what friends I’ve lost contact with are doing in the gym and that’s fun. I love to see that they’re still at it! I can see others from my past that are still lying to themselves and others on IG in various ways and can remain thankful that they are no longer in my life.
In short, yeah IG.
However, and I have no idea how long it took for this to happen, the amount of skank pictures and videos on the IG is astounding. Literally, astounding. I block at least two skanks a day, mostly I believe because my ID or whatever the fuck you call it is ‘tosabarbell’ and the word “barbell” alerts the skanks to let me know they’re there in case I’m looking for a date. Those are the obvious skanks. Then there are the second tier skanks, the sports bra/see through leggings squatting on the Smith Press 25# with the camera right behind the crack of their ass while they are shoving said ass right at your view. I’ll come back to those in a minute.
There are the skank selfies trying to sell the package of, “Oh I hardly ever do this but just want to document how far I’ve come. See? Before I weighed 150 pounds and wore clothes but now I weigh 120 pounds; got a new pair of bolt-on’s, and am barely dressed. Aren’t I awesome?” Those are about 4 million a day. Fok. Off. Your blatant attempt to get dates bores me. It’s called Match.com and it’s usually free I think. Get on it. In fact, I’ll often comment, “Wow, I hope this picture gets you lots of dates this weekend.” Then I move on.
What annoys me most today, is when the second tier skanks invade the throwing posts and suddenly it shows up on my feed. It happened the other day where some little girl with a big ass in see-through leggings was shoving her ass back at me on my phone when I thought I was following a throwing account. My comment was, “annnnnnd, unfollowed.” I bet it really hurt their feelings. Bwahahaaaa! Not really. I’m sure they don’t miss me and there’s plenty of men thinking they’ll get to date her if they tell her how nice her ass is. What that has to do with throwing I have no idea.
And I think that’s the crux of the annoyance for me. Declare or shut the fuck up (Swearengen.) Are you a “food” or a “throwing” or a “drinks” or a “highland games” or an “all of the above?” Or are you skanks? Just own what you’re doing. Hello, my name is skank and I’m a skank, please to enjoy my videos. But please keep your skank off my feeds, cuz I’m not trolling for dates or if I am, I go to the “husband” contact on my phone and start there (I have no idea what his phone number is other than ‘husband.’ Not so useful when my phone dies but I like to live on the edge.)
The famous Cocksuckers brigade…command of the all whore detachment.