Please Know…

Dear all potential strength trainees:

Thank you for showing an interest in strength training. Thank you for giving a thought to getting off the gerbil wheel of exercise and doing something different. Something that will make a difference in how you feel; how you look; and the confidence in which you walk through life. Being interested in starting a strength program is good. Very good. However…

…please know,

 from the start this won’t be easy. There will be no instant gratification most people seek when working out on a day by day basis. There will be no pump. For most of the beginning sessions, you will be frustrated that you can’t learn the squat as easily as you can master the Lat Pull down mechanism you’re used to. There is no treadmill, there is no elliptical, there is only a prowler. And it hates you. Also…

…please know,

the coach you’ve hired to teach you knows what they’re doing. Cuz you hired them. So when you want to argue what is happening on a lift you’ve just started and have no accurate perception as to what is happening behind you, a good coach will want to beat you down. But won’t.  A bad coach will. In addition….

…please know,

this is hard work. Harder than you’ve imagined. The bar doesn’t back off when you’re not “feeling it.” It doesn’t care. You will make slow and steady progress and it will take patience. Your coach isn’t here to blow fake science sunshine up your arse, we’re here to ensure you do this right. We won’t use trendy slang, we’ll tell you to get your knees out and if you don’t we’ll tell you again. If you’re not willing to work hard in and out of the gym, HARD, like how hard you great-grandparents worked to survive when they arrived in this country, don’t call me. We’re not for each other.  You’ll experience failure in this endeavor, if that scares you then move on. Strong people aren’t afraid of failing, cuz we all have at some point in time and we’re okay. See? Okay…

…please know,

you’re not fat and out of shape because of an occasional snicker bar. I know it, you know it. On the flip side, understand that I know you’re 20 pounds underweight, hooked on the idea of soy, and leaving yourself open to injury and disease because you have a redunkulous ideal in your head as to what is sexy to the modern day media.  If you don’t want to change your diet, don’t call me. You don’t need me. I first heard it from Jim Wendler (so I’ll give him the credit) “You can’t out train a shitty diet.” I don’t expect you to go Atkins on your first session, in fact I don’t recommend it at all. On the flip side I don’t expect you to instantly gain 30 pounds. But being strong and useful is your goal, so changes will be made.   Lastly…

…please know,

the first time you grind out a heavy lift will cause a desire to storm castles. As you become stronger and feeling better with a healthier diet, you’ll walk straighter…perhaps even saunter a bit. You’ll become aware of the awful mis-conception of what healthy is in this country and soon beg and plead for loved ones to pick up a barbell. If they’re lucky.

So now you know. Are you up for it?

I would hope that understanding and reconciliation are not limited to the 19th hole alone.

Gerald R. Ford

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Monday Bacon: Weather or Not…

…here it comes!

I remember when I used to get annoyed at the weather. Plan a family picnic? Rain. Easter Egg hunt? Snow. White Christmas? Brown grass. Want a brown grass Christmas due to traveling? Snow storm. I guess at some point in time, it finally clicked. I have no control over the weather and need to adjust accordingly.

Two years ago in Texas tested this weather zen. It was 100 degrees by March 31st and never really cooled off until October. I was renting a home with a pre-historic cooling system that shut off ONLY when it finally broke down and didn’t get action from the landlord for a week. Crabby doesn’t even begin to cover my mood. ADD in the fact that my Bigg guy would visit and bring an extra 30 degrees of heat on his own. I would jump in my car and go for a drive just to be able to have the air conditioning on full blast and HOPE to cool off slightly before going back to the heat. It was rough.

But I made it. Of course. It was a pretty good indicator that Texas wasn’t for me. I’m an up north girl. So up north I are. But it’s the back half of April and still snowing. We’ve been getting an hour here and there with beautiful glimpses of spring sun and warmth but it’s quickly covered back up by clouds, wind, rain, and cold.  Meh.

This spring is testing even the hardiest northerners. My college student had a snow day on Thursday due to a 7-9″ snow dump in her little cornfield town. This girl; who loves winter; who loves the cold; who is one of the last one’s off the outdoor rink each winter, had this to say about the recent snow fall, “This sucks.” Heh.

But soon it will warm up (probably) and we’ll forget all about the late snows and wet days (I hope.) And that’s why I don’t sweat the weather, cuz unless it’s a horrible disaster (flooding on it’s way to Grand Forks again, they have something to be upset about) we’ll be okay. So keep the heavy coats out an extra week or so; have an Irish Coffee; and chill. Heh, get it? Chill?

Ahhh, earth day, the only day of the year where being able to hackey sack will get you laid.

Jon Stewart

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Friday Jams

The first time I heard Egill Olaffson sing was on a video with various international voices of Valjean’s singing on a DVD of the Les Mis concert. I was struck by two things; 1. Even the Icelandic singers tower above others and B) his voice is as strong as he looks. So awesome.

That he sings a negro spiritual as if it were written for him shows his talent, his range, and his gifts. Awesome.

Enjoy the weekend.

Victory at all costs, victory in spite of all terror, victory however long and hard the road may be; for without victory, there is no survival. 

Winston Churchill

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What you ARE, not what you AREN’T!

Duh.

I’ve received my share of private messages and e-mails from friends and family asking how to drop weight. I ask what they’re eating and inevitably, I’ll get the sales pitch that they actually eat pretty good. Sure there’s the occasional cupcake here and there but they certainly don’t eat this…

…or this…

…or absolutely not this!

Ok, first off, remember that time I asked what you ARE eating? I don’t care about what you say you aren’t (even though I know you’re lying.) After telling them to eat normal for a week and log their food, they come back with a list of about 800 calories a day full of veggies, fruit, and salad and a perplexed look on their face as to why they dropped weight this week even though this is how they always eat. When I remind them to eat NORMALLY, ya know, how you usually eat without lying to me their face floods with relief that they don’t have to starve themselves another week.

The second week looks a little more normal (but I know you guys still aren’t telling me about the sweets) and is the most telling. You ARE eating too many carbs (oatmeal, an english muffin, and a banana is a useless breakfast. Stop that.) Your “breakfast” smoothie full of fruit and spinach (yuck) doesn’t sustain you until 3pm? I’m stunned.

If you want to tell me what you AREN’T eating, start with enough protein. Duh. Calories/Carbs/Sugar are sneaky little f*ckers. Pay attention. If you find yourself getting (or staying) fluffier than you should be, track it. Pay attention to what’s going in, not the stuff you’re consciously passing on.

Here’s a little blurb on why women shouldn’t run. It’s a simple read and says women shouldn’t run so I’m all for it. Heh.

Texas will again lift it’s head and stand among the nations. It ought to do so, for no country upon the globe can compare with it in natural advantages.

Sam Houston

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