Yo Dad, You Da Man.

Posted on April 12, 2016 by tosabarbell
dad

photo credit: Keith Bedford/Boston Globe

Meet Fred Vantour. Overnight shift custodian at Boston College. 62. Married. 5 kids. Fred has been working since he was 14 years old, cuz that’s what kids do. Or did.

In 1994 he started working as a cook at Boston College and eventually moved to the night shift to clean Robsham theater which gave him better pay and the ability to heal up his bad back and carpal tunnel that had developed while he was in the kitchen.

Oh. His overnight job also put his five kids through college. Five. Through college. While the kids had to do the work with their grades and sports in high school in order to be accepted into the school, the employee discount accounts for nearly $55,000 of the $61,000 price tag for BC. And this spring, his youngest daughter is graduating.

Yo Dad, you da man.

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photo credit: Keith Bedford/Boston Globe

However, this story isn’t about the dad; at least, not completely. It’s about the kids. Alicia, Amy, Michael, John, and Tom. Who watched their pop year after year go to work as they got ready for bed and STILL was plugged into sports, school, and whatever else needed attention (including I assume, his marriage since they are still married.) And they didn’t let it go to waste.

I like a story from this article  about how one son, Michael, went to see his dad with some friends after a party on campus. He wasn’t afraid to show his pals that his dad pushed a cleaning cart at night and even said, ‘this is why I can afford to go to this school.’ One of his friends got so verklempt that he hugged the elder Vantour. Pretty cute. (Papa Ventour also says that the kids would come see him at night with loads of dirty laundry to take home. Kids gotta be kids.)

I did not grow up with money. I remember clear as day, while in junior high school, when my dad received a raise that brought his yearly pastoral salary past $30,000 and it was a BIG deal! Which meant if I wanted “stuff” I bought it myself. At 10 years old I was babysitting and by the time I was 12 I was busy enough to have to turn my own mom down to watch my 6 year old sister. These days if you left a 12 year old home alone with your kids you’d be carted into CPS only AFTER being crucified on the Facebook. True story.

My parents worked hard. Long hours and if I wanted to be a complete brat I could complain that the people of the church always took priority for my dad over us. But I’m 49 and not a brat. I’m just really proud to have two incredibly hard working parents (workaholics actually, something that I did NOT inherit from them. I like my downtime. Netflix days are the bomb and I’m unapologetic about it.) They instilled in their kids that we need to work. And we did.

And then WE had kids. I remember one spring day as I was doing something around the house the phone rang. My then 14 year old son was on the other line and asked if I’d come down to the McDonald’s with his Social Security card and sign a piece of paper saying I agree to let him hold a job. My response? ‘Uhhhhh dude, I thought you were out riding your bike?’ Yup. He biked the two miles (CLEAR across town) to the Mickey D’s and got his first job. Of course I signed the paper. He was slated to turn 15 soon and was making his own money. (We won’t go into details on how HORRIBLE he was and is with his money, I need to bask in the past a bit.) All my kids work. Zandra will work herself to sick if allowed and even though she is going through a rough patch right now I’m hoping she’s willing to get on track when opportunity arises.

My nieces and nephews also work as they are able given their ages and I’m proud of all of them. There is nothing I abhor more than an ungrateful kid (or adult for that matter.) To lay on the couch while people around you are doing work didn’t happen in my house (or if it did, just WAIT until Dad got home and got wind of it.) We had chores. Our kids have chores (don’t care how old they are, if they’re at Mom’s house they’ll have chores.) If you think there’s nothing to do around the house other than what mom is doing is a lazy way of saying I don’t want to help make my environment better. It’s bullshit and I could never respect someone for going through life like that. Even worse is the parents who don’t want their kids working or even doing chores because THEY had to work hard and don’t want that for their children. What utter and complete failures.

But not the five kids of Fred Vantour.

It’s what I like best about the story of the overnight janitor. His children recognized the work; did what THEY needed to do, and are grateful. I guess you can’t ask for much more than that as a parent.

It is more fun to talk with someone who doesn’t use long, difficult words but rather short, easy words like, “what about lunch?”

A.A. Milne

 

 

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For The Record

Posted on April 9, 2016 by tosabarbell

ftr

Just to clarify some things for those that don’t know me very well.

First, my name is Juli Peterson and live in Wauwatosa, Wisconsin. My phone number is on the page info. If you have a question, text me (I hate talking on the phone mostly because I have a hard time hearing.) If you want to accuse me of anything, call me (I’ll talk to you live for that.) If you want to call me names, bring it. I may agree if it’s a cool enough name.

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Secondly, I fail. I fail during competition; I fail as a wife; as a mother, and overall just fail at being a good person at times. I also am wrong, sometimes. Heh. I have never claimed to be something I’m not. I also succeed, a lot. Because I work hard and try to be conscious of my behavior. But sometimes I fail. I’m cool with that. You don’t have to accuse me of being a failure, I’m not one. But yes, I do fail in various attempts to be better.

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I’m older and fatter than yesterday (actually I’ve dropped a few L.B.’s from being sick but overall, yup.) You don’t have to call me old or fat and think you’re dropping some type of knowledge bomb, I have mirrors and am able to count birthdays. I’m 49 and weighed in last week at my weightlifting meet at 103.2 (the scale would jump from 103 to 103.2 to 103.7 so I tried to stand where it said 103. I gotta be me.) There, now we all know. Isn’t it nice that I show up on competition day to get weighed and then to perform on a platform in front of people and my weight is public knowledge? (I try to lie “up” on my drivers license saying I weigh 275 but they won’t let me. So I lie “down” to 200. I think that’s BS but whatev.)

Anyways.

Also, as one fellow thrower learned yesterday, I don’t hide nor do I shy away from confrontation. I don’t like it, I know that will surprise some folks cuz I’m kinda feisty, but I don’t like confrontation. I would much rather have a civil discussion and if I’m wrong or abrupt I can apologize in person. But when someone goes to the trouble of friend requesting me on FB after (IMO) a little temper tantrum on another Forum, I thought to myself, hmmmm, why would he do this? But then I looked at pictures of his kids and thought, “hey, someone with kids this cute can’t be all bad” and I accepted the request.

This is where I need to remember to screen shot my computer. Because the new FB friend zone was initiated to call me out on being an internet warrior; hiding behind the internet (uhhhh, my log in name on the forum is Juli Peterson. I guess I could give my blood type but in absence of that I don’t know how to be more clear on who I am), and that my post was “self-serving.” Well dang, that seems like a rough start to a friendship but okay. We all get to have opinions.

 

So I shared mine on the thread. A) I don’t hide. I’m right here. B) It was a good discussion on the throwing forum that stayed professional and respectful until, IMO, YOU showed up and got upset about something that had nothing to do with the post. C) Calling ME out on the internet on a completely different public forum just so your buddies could agree with you is a bit ironic but ya, it worked. All your buddies agreed with you. You da man. Congrats. I also gave my phone number and said to call to discuss further and we can cut out that pesky, public internet middleman.

Well, I didn’t get a call. I DID get unfriended and, I’m only assuming, my post was removed.

And in my view (my blog, my opinion) this “fellow thrower” will always be a pussy. Uhhh, when calling out someone for hiding behind their computer and then they show up and say, “hey dude, I’m right here let’s chat” and then you remove their ability to keep chatting: you’re a pussy. You know it. I know it. Your little buddies may not know it but who cares, you’re the one who looks in the mirror and deep down know you’re a pussy. I’ll be meeting you again on the field. That smirk I’m wearing, you now know where it’s coming from.

Oh, lastly a “for the record” about me: I’m not afraid to call you a pussy on the internet. I showed up. I didn’t hide. You did.

’nuff said.

My life is my message.

Gandhi

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People Are Cool

Posted on February 24, 2016 by tosabarbell

A couple of months ago, I wrote about Matt’s and my experience at our favorite restaurant, Ardent. While the food is inventive and delicious (inventive, like that one???) what I enjoy the most about going there is watching the experts create these amazing dishes. This is their thing, they not only love what they’re doing but they are made for it. Every time we leave I think to myself,

people are cool.

I thought about this again a few weeks ago when I saw a video of a man who’s gift is developing film that no one wants to touch. Damaged through time or circumstances, this man has the skills and patience to develop them. The video shows how he developed 31 rolls of film from a WWII soldier from the late 40’s. He works through water damage and rust and uses modern technology to bring this soldier’s memories to life. It’s amazing. All I could think of was the skills it takes to do such a thing. He seems like a younger man yet does something that is SO COOL!

And then I saw this…

This is a video of Associate Director Carrie Havel directing the cameras for a television live performance of ‘Grease.’ I didn’t watch the live show, if I never see Grease again I’d be okay with it. But I saw this the next day and again, thought of how cool people are. I like how her head is bobbing throughout the song too, plus she actually has a nice voice so her keeping melody throughout was pretty fun.

There are so many things I’ve wanted to do in my life that I have absolutely no talent to pull off. I’ve always wanted to sing like Ruthie Henshall. I’ve wanted to be a ballerina that could put emotion into movement like this:

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I took dance for years and even got up on my toes for a couple of those but I was already too big, much too bulky. I wanted to race down ski hills like Picabo Street; fly above the ground like Florence Griffith Joyner…

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…I’ve wanted to cook like Julia Child; keep a house clean like my old neighbor Cindi (she said she cleaned four hours a day. I’d take an hour a day but I’m still a work in progress on that one.)

Now, this is not a “whaaaaaa I’m not good enough” post. I do fine. I work hard at what I can to improve and am everlastingly (totally a word) thankful for the ability to put demands on my body and have it say, ‘okay Jules, we got this.’ 

But I love to admire the gifts of others and believe I can wish a little bit without demeaning my own talents. People are cool and that cesspool of a Facebook is even a little useful bringing these gifts to light. I wish we had a website named, COOL SHIT PEOPLE DO and avoid the other crap that’s on the FB.

This stuff, this stuff is cool…

If you set goals and go after them with all the determination you can muster, your gifts will take you places that will amaze you.

Les Brown

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Big Phat Pharm Phuks

Posted on February 3, 2016 by tosabarbell

pharm

Matt and I watched Chris Bell’s new movie Prescription Thugs last night. I have been looking forward to watching this for quite some time. Bell’s follow up to Bigger, Faster, Stronger wasn’t as in depth as his first movie, but it was far more personal. Tragic even.

In general, I’ve had a very dim view of the pharmaceutical industry my whole life. I’ve watched people close to me enjoy their gallon sized baggies full of prescription drugs far too long. It’s bullshit. When we value the pills we take far more than how we actually feel, we’re fucked. When doctors appointments fill our schedules instead of water aerobics and Zumba, we’re fucked.

Totally and completely fucked. But that’s current America. Health has not been valued for quite some time. I have removed people from my life who do not value their health. I just can’t even. For me, health is everything. EVERYTHING. Above love; relationships; success in various aspects of life, everything. My husband knows this and guess what, he’s okay with coming in second place to my health. Because when I’m not healthy, we’re not healthy. Duh.

I despise being sick. Last fall, at the wrap up of the Highland Games season while I was training for my weightlifting meet, I had put in some tall-snatch work into my program. I love those. However, having those reps crashing back down on my back without being adapted to the exercise destroyed me. Utterly destroyed me. I lost weeks of training. My body reacted as if I’d been in a car wreck. I instantly began fighting little sniffle’s that turned into an all out cold (I can’t even remember the last time I had cold/flu symptoms;) I had major inflammation, and overall I was a complete mess. Not to mention the fact that I was freaked out about the looming competition. It was horrible. I abhor not feeling strong and healthy, I will not trade it for anything. Ever.

Lucky for me I put my trust in Mike Westerling for coaching and programming and the results are: lifts are better; throwing is better; food is better and I’m feeling awesome. Now, sure, tragedy can strike at any moment. But everything that IS in my control is as good as I need it to be and even about 90% as good as I WANT it to be. (Wine. I haz it.)

I see people around me looking for quick fixes. Constantly looking for short-cuts to feeling and looking better. Wraps; detoxes; special diets; weight watchers, you name the snake oil, it’s out there. And that doesn’t even touch the Planet Fitness’ of the world and their “trainers.” Want to target abs for fat loss? Pay the WAC trainer and he’ll do it for you even if “target” loss is bullshit. Of course he weighs 145 pounds and even then doesn’t have abz but will take your money and when you fail to achieve your unrealistic goals, he’ll blame you. (I once watched a woman at an Experience Fitness work with a personal trainer. He had her side stepping across the floor for 10 minutes, cheering her on. She huffed and puffed as if she were on her 21st rep squat. That’s what $85 an hour will buy you folks. Walking across the floor.)

Then there’s the food. You know who I enjoy eating with? Throwers and Strongman. Why? Because they eat. They understand food’s role in their lives and use it to their advantage. You know who I hate eating with? Everyone else. There is a lovely couple here in town whom I adore. They are interesting and have diverse backgrounds and are so nice to be around. But they are both incredibly obese and have no desire to fix that situation. They once complained on the FB about an eatery near us and how a subtle flavor of their food was off. My thoughts? Dudes, you haven’t tasted food in years. You want salt and sugar and if there’s not enough on every bite of your food,  you complain. Srsly. I have compassion for those with eating disorders and am always willing to find help for those with severe, life threatening situations. But using food to be an attention whore, passing on this trait to your children all in the name of your crazy? Ummmm, no. Bye Felicia.

However, the $64 Billion diet industry and the gazillion billion spent on the fitness industry (did you know the average celebrity makes $33,300 per pound lost for weight loss endorsement. The average. I’m guessing those Oprah bullshit commercials-no you can’t eat bread fatty-are a bit more. She’s lost 26 pounds so far. Say, $50k a pound, so she’s making millions off those commercials. Thanks phatties) doesn’t even come CLOSE to the pharmaceutical industry.

A trillion dollars. They own Washington. They own Health Care. They own America. They are the absolute scum of the filth that has sat in a Pleasanton port-o-potty overnight. A dear friend of ours has said that she may switch careers and is looking at pharm sales and while I want her to be happy and successful, this makes me sad because then we can’t be friends. U Penn strength & conditioning coach Jim Steele asked me about the movie and here was my response:

A) I’m extremely thankful for good health and B) if one chooses to be unhealthy, the medical profession and the pharm industry is there to help.

In a nutshell. The pharm industry’s job is to ensure that you stay sick. The kick backs they give medical professionals are there to ensure that drug pushing is always the priority of every doctor’s visit. Hashtagtruestory.

Big phat pharm phucks. Medical professionals who no longer wish to cure, but treat. Phuk off.

The movie is worth your time. Again, it’s personal. If you didn’t already fall in love with the Bell family in Bigger, Faster, Stronger you will here. They’re honest (eventually) and vulnerable and wear their battle weary hearts on their sleeves. They are survivors telling the stories of so many who didn’t make it.

The healthy do not need prescriptions. Chew on that.

World War II vets didn’t use the term ‘adulting’ when they were in their 20’s and 30’s. They had already gone to war; were raising families, and didn’t even consider not working hard every day of their lives. Responsibility didn’t scare them into their mothers tit, they had already seen their best friends blown apart. They ‘adulted’ at 17.

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