There are a few lessons we can take away from the split of The Captain (did you know his last name is Dragon?) and Tennille.

The obvious: Love doesn’t necessarily keep us together. We know this by now. It is an unrealistic romantic notion that has no business to be expected in life. If you truly believe, in this day and age, that love alone will keep your relationship alive (please tell me you’re out of the 3rd month) you won’t make it. Love is a feeling. So is anger; hatred; joy; defined as: ‘an emotional state or reaction.’ Uh oh, a “state” or “reaction” is constantly changing. Can your relationship keep up? That’s not going to depend on love darling, it’ll depend on commitment.

Now there’s a whole bunch of commit phobes out there. I know, I was President of the club. Couple that with Bigg’s “all you need is love” fairy tale expectations where follow up isn’t required and it’s no wonder two worlds collided and almost crashed and burned. We had to both grow up and get real. It worked, but we almost let it go and that’s scary. You need commitment, to stay even when it sucks. Cuz guess what YO!? It’ll suck at some point. You need respect. You need to be present in your relationship. You need to apologize for taking it for granted because chances are,  you’ll take it for granted at some point. You need to share something, anything. A passion, a hobby, a conversation, a toothbrush (not really, that’s gross.) Share. Keeping your partner out will destroy. If you don’t know how to share, go get help. It’s out there. Those of you who think counselors are a waste of time don’t want to see deeper in yourself. Your choice, but to take down a relationship with the ship is a waste. A shame and a waste.

Another lesson is to remember that what you see is not always what is going on. Even the Captain was taken by surprise when Tennille filed for divorce. What? Uhhhhh, you’ve been there right? Have you been present in the relationship? It’s easy to go on standard mode, schedules are fixed, work is a priority, assuming your partner will always be there is a mistake. Look, if you no longer want to invest the time into your partner, believe me, they’ll find someone who will. And you don’t get to act hurt when it happens. Well, you can act betrayed, but not hurt. This was built, by both of you. Someone didn’t say (or yell) ‘Hey! I NEED. Something different than what I’m getting.’ And the other one said, “____.” Ouch.  Open up. Listen. Adjust. Relationships are fluid, move together.

Lastly, the good news. There are rumors out there that this particular divorce may be necessary for The Captain to obtain his own health insurance which has drained Tenille’s due to his Parkinson’s care. Hope. Each relationship carries it’s own box of hope. That doesn’t mean we sit back and hope it gets better, it means we turn hope into a verb. Make it so. Nothing happens if you don’t make it so.

Onto the music, Do that to me one more time, Captain & Tennille.

Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none.

William Shakespeare 

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