I am a notoriously bad sleeper. I’ve mentioned it once or a thousand times before. Usually I get to blame it on the hubby’s snoring but he’s some 7,916 miles away right meow so I guess this is on me. Bummer.

The other night was particularly rough. A 1:25am wake up call instead of the usual 3:30am. That’s two hours less sleep than the usual crappy five hours of sleep. What to do, what to do. The first thing I do is re-run the movie that’s in the player that put me to sleep in the first place. Currently, it’s a disc from the first season of Deadwood. Yup. Guns; horses; and the soothing sounds of Swearengen’s “cocksucker” every four lines usually does the trick. Not this time. Nuts. Time for another episode. That didn’t work either so I just turned it off and tried the tv. Yes, I’ve read where we’re not supposed to turn on the television. We’re just supposed to lay still and go to a happy place. Hey, ya know what my happy place is? Sleeping. Ya know what happens when I’m not there? I get pissed and agitated and travel further and further away from my happy place.

So tv it is. At some point, around 3:30 I think I happened on some videos on the MtV. I didn’t know they ran videos anymore. It must be a middle of the night thing. The first video was Fatboy Slim, Weapon of Choice. Giddyup. Christopher Walken dancin’ the night away. Not a horrible way to spend some insomnia. Cool. Thought I’d stick around for a while.

The next video had a bunch of early 80’s style aerobic dressed exercisers coming into the gym with a skinny dude. Hokay, I’ll bite. Maybe this will be interesting. I’d never heard of the song (which I guess is 10 years old.) Typical.

Anyways. Remember those old aerobic class videos that came on around six in the morning before school? I’d come downstairs to shower and catch my brother watching them. Hilarious. I’d give him endless shit about it. So when it looked like someone made another unoriginal music video copying MtV nearly 30 years ago, I actually stopped to look. After all, there COULD be a new twist on it. Right?

Ya, not so much. The video was boring enough but the words to the song? Worse. So worse that I Googled that shit. Here they are:

Call on me, call on me
Call on me, call on me
Call on me, call on me
Call on me, call on me
Call on me, call on me
Call on me, call on me
Call on me
I’m the same boy I used to be

That’s it. Those words. Over. And over. And over. SRSLY. What in the ever living fok is going on with music? That this is 10 years old and music hasn’t improved since then made me even more agitated.

Annoyed, I surfed around to see what else I could find. And there it was, one of the best infomercials out there…

An entire hour (yes, I know this because at 5am I was still up) of clips from early days of the show. The Jackson 5. Earth, Wind, and Fire. Marvin Gaye. The list goes on and on. Now, I grew up with a choice of either American Bandstand or Soul Train. Sure, you could watch both but they ran close to each other on Saturday mornings so if I didn’t want to get up every few minutes (remotes? What are those?) I’d have to pick one. And it was Soul Train. Hands down.

The music was better. The dancers were better. And the costumes? SRSLY…

…if there is ONE white girl our there who saw Tina Turner rockin’ those thigh high boots and didn’t immediately want a pair I will denounce you as a liar and a liar. True story. She rocked the shit out of those boots. Still does actually. SRSLY. Lady Gaga has nothing on these 70’s performers. The more outrageous, the more they backed the look up with their music. Who can say that today? (Gawd, I feel very “get off my lawn” right now.)

So while I didn’t get any sleep. At least I was entertained. If you watch this, and aren’t, I don’t really need to know you.

You can’t start worrying about what’s going to happen. You get spastic enough worrying about what’s happening now.

Lauren Bacall

Training Log