So Long ’16

Posted on December 28, 2016 by tosabarbell
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If the remains of your beer tent stay doesn’t look like this, you’re doing it wrong. Victoria, Canadia…you were grand.

I keep hearing it; I keep reading it, and it still confuses me. Why all the 2016 hate?

I’ve talked to a few people and here’s the consensus:

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If this picture instills rage; hate; fear, or any other weird negative emotion, please tell me how your life has changed since Trump has won the Presidential election. Just one major, devastating way your life has been turned upside down just because Trump won the election. You can waste energy hating him, but he’s the President-elect non-the-less. Although I DO understand the disappointment since I’ve lived with it for the last 8 years, my life was what I made of it in spite of political turmoil caused by the current President and his regime. Being a poor “loser” is a fine way to go through life, you have lots of company on the Facebook. But geez, what a crappy way to spend your energy and your days. But that’s only my opinion. Had Clinton won, I would have been severely disappointed and feared even more for the state of America. I get it. But I love you anyway, even though I know for a fact that I have lost what I had considered “friends” over my support of Trump. That makes me “SMH” as the kids say. I have very dear friends or at the least, acquaintances I have a high amount of respect for that have extremely different political views that I do and I’m very thankful that we can remain friends in spite of it. I tip my hat to all of you who coexist, you are becoming a rarity.

 

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People have died in 2016. For some reason, we’re all taking it very personal that people we’ve never known but have appreciated their talents have died. I will be the first to admit, Prince’s sudden death gave me a twinge. Mostly, because I’m a Minneapolis girl and there were enough of times we’d be at First Avenue/7th Street Entry or Fine Line Cafe where there would be a murmur among the crowd that Prince may be in the building and he may jam a bit. I was lucky enough to have those rumors be true a couple of times and got to see and hear some of the most amazing music I’ve ever heard. Since I was 19, I’ve known the special musician he was. I’ve always been annoyed when people defined his music by “Little Red Corvette” which is actually a fine song, but his talent went to a genius level that Casey Kasem’s top 40 didn’t really cover on Sunday mornings. People die. Every year. Every day and oh by the way, if you live in Chicago your chances go up by about 1000%. I was far more affected by Dean Bennett’s death last January than Carrie Fisher’s today. You did’t know Dean Bennett? That’s okay, I don’t expect that you did. But you didn’t know Carrie Fisher either. Dean’s impacts and talents and caring touched so many and every time we have another run-in with Fucknutt Frances next door, the first person I want to tell is Dean. He always had funny suggestions on how to deal with F.F. and I miss them. But even I didn’t know Dean well enough to have his death affect my days. I can believe his son and his wife, going through their first Christmas without him, may be less affected by David Bowie’s death but I’m only guessing. Look, while giving props to people who’s talents have been enjoyed, please don’t take it as personal as you appear to do on the social media. You look like sheep in Chicken-little suits.

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Dean Bennett

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2016 was the year I set lofty goals in regards to competition; worked as best as I could with the Bigg help of my husband and Mike Westerling and the support of so many others, and Nike’d that shit. While I didn’t take gold in Germany, the entire trip was a spectacular success. And oh, hey? Silver doesn’t suck.

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The connections I’ve made through competition are priceless. Absolutely priceless. Both in throwing and weighlifting, I have met so many amazing women who refuse to let age slow them down and I’m so proud of each and every one. I had the honor to compete with so many of the best; learn from them; laugh with them, and call many of them friend. I cherish that. I could say 2016 sucked because I didn’t do as well as I wanted to on the field. I guess that’s the crux of all of this 2016 bitching and moaning, we could all bitch about something or other. But don’t. It’s pussy. Don’t be a pussy in 2016. There are people who have lost their parents; their children; their health; their jobs or homes, or are fighting for their lives. While I’m not a huge fan of comparing struggles, if your struggle is that Princess Leia died, well…shut up. Go connect with real people so that if/when THEY die, you are truly affected. (Yes, I do know that I’m simplifying this a bit. It’s okay. You still didn’t know her. You still are choosing to be sad about something that doesn’t affect you.)

At the end of the day, folks who are healthy and have enough wealth to be sitting in front of their computer bitching and moaning on how 2016 has been such a horrible year because it didn’t go your way or people died that you are pretending to have some kind of connection  to is boring. Barf. Knock it off. Stop listening to the media telling you how you should feel so shittily about the year or the state of America. There are too many, IMO, “news” outlets who hate America and want you to also. Fuck that. Stand on your own. We can be unhappy with certain outcomes and still stand together as Americans. Come on. Think of that sappy, hippy Coke commercial with folks holding hands across America. We can do that. We need to look each other in the eyes and decide that holding hands across our differences is more rewarding than fighting on the motherfucking Facebook.

So long ’16. You weren’t horrible. You weren’t perfect. You didn’t make life easy at times (uh oh, maybe I did that myself;) At the end of Saturday night, you were just a year. 2017 will most likely see much of the same and if I’m very, very fortunate I will be saying goodbye to it a year from now just as healthy and strong and happy as I am right now with my kids and others I love just a little more successful than today.

There are people who are unhappy with everything.

Prince

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Gilmore Girls

Posted on December 13, 2016 by tosabarbell

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I’ve been on the fence about writing on this topic. I know that the anticipation of more episodes, bringing us current to the life of Rory and Lorelai, was on the epic scale and I was right there with ya on making sure my daughter and I watched on Black Friday.

But then I started watching it. And I came to the horrible conclusion that either A. this show actually sucks and why did I waste my time for so many years watching it and/or 2. I’ve outgrown this stupid show and how could I waste my time for so many years watching it? Neither option was fun but I stuck it out and finished watching the supersized, four episodes. Until the very end which means that even if I’ve outgrown the show, I’m still ‘all in’ on wasting my time by watching it.

Though I never watched it on whatever night it originally aired, it would play at 4:00pm on week days which is right around the time that the kids would get home from school. After snacks were served and evening activities were confirmed, Zandra and I would sit down and watch it together. This was our time. Now, I feel very fortunate that Zandra is a Mommy’s girl. Has it always been easy? Nope. We’re very alike and that has caused eruptions here and there but at the end of the day, she’s my girl. I didn’t have that with my mom. My sister did and while I watched as an outsider on how they clicked, I didn’t get it. Even though there is so much I do today around the house or with other people that are reflections of my mom, we rarely were on the same page.

I believe one of the reasons Zandra and I loved watching the Gilmore Girls was because of the strong bond of mother and daughter. I’m fortunate that we both valued and wanted that. Yeah us. But as Zandra, and the Gilmore’s, got older I started noticing a disturbing trend. Lorelai is actually kind of fucked up. Like, still cute and an awesome dresser, fucked up nontheless.

First off, she kept secrets. Constantly. And seemed to pass that little gem of a habit down to Rory. There were always excuses as to why important things weren’t told but it all comes down to this, people who keep secrets or fail to communicate even the basic of details are just shitty communicators. Oh sure, I’ve heard, “Well, this is why I didn’t want to tell you, because I knew you’d be upset” too many times to count but what I really hear is, “I was afraid of saying something so I kept it from you and now you’re mad because I’m behaving like a three year old who is scared of their mommy.” It annoys the ever lovin’ out of me. Secrets were fun in grade school when I had a crush on Dale something-or-other and then my friend told him. Bitch. Heh.

But the Gilmore crew take secrets to Level a Billion. At some point, I didn’t like it. At some point, I had to look at my daughter and ask myself, what is she learning here? But we’re just getting started.

Lorelai was a horrible girlfriend and showed a complete lack of loyalty when it came to the men in her life. Have a fight with the fiance? Go sleep with the ex boyfriend. Cuz, as women, that’s what we do. Ummmm, no. We don’t. My gawds. She bails on one wedding to, in my opinion, the only man who had some worth on that show besides Edward Herrmann which is fine. We’ve all cancelled weddings before. (Wait, whut? You haven’t? Ok, just me and Lorelai I guess) However, we’ve cancelled them in a way that is, oh I dunno-FUCKING ADULT?!??? As in, you call these people to cancel and I’ll call these people and this sucks and we’re sad but, ya know, see you at work Monday. Sounds fun doesn’t it?

But the Gilmore way is to avoid unpleasantness altogether and take off in the middle of the night and just not wedding. Ummmmkay. Her on-again/off-again relationship with Luke was like watching first cousins try and make a go of it. More than a little uncomfortable and just plain boring. But then she passed all that crap down to Rory and by then, I just couldn’t. I’d look over to my little girl and think, ‘uh no baby girl, you’re not running through life thinking this is all  okay.’ The show lost some luster for me but we’d watch it here and there as more of a habit I guess than anything else.

Fast forward however many years it’s been since the last episode where Rory turns down Logan’s marriage proposal and Luke and Lor kiss and make up without having an actual conversation as to what broke down their relationship in the first place. Side note: no one in this show has real conversations. Sure, witty and quippy is entertaining as fok, but if you’re going to work in the world you’re going to need to know how to have a real conversation. Sorry not sorry.

So we wake up to 8 years later and Rory is now sleeping with Logan who is engaged to another woman while pretending to have some boyfriend she keeps forgetting about, including his name, and has a one night stand with a furry (did I dream that one? It’s so unbelievably fucking lame that I have to have dreamt that one) and still can’t make a decision as to what she wants to do with her life. OH! And now she’s pregnant and the baby daddy could be one of 3 or 4 guys.

Congratulations Lorelai, you’ve managed to raise someone even more fucked up than you and that’s quite an accomplishment considering what a self-absorbed fucked up mess you are.

And that, my friends, is the crux of my issues with Gilmore Girls. No one got better or smarter with time. No one learned anything and, in my opinion again, they actually got more stupid and self-absorbed through the years. See, here’s my belief: that as parents, we want our kids to be just a little bit better and smarter than us. And, in my life, they are. My kids are so much better than I could ever be. They are resilient; hard working; tough but kind; responsible; bold, and 40 other adjectives I’m not thinking of right now. Oscar has, and has had, more character than half the grown men I know. Zac has completely turned his life around in a few short months and is driven to succeed for not only him but his girlfriend and her daughter. Zandra continues to work hard to find her path and is realizing, as Mommy to Moose the German Shepard, that Mommying isn’t as easy as she thought it was.

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Gratuitous picture of Za and Moose.

But they’re so much better than I was at their ages and I know that I did better than what my birth mother could do. I expect their children (or in Za’s case, 20 dogs) will be better than them and hopefully the cycle will continue.

So when the Gilmore Girls come out and are even MORE fucked up then 8 years ago? Well, no thanks. The two of you continue to treat those around you like shit and act like they’re going to be there forever to be kicked around. At least the boyfriend who’s name Rory could never remember broke up with her finally.

Side note #2: things that are unbelievable and prove that you don’t give two shits about your viewers on a televisions show:

1. Write in that one of the lead characters, a Yale graduate, can’t remember her boyfriend’s name.

2. In one episode, it is winter with heavy coats and hats and people bustling about in the cold and in the very next episode which is supposed to represent a week later, the main characters are wearing sun dresses and the grass is green. Dudes, we can see that ya know. Many of us who have lived in a winter to summer region know that’s not how it works. That’s not even remotely how it works.

There’s more but those were my two biggest annoyances. On the plus side, the storyline of matriarch Emily Gilmore, was comforting. As real as it could be on a show written so poorly. She lost her husband and grieved. And, as we knew Emily would do picked herself back up. And a tirade along with a string of “Bullshit”s by Kelly Bishop was pretty priceless. So there’s that.

Overall, F. What does Henry David Thoreau say? Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined.

So the Gilmore Girls dreamed of living aimlessly and in bubbles that include only their wants and fuck those around them who need them to live in the world. Got it. OH, honorable mention, Luke and Lorelai who still have zero romance in their lives and just seem to go day by day as if their need for each other is equal to our basic need of toilet paper. No thanks.

I want more. I want my kids to have more and work for more. And I especially want my daughter to be more, which luckily for me, she already is. So long Gilmore Girls, thanks for reminding me what I don’t want in life for anyone I love.

Tacky, horrid people.

Emily Gilmore

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Monday Bacon: Mirror Mirror

Posted on December 5, 2016 by tosabarbell

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It’s that time again (I wrote that in a Starbux drive-thru barista’s sing song voice.) The time of  year we take a look back on the last 12 months and decide whether it was all as wonderful as it seemed or as big of a nightmare that it felt like. If you’re normal, it was probably a bit of both. Some of us are going into the Holiday festivities with happy anticipation and some of us are forced into a season of “firsts” without a loved one. Others have moved into the dull ache of another Christmas without their someone special and at the end of the day, we just need to know that hugs are extra special around this time of year.

And for me, it’s time to look in the mirror and take inventory. If I had to sum it all up, I’d label 2016 as “win some, lose some.” On all fronts.

I have stated repeatedly that I’m not much of a movie/tv watcher (other than sports.) I’ve even tried to be a little better so I can actually join a conversation here and there about movies. I’ve ventured off the beaten path on the Netflix and have found some gems and some that, in a small but significant way, have affected me.

Spotlight

Spotlight is a film about the Boston Globe crew that brought to light the widespread abuse of not only Catholic priests; but the Catholic church itself in covering up and failing to protect it’s children from further abuse. It spoke to me and helped me realize something that brought out, possibly anyway, a slightly more fierce Jules than we’re even used to. There is a line in the movie that goes something like this, ‘a lot of these people just want acknowledgement that something happened.’ See, there was abuse in our home that I grew up in. That’s real uncomfortable for a lot of people. I’m sorry about that, I really am. Mostly I’m sorry we can’t just talk about it openly and admit that things were handled poorly. That was my realization after watching Spotlight. That while I’ve forgiven the situation, I was still angry that no one acknowledged it and even more importantly, that no one stood up for the little girl that was me. That if my parent’s said that no one can know, then we all just pretend it didn’t happen and no one stepped in and said, “Fuck that Pastor, this little girl needs someone to have her back and since no one in that house does, I will and we’re going to the cops.” And I’ve been angry about that. For, I guess, a really long time. That Aunt’s and Uncle’s and co-Pastor’s and their wives never stepped in and helped me. Not one. And because of it, I was always the problem child. Me. The victim. Since I finally talked in a way that could not be ignored, I broke the happy little family we were. And that has been my role in the family since. And I’m angry. Or at least I was. Now I’m just a little sad but so thankful that I’m not confined to that prison. But ya, right now, looking in that mirror and seeing 10 year old Jules looking back at me-so confused and sad and scared, I’m a bit sad.

See, when I mentioned in an earlier post that I hate drama, especially stupid girl high school drama, I meant it. So in a couple of situations where gossipy; grimy; troublemaking girls brought drama into my life I snapped. I was dealing with shit and had no time or energy for stupid issues that just showed their insecurities and for some reason they wanted me to be a part of it. It affected how I feel about Highland Games and the main reason that we’ve already severely cut our participation in them. Because we’ve found our tribe in them. The people that DO have your back (understandably a big issue for me) and help you grow as a person and share so much joy by just being with them, well, we’ve decided it’s just more important to spend money seeing them instead of going to a Highland Games where some stupid girls actually need to be followed around by the AD their behavior is so bad. (FYI, this is why being a Master’s athlete is complete bomb. We don’t have these problems and why 2017 will be the year of the Master’s games. Yeah old people!)

And now it’s time to lay to rest that I just am not going to get that acknowledgement. I don’t even get a $20,000 settlement like some of the abuse victims in Boston (where’s Eric MacLeish when you need him?) But I DO know that I’m surrounded by people who have my back and that’s all that matters.

The Big Short

I adore this movie and when I’m cleaning or doing other things around the house and want a break from the radio, I’ll put it on to listen to while I get shit done. Steve Carell is brilliant and a line his (still hot) wife played by Marisa Tomei says grabbed me. Something along the lines of you need to perfect every perceived wrong around you. Uhhh, hi me, met me much? The above plays a large part in this but it explained a lot. Why do I care? If people are shitty people and bully others but not me, why should I care? Here’s why. Because, for some reason, when I’m around people harness their shitty behavior and when I’m not or if I’m on the other side of, say, a field they bring it out on someone they know won’t fight back. I don’t like it. Often times it’s not even my business, but I don’t like it. I’ve got your back. My friends know that and I hope they trust it. I think they do. But it also means that I’ve been unable to step back and say, “I love you but you’ve got to figure this one out. If this person thinks you’re an easy target then you need to stand up and make sure they know they’re mistaken.” I need to do that more. As much as I don’t like walls, I need to make sure mine is up more than I do. I need to be a better judge of who I’m allowing through the gates. Not where it comes to my good friends, but the circle just out from there. My life these last couple of months has been so much better after I realized this and stepped back. So, 2017, more please.

The last little bit is recent, as in, last week. I started watching an A&E series with Leah Remini opening up some controlling and abusive situations revolved around the Church of Scientology. Not surprising, I like her. She’s very “come at me Bro with everything you got and be prepared for the fight I’ll bring” and well, many of you have met me so understand why I like that. A small line she said that got blown by pretty quick was something like this, This is so wrong and I’m so angry but I can’t do anything about it.

Ya. That’s the crux of it all. There’s so much shit in the world that we can’t do anything about that when people want to pretend that little things are tragedy, well, I.Just.Can’t. Trump being President is not tragedy. Veterans suffering from mental illness and being ignored is fucking tragedy. A new apartment building going up in your neighborhood is not tragedy. Having a school across the street with hundreds of kids where many are going home to unsafe environments (by statistical probability) is tragedy. Fucking perspective. Gain some.

OH! Honorable mention to the movies on relationships. We don’t watch many of them and I’ve already written about it laughing at relationships has been good for us. Like, really good. Matt and I went through a lot this year and leaving 2016 stronger and happier than we’ve ever been is an absolute gift. The best. For someone going through most of life without anyone having their back and suddenly having one of the world’s biggest and strongest shielding you from shit? Well, as the credit card people say, Priceless.

So while some of the mirror watching has been tough; a little sad; has forced some self reflection on how I need to adjust, it’s also been helpful to see how absolutely gifted my life is.

So I’ll say a very sincere thank you 2016. You’ve been hard at times, but grand overall. And I’ll cross my fingers and say a little prayer that 2017 is good to those I love, and a little less combative for those I don’t. Heh.

I’ll also vow not to eat a whole pan of Pumpkin Bars. At least until next Thanksgiving.

Christmas is a season not only of rejoicing but of reflection.

Winston Churchill 

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Throwing? Anyone? Bueller?

Posted on November 30, 2016 by tosabarbell
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Caber toss at the first ever Grandfather Mountain Highland Games.

I haven’t thrown; thought about throwing; drilled; thought about drilling, or even touched a throwing implement to get it out of my way since August in Buffalo. Nearly 4 months now. Man, has it been nice.

I was burned out. I’ve pushed hard these last four years including off season strength training along with drilling and just for fun, last year I added Weightlifting goals in the mix. While I nearly accomplished all of my goals for the year, I’m tired; overweight, and my hormones are a mess from two years of 10×10’s and training 4-5 days a week (not to mention just being a woman in her late 40’s.)

While I’ve had to continue to focus on my Weightlifting longer, I was healing up my hamstring injury from Master’s Worlds and trying to stay recovered and as uninflamed as possible. And I may not be done yet. I have registered for Master’s Nationals Weightlifting meet next March and, since I bombed out at American Championships earlier this month, may need to do another local meet if my total from Master’s World Championships does not qualify as a USA Weightlifting sanctioned meet. (Yes, it “should” which is the answer I keep getting from everyone EXCEPT the powers that be. I’ve written no less than 5 emails and left phone messages and still haven’t received an answer. At this time, I’m registered for a local meet in Aurora, IL in a couple of weeks and if a 106kg total is all I need, it’s all I’ll go for. I think Matt and I worked out that my 2nd snatch warm-up will be my opener and my 3rd clean and jerk warm-up will be go time for that lift. While I’m annoyed that no one has gotten back to me, I’ll play the game and just qualify to be safe.) But in no way whatsoever will I push my lifts at the meet.

And I’m getting antsy to throw again. I’m also getting pretty excited to start working towards a new set of goals. See, last year I wanted to throw far. I knew my mechanics still weren’t where they needed to be which means I needed to be as strong and powerful as I could be to hang. This year? Mechanics. All mechanics.

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I received an effective drill for Hammers from Chuck Kasson at Enumclaw that I played with a little bit and started to feel the hammer in motion. But Worlds was two or three weeks later and after that I was done. I want to go back to those drills, and only those drills,  and assuming it’s not arctic outside I can do that. I want to take the time to just move and feel. I want to become friends with the Hammer in 2017 and stop fighting with it. That means sessions dedicated only to Hammers instead of a few throws at the end of practice where I’m already tired.

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photo credit: gettyimages

Ok, I lied. I played with an implement or two in Germany with Petra and Uli and their throws group. It was tons of fun but I had just lifted the day before and PR’d my Clean and Jerk by 4kg which was pretty awesome but I was feeling it the next day. One of my goals; however; was to get some stones drills from Uli. I grabbed the children’s stone and he gave me three drills revolving around getting my right hip turned to the field prior to the throw. I haven’t got this down yet and when I see people do it or photo’s like the above, it makes sense to me. Luckily, I can run these drills inside at a local gym where fellow throwers Ross & Victoria Bunchek built a contraption we can throw into. It’s pretty awesome and I’m very thankful to them for letting others play in their sandbox. Right hip turn and jump. That will be month one. Yes, there’s more to it than that but first things first.

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Watching the likes of Dan McKim, Matt Vincent, and Spencer Tyler throw weights is extremely helpful.

While I do well at Weights, I believe there’s more there. I’m not hitting the positions as clean as I can and actually need to slow things down to feel them. One of the worst cues to give me is to “power” or “sprint” after the fist turn. Because I’ll do it and in the process not only completely blow through any useful positions to set up a big toss, but probably power right through the toe board and foul the throw. I have in my head what that looks like, now I just need to make my body do it. Also, I’m still dealing with this hamstring. We went Turkey bowling last week and I had to be very careful on those releases. Snatch pulls are helping give it a nice big stretch but I need to watch it.

And I’m still lifting. And hitting some cardio and hot yoga each week. OH! As if that’s not enough, I registered for next March’s meet as a 90kg lifter. I weighed in at 103 at the last meet. 13 kilos and probably another one or two for insurance. And while I had made progress the last few weeks, Thanksgiving sugar pretty much took care of that. Heh.

As for my lifting, I’m only doing accessory pulls to work on weak points of my lifts while trying to recover from the year but it’s still stress and I need to be very careful about it all. I’m no longer working with Mike Westerling so am on my own. I’ll always be thankful to Mike for not only his help but all of his encouragement this last year. But I was a weightlifter/thrower with a very aggressive schedule and a Masters woman at that so there was a lot of trial and error throughout the year and often times I was still under recovered and both my throws and my lifts showed it. I don’t know exactly what my programming will look like for 2017, right now I’m just taking it one week at a time and it’s likely I’ll stay with that model for the rest of the year.

And 2017 is my 50  year. I can’t wait! But what that means is that I have to be more disciplined than EVER to promote recovery and keep inflammation as low as possible. Food; sleep; keeping sessions efficient but watching the volume and intensity and always, my wine. I really like having a glass at night. But then the bottle is open and what am I gonna do, let it go bad?

The good news is that our throwing schedule for 2017 is quite different than it has been in past years. Right now, the only Games we have planned are the local ‘Tosa Games the first weekend in June and Iceland towards the end of June. We’ll try to hit Minnesota again in early July and assuming I’m on the ball this year with registration, will make our trek out west this year for Portland. We’re going to skip Enumclaw. As much fun as we’ve had the last three years and family time is so precious, we want to leave the funds and time open for a new Games somewhere. Maybe the Southeast or California. There’s good beer on both coasts so getting Matt to either won’t be a problem. Heh. We’ll go from there but it’s a good start and having extra time to work the basics mean I can be smart about it all.

In theory.

I value self-discipline, but creating systems that make it next to impossible to misbehave is more reliable than self-control.

Tim Ferriss

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