You Okay Hon?

Posted on June 3, 2014 by tosabarbell

Uncle Matty & Addi

One of the more fun aspects of WanAt life is the many sports activities of nieces and nephews. Bigg’s sister, Becky, and her hubby and kids always provide tons of entertainment no matter if it’s indoors or out. Trent’s basketball games are always fun and whenever he makes a basket he’ll still stop, look over to us and wait until we start the wave or give hyooge cheers. We’ve seen Addi, the sister, come up to bat at t-ball; completely miss a kick at soccer; and sing in the school pageant as an angel. This summer, their youngest (and Matt’s God-son) Tre will be starting t-ball so we expect more lulz at those games. In between Matt’s travel, gym sessions, and the refusal to wake up on Saturday for an 8:00am kids game we only make a game or two each per season but we love them. They love seeing their Uncle Matty on the sidelines and truth be told, these little maniacs are some of my favorite kids on the planet.

We started last Saturday with Addi’s soccer game. It was a gorgeous, albeit a bit hot, sunny morning and the little girls moving in packs around the ball was awesome. Lots of energy coming from the players, not so much from the parent helpers. Heh. It was lots of fun but I quickly notes something very puzzling coming from the coaching bench each time a little girl would fall…one (or more) of the coaching dad’s would yell out, “You okay hon? Are you sure, you okay?” Maybe they’d call them by name but each fall or crash brought about an ‘You okay?’ SRSLY???!

It’s soccer. You fall down. Even the big boys and girls fall down in soccer, in dramatic fashion no less. No one asks THEM if they’re ok. They may even get a yellow card for their antics. What part of soccer do the dad’s not understand? Your kid will fall down. They’re ok, they’ve been doing it for years. Geezus, stop babying your baby. If they’re bold enough to tie up the cleats (Addi’s are an awesome white and purple Nike pair, loved ’em) then they’re bold enough to deal with the heightened dangers of, oh I dunno, FALLING DOWN! 

If YOU as a parent can’t handle that, you need to stay home during the games. Asking little girls if they’re ok repeatedly after each fall during the course of one little soccer game is annoying as fok. True story. Even some of the girls were annoyed. One particular girl with the fiercest game face I’ve seen on a 6 year old and a long brownish/blond braid gave such a look of contempt when asked if she was okay that I wanted to adopt her. Exploit that shit, she has the eye of the tiger, stop asking if she’s okay! She’s clearly fine, see how she’s walking away? She’s up. She’s fine. Shut up.

When I was a bit older than these girls, I started playing softball. I don’t know how many raspberry’s I got on my left leg from sliding (hate pants) but I do not ever recall being asked if I was okay. I would just walk over to my mom who would have the water; washcloth; and peroxide ready for me to get cleaned up before I went back out on the field. (Peroxide on raspberry’s is a special kind of hell by the way.) But no one HAD to ask if I were okay cuz I was walking away from the plate. See? If I can walk, I’m ok. These girls too. They’re fine. STFU and let ’em play.

OH! Before heading straight away to older brother Trent’s soccer game down the road (no one asked the boys if they were ok by the way) we passed a 7-11. What do you do when you pass a 7-11 on a hot, sunny day? Get Slurpee’s of course…with mustache straws. Duh.

addisoccer2

Addi & her Slurpee

I decided I can’t pay a person to rewind time, so I may as well get over it.

Serena Williams

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Public Enemy #1

Posted on May 29, 2014 by tosabarbell

erinsimmons

If athletic bloggers of any kind don’t know by now, here’s the greatest tip on how to generate thousands of views on a post and bring people to your site: bash CrossFit.

Duh.

You will awaken the sleeping giant that is “community” and instantly become Public Enemy #1. Case in point, Erin Simmons. Now, prior to yesterday I had to idea who this chick was. Until a bunch of the FB friends started circulating a blog post of hers giving her opinion on why she doesn’t do CF. OOoooooo, she stirred up some shit. I was able to make it a few paragraphs in to the article before I got bored and moved on to Kissing Suzy Kolber‘s fun for the day (by the way, Johnny Football took a middle row seat on an airplane and is taking heat for it. Slow news day I guess.)

Erin’s article is fine. It’s been written at least eight times before by different bloggers and has generated the same response from CrossFitters. She doesn’t know what she’s talking about; she’s outright lying; her form is horrendous, she should get a coach; did you see her box jumps? Horrible. THAT was the one that got my attention. SRSLY? Some chick that doesn’t have any impact on your life did a box jump that YOU don’t approve of and so you took the time to comment on a FB thread that her BOX JUMPS were horrendous? SRSLY?

Box jumps. You jump. You step down (unless you really hate your achilles tendons.) What form is there to bash? Ummmmm, you’ve just become a parody of yourself. Congrats. Here’s your sign.

So some chick doesn’t like CF. Who cares? WHO CARES? You’ve just given her a crap ton of publicity and a couple k in views to her site. But pulling out the camera a little bit, why does it bother yous guys so bad when people don’t like CF? Have you READ the Couch Thread? Is it just easier to go after a sweet little Texan than the likes of Shaf or whoever the hellz is posting over there lately? (The last tasty tidbit on the Couch Thread was the black box explosion. It’s been boring ever since.)

Are you not aware that some of her points (in the first couple paragraphs anyway) were possible spot on? That there ARE horrible CF gyms in the country (thankfully with a youtube account that they’re more than willing to utilize every attention whoring chance they get so we get to see the “horrendous” form on everything, not just box jumps.) Shouldn’t THAT upset you more than some chick who dabbled in your swimming pool and didn’t like it? GeeJUS, it’s like saying we can’t profile and then you head into an inner city DMV. Uhhhhh,yes we can.

I have always said that there are some amazing S&C gyms that happen to share a CF name. These people have been training others far longer than CF has been around and are doing amazing things with the general population. Well done. I’m proud to have shared some platform space with them. But they are not the norm and if that ruffles feathers and causes others to “circle the wagons” well, you’ve just circled the wagons on your shit. Thank you, keep that stuff contained.

But if you’re going to go on the attack of one little girl who spoke out against it, probably for the sole reason of getting views on her blog, you’ve just played into her hand. Oops. By the way, I did watch a little video of hers. She looks no different than the average CF’r. Don’t hate.

It’s discouraging to think how many people are shocked by honesty and how few by deceit.

Noel Coward

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30 Days

Posted on May 27, 2014 by tosabarbell

Here’s the dilemma. You’re fat. You’re weak. You’re “fill in whatever negative adjective you believe yourself to be here” AND it’s almost swimsuit season. W!T!F! do I doooooo?

I KNOW, I’LL DO A “CHALLENGE.” Ya know, like what Jillian says I should do. A shit ton of reps with one exercise for 30 days and I’ll wake up fabulous on day 31. Right?

Cuz  the whole January 1st ‘Train for 12 weeks and look like a fitness model’ thing didn’t quite work out for you. Right? Why? Hmmmmm, maybe cuz gimmicks don’t work.

Duh.

Long term programming; long term goals; tweaks here and there as necessary. Solid lifts. Solid food. LONG TERM. If you don’t understand that because you’re new, that’s ok. Find a good coach and get some help. If you REFUSE to understand it because you’re stubborn and still want to eat/lay around/do nothing as you please but want 30 day ABz or SQUATz or whatever the hell you think you’re doing driving your body into the ground? You deserve the results. Have fun with that.

And for those of you deciding to do a 30 day “X” challenge in the middle of your season of sport? HeckYa! That’s the perfect time to fuck yourself up. Go for it.

After all, Jillian endorses it. And she’s a great coach. Right?

My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit.

Phyllis Diller

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Monday Bacon: But Can I Still Have Fun?

Posted on May 26, 2014 by tosabarbell

All three

Growing up, Memorial Day represented a bit of a double edged sword. On the one hand, it was the weekend we’d pack up the station wagon to the gills and head up north to Lake Pokegama near Grand Rapids to open the cabin for the summer season.

Each fall, when we’d say good bye for the winter, my mom would wonder out loud if it will still be standing the next spring. Each spring, as we’d round the turn and hope we could make it down our drive, she’d wonder out loud again if it were still there. It was one of the most stressful moments of my childhood. See parents, when you say silly shit like this just to be melodramatic, your kids are listening. Stop doing that, it’s stressful.

Anyways.

“Opening weekend” meant, hauling everything out of the cabin to get let it air out. Do ALL the laundry (which meant going to town because we didn’t have hot water…or a bathroom.) Scrub every single dish and drawer to get rid of the mouse poop. Get rid of the dead mice who were suckered in by all the delicious meece poisoning that we’d leave each fall. Hope to god that when we opened the fireplace vent that bats wouldn’t fly in…they almost always did. Mow, scrub, clear, it was exhausting work that was backbreaking and sweaty. And OH, getting back to that no hot water thing. No shower. That meant baths were taken in the lake. The lake where some years, the ice had just gone off a week or two before we got up there. Those were quick baths.

The weather was almost always cold and rainy and by the end of the weekend, I was very happy to be heading back home to our little suburb. BUT, there were bright spots. Just being up there made me happy. I had my set of “cabin” books, only those I’d keep up there so it was like a treasure chest being opened of my favorite books I hadn’t seen all winter. I had my paper dolls, the cabin was the only place I could get paper dolls. We had our cabin games (I still love games. We stayed up until the weeee hours this morning playing Pit with our friends.) We had our first Patterson’s stop for comic books and inevitably our first A&W stop for a root beer float.

By Sunday afternoon, things were mostly in order and we’d get cleaned up and head to the local cemetery. This is where my mom’s parents are buried. We would mow (even though the cemetery caretakers would mow), trim the grass closest to the Markers, my mom would tell stories of her parents (her dad died when she was 11 and Grandma died when I was around 6 so I have very few memories of her.) For some reason, my memory is that those times were usually sunny and being away from the work and the chill of the cabin was a happy time. So happy that I’d do cartwheels all over the grave sites. It would drive my brother nuts. He’d yell at me to stop doing cartwheels on other people’s graves. This was a somber time. No time for fun. But hey, I gotta be me.

I thought of all of this these last few days as more and more FB posts went up about THE REASON FOR THE SEASON! IT’S NOT BBQ TIME, IT’S REMEMBRANCE TIME!!! STOP CELEBRATING ON MEMORIAL DAY!!! YOU BAD AMERICANS!!

Geezus folks, calm down. Let each American celebrate Memorial Day as they do. I know some Jewish people who exchange Christmas gifts, where’s your outrage then?

There are many of us who use the long weekend for other than it’s intended use. Okay? It’s okay. Everything will be okay. There are many of us who use the weekend to remember loved ones who may not have been in the military. Okay? It’s okay. There are many of us who may use the long weekend to get caught up on other things. Okay? It’ll all be okay. Do your thing, celebrate and remember your way. But stop meme bullying others. It’s boring.

OH! And if you ever see a little girl doing cartwheels in the cemetery? Smile. You’re supposed to be having fun when you remember loved ones. I hope.

Guard against the impostures of  pretended patriotism.

George Washington

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