Friday Jams

liberace

I know I’ve said it before, but I really love the TCM channel. You never know what will pop up on their play list and when I’m up in the middle of the night unable to get back to sleep, I’ve seen some awesome old movies. This week, I was up early Monday morning in Minnesota getting ready for the day and packed up when I turned on the TCM who were playing a Marx Bros movie. I love the Marx Brothers. They are both funny and musical, the best. Their comedic timing and play on words weren’t duplicated until Mel Brooks came along (more on him next week) and no one has touched either talent since. So I plopped down with my coffee and got some morning giggles for a bit.

After my shower I noticed the Marx Bros were done and an old Liberace movie was on. Wow, it’s been a while since I’ve seen anything Liberace. Of course he was very big and showy as I was growing up but I’ve always been amazed by his piano playing. Sure, there have been many others that are better, but none as showy as Liberace. His capes, his jewels, his voice. Yup, there was something about his voice by the 70s that I really liked. It had a mixture of ego and vulnerability. I have no idea what the movie was called, Liberace played a musician and had a certain scene that blew my mind.

While his character was eating dinner, he was asked to play a piece for the other supper club diners. He gave a little lesson in Boogie Woogie where he described the “eight to the bar” style of play in most songs. Then he doubled it. Yup, 16 notes per bar with his magic fingers. AH-MAZING. If you ever come across this, sit down and watch it, you’ll be glad you did.

It was a great start to the day and brought me back to a childhood filled with over the top characters who pulled it off. Well, funny enough, Bigg and I were tooling around yesterday afternoon getting some wedding shit (yes, I call it wedding shit) done when we drove by one of the larger homes on a large house street and said that at one time Liberace lived in it. Huh? Yup, I guess he was born right down the street in West Allis and played all over town until he hit it big. He was a ‘Sconsin boy through and through and even through all of the showmanship, his midwestern and blue collar roots came across to others during his shoes. Cool.

As an interesting side note, after his death, a judge ordered an autopsy to determine if his death was caused by AIDS. Cuz that’s everybody’s business. So yes, the coroner determined that his pneumonia was an AIDS indicator and therefore, he died of AIDS. Hey, did you know Ovarian cancer is an AIDS indicator, so all the women who’ve been treated or died from Ovarian cancer also get to check the AIDS box too which increases AIDS deaths and subsequently will direct more government funds their way. So, ya, cool. These people got to determine what will be written about his death on his Wiki page, job well done judge, I don’t ever know how I could have lived without you putting an asterisk in one of our greatest entertainers biography. Foknutt.

Anyways.

Enjoy the weekend. Liberace, Boogie Woogie. Really, watch it, especially at the 2:30 minute mark. If you’re not blown away,  you hate music.

Thank you for your very amusing review. After reading it, in fact, my brother George and I laughed all the way to the bank.

Liberace, speaking to a critic

Training Log

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

Best…That Day.

NCAA Basketball: Final Four-Wisconsin vs Kentucky

As you may already know (if you follow such things), the Wisconsin Men’s basketball team avoided going to the National Championship game by 1 point. 1 POINT! In all honesty, I don’t care. We were at BW’s to eat and watch the Minnesota Wild shut out Sid the whiny Kid and his Penguins. Go Wild!

But since it was BW’s, we were able to see the game and it seemed in the first half as if Bucky and crew were going to walk away with this one. But then they didn’t. I didn’t have a clue what was going on but just saw the final score and thought, “one point, that’ll eat at some of these guys for quite a while I imagine.”  Luckily, I was in Minnesota and was able to avoid all of the post game talk that was sure to ensue. I’m glad. By the time I got back home on Monday, the Bigg man was worked into a pretty good sized juli rant about the idiotic sportscasters around town. The blame went to officials, various silly factors, and some coaching (I think, I was unpacking at the time.) What they failed to talk about, is that UK was the best…that day. They played the scenario’s over and over of, “if THIS would have been different” or “if THIS guy would have played better” and not any of it means one spring shit. Because UK was the best, that day. They won.

And such is the crux for sports commentators that have never competed at a high level. You can scenario your way into an hour long talk show but at the end of the day, it doesn’t matter. EVEN give the scenario that Wisconsin gave the game away and UK just took advantage of errors (I have no idea if this happened, I’m just heading off the argument that often times the “best” wins without being the “best”) it doesn’t matter. If a team or opponent takes advantage of another’s mistakes, and walks away with a win, they’re the best…that day.

See the pattern? I am awfully tired of hearing the haters talk about others’ wins with a huge asterisk in front of the conversation. Two of the four most important Strongman competitions are now over and the season has just started. Folks have already talked ad nauseam about the idea that Z isn’t really the best because he didn’t win this event or that event. Good lord, SHUT UP. Since he only won WSM by half a point, he’s no longer in his best form?? Uhhhh, he won. Duh. The trophies don’t state, CHAMPION BY .5 POINTS. It just says, Champion. Two of my close wins come to mind, one down in Texas where I won by half a point and most recently in March when I won by one and a half points. Neither trophy or medal state that though. They just say first. I’ll take it.

A lot goes on in the course of a competition. All of our preparation helps but sometimes lady luck steps in and gives a slight boost. Does that make a win less of a win? If you think it does, try to explain it to me but I’ll tell you you’re wrong. All it means is that on that day, in those conditions, with that field of competitors, a win is a win. I remember last year there was a dust up on the NASGA forum because some douchy douch claimed that according to numbers of a competition, he would have placed higher than many pro’s. Huh? Cuz you weren’t there and have no clue dude. Numbers on a website only tell a small part of a competition. Conditions, a little luck going for (or against) you, everything. No one can say a winner shouldn’t have won due to “X” reasons.

They won. Duh. All they had to do was be the best…that day.

The only thing I’m addicted to is winning. This bootleg cult, arrogantly referred to as Alcoholics Anonymous, reports a 5 percent success rate. My success rate is 100%.

Charlie Sheen

Training Log

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Snopes for Training

snopes

Do you remember hearing the one about the new minister at a shwank church who dressed as a homeless person and came to church to see how his new congregation would react? And then when they shunned him he was able to walk up to the pulpit and shame them? SO cool eh? It resurfaces every 7 months or so and all the wanna be nice people go, “Awwwww, I need to remember this lesson.” Problem? It’s bullshit. Fake.

Suckers.

How about the one where 72 people were killed in Boston when forced to turn in their guns. Honestly, if you’re silly enough to believe that on the FB then you deserve to be upset. Here’s one close to home, due to the cold weather there have been striped Iceberg sightings on Lake Michigan…

…oops, those are from years ago and taken 1700 miles SOUTH of South Africa. We’re way up here with our Lake Michigan. False. Again.

But I love the Snopes. I have no idea who they are but someone got fed up enough with all of these internet myths that they took action and actually spend time investigating them. Love it. Calling out the B.S. Right up our ally.

It occurred to me earlier this week that we should have a Snopes for training and trainers. Someone see’s a Jillian Michaels infomercial and can run to BULLSHIT TRAINERS DOT COM to check it out where, instead of the sweet persona she has on television, they could read the truth about her insane and crappy Hollywood style of training. Kind of like a Carfax for training.

So when someone at the gym reads another guys log on-line who just did 100 squats in the curl rack and decides that’s pretty badass and he should do that very same thing, we could direct him to BT.com. See, cuz what he didn’t see is 100 squat guy and his buddy discuss the whole Iowa football players rhabdo session and wondered if he did the same thing, would he get Rhabdo (and yes, men are that silly.) So he’s doing it now and copy cat guy didn’t see that yes indeed, 100 squat dude got Rhabdo. Had he checked the internet on bullshit programming, he’d have been saved from HIS case of Rhabdo.

But we don’t have it yet. So we need to start asking our own questions. When a WAC trainer tells you that you should never deadlift, you ask why. Why? Cuz he doesn’t know how to teach you but he won’t tell you that. He’ll tell you it’s because it’s bad for your back. Yup. It’s happened. When your Anytime Fitness trainer tells you to cut your calories down to 1100 per day and you’ll be amazed at the results, he won’t tell you that it is impossible to maintain a strong and healthy body on 1100 calories a day over time so when, after a week and a half, you start to feel like shit and want a cupcake bad enough that you’ll trade your car in for one he can tell you how you don’t have will power and need to stick with it for it to work. But that would be avoided if we just asked why? WHY? Everything that comes out of a trainer or coach’s mouth should have a mechanical and factual answer on why we’re doing what we’re doing. If the answer is every, ‘Ahhhhh, cuz it works best this way’ they’re done. Fire them. Their six week trainers course didn’t prepare them to train OR program you correctly. Move on. If your globo trainer has never heard of Dan John or Jim Wendler, fire them. They’re generic and have no idea how to program strength or fat loss. Word up.

Expect more. Much more. Ask why? Always ask why. Ask them who their influences have been in training. If they say Jillian Michaels or Dave Castro, run away. Fast.

I’ve been accused of vulgarity. I say that’s bullshit.

Mel Brooks

Training Log

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Monday Bacon: Compassionate Unfattening

One thing I love about travel in Europe is how direct Europeans are in comparison to most Mid-western ‘Mericans. You can give a curt, short answer to a question and not have people look at you like you are a grade A bitch. Here, we need to pretty up our words. Yes, we all need to use our manners. You say please and thank you, even in the drive through line. But in Europe, it’s un-necessary to ask a question like this, ” Do you think it’s possible, maybe, if you could maybe make my hamburger, ummmmmm,  this way? Or is that just a total pain in the ass, cuz then it’s ok, no worries.” I think they call it Minnesota Nice or something like that. (I don’t know what it’s called in Wisconsin other than fucking annoying.)

Let’s get real. Use real words. Sometimes real words appear to be unkind, does that make them less true? You want to lift more weight, you may need to gain more weight. Is that prospect frightening for you? Then don’t ask me questions cuz you’ll get more where that came from. You want to look toned and fit? It doesn’t exist. It’s called low body fat, not toned. You need to change up your diet and maybe your training but diet first. And fitness? Define it first, then I’ll let you know if you’re on the right track. If that follows with, ‘I knowwwww, but I just really like my _______ and I just can’t give that up’ and I reply with, ‘Then you really don’t want to lose weight. Next subject.”  If you think I’m harsh, you asked the wrong person.

There’s no conscious uncoupling here. We use real words in the real world.

There’s no fantasy land in strength and conditioning and fitness. If you want to lift heavy, you spend time (lot’s of it) under the bar with a solid program and fuel for your body as you do it. It won’t happen in a matter of months, even if your mommy told you that you were destined for greatness. You weren’t by the way, that’s Emperor speak. If you’re born with natural talents then your hard work will pay off larger than mine, but we both will still need to work hard. If you’re strong and want to be better conditioned, you need to start pushing the prowler or hitting some hills (for those of you whose hills are not snow covered.)

Now, yes, there are ways into easing into a better lifestyle. No one expects folks to change overnight and if you’ve found a trainer who does, move on. They’re full of shit and know that you won’t be sticking around for the long haul. They’re telling you what you want to hear to get your money, not what you NEED to hear for long term “results.” (We call “results” a lifestyle, you’ll understand that in time.) If you are someone who is completely powerless over food, go get help beyond the gym. You don’t pay your  trainer/strength coach enough to deal with all your issues. (But if you want them too, pay them more and I guess maybe they will.) There are many programs out there that can help you figure out why you’re eating yourself into an early grave even WITH a strength training program.

At the end of the day, it’s you. You deciding that you’ve had enough of feeling like crap; dealing with a lowered self-esteem, or dealing with the fact that you’ve eaten yourself into disease. You’re fat. We can fix that. Surrounding yourself in a fantasy world? That’s harder. It’s not complicated. Keep it simple. Just fix it. There are lots who can help. But over here? We use real words.

I love the English way, which is not as capitalistic as it is in America. People don’t talk about work and money; they talk about interesting things at dinner parties. I like living here because I don’t tap into the bad side of American psychology, which is ‘I’m not achieving enough, I’m not making enough, I’m not at the top of the pile.’ It’s just kind of like, I am.

Gwyneth Paltrow

I am who I am. I can’t pretend to be somebody who makes $25,000 a year.

also Gwyneth Paltrow

Training Log

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment