Blazing

Posted on April 15, 2014 by tosabarbell

blazing

There are at least two absolutes in life (no, not death and taxes), one; when Bohemian Rhapsody comes on the readio, you sing. Loudly. B) When you happen upon Blazing Saddles on the television, you watch it. Even if the Gopher’s are playing the Fighting Sioux (suck it NCAA) in the Frozen Four.

I mentioned last week my love for the Marx Brothers. I love watching their movies because they’re talented and talent is in short supply, has been on the Big screens for at least 20 years. They sing, dance, play all kinds of music and have a comedic timing that is a thing of beauty. But most of all, they pushed the envelope. Groucho Marx and his sexual innuendos were incredibly risque in his time although I would contend that most of his lines would now be lost on the majority of young people under 30.

There were few like him. Oh sure, Bob Hope was funny, but he was white bread. His acts were fun and silly and at times suggestive, but he kept on the right side of the line.

And then came Mel Brooks.

An obviously comedic talent, his antics with Carl Reiner are legendary. My cousin Paul and I would sit and watch Get Smart on Sunday nights and laugh are little asses off. When he came up with The Producers (a musical about Adolph Hitler), no one would touch it. No one would distribute it and it was finally shown as an art film. Brooks won an Oscar for it. After a couple of unsuccessful films, along came Blazing Saddles.

Seriously, this scene alone brings tears to my eyes. (I’ve just re-watched it five times. Laughed out loud every time.)

Racism, sexism, just plain sex, homosexuality, violence, and music (I’m sure there are other politically incorrect topics I’m not thinking of too.) All rolled into one hilarious movie. Who would dare? Mel Brooks. His other movies were fun too, Young Frankenstein plays around here from about Oct 1 until Thanksgiving.

Brooks has won an Oscar, an Emmy, a Tony, and a Grammy. Solid.

We now live in a world where no one laughs at anything. Brooks would never have made it if he were just starting out now. But Blazing Saddles brings us back to a time when we used to have sense of humors and not be so fucking serious about every thing spoken or implied. In your face humor. I still love it.

Srsly.

If you’re quiet,  you’re not living. You’ve got to be noisy, and colorful, and lively.

Mel Brooks

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Monday Bacon: Top Chef

Posted on April 14, 2014 by tosabarbell

1 weeks worth of food for a 75(ish)kg female athlete. Booya! (shamelessly taken off Ingrid Marcum’s FB:)

One of the most difficult changes to make as we try to get away from our ‘fat self’  is to stop the habit of eating the fast food and focus more on the real stuff. Ask any S&C coach who has worked with a newbie on this and they’ll all say that they’ve heard the, “I’d eat better but I’m so busy and don’t really like to cook so I have to rely on other stuff” so many times that it’s almost an autofeed in our excuses book.

Yawn.

Look, no one expects you to be a Top Chef in cooking up your own food, especially if this is a new habit for you. But I WHILL expect that you can cook up something better than a Big Mac. Cuz that’s actually a really shitty hamburger. Grab a pound of extra lean hamburger and some Penzeys Spices (I really like the Sweet Curry) and you’ve got meat for a day (girls) or lunch (boys.) Put butter spray and lemon pepper on some fish and throw it in the oven for 6 minutes and BOOM! Meat for a day. Not hard. New? Yes, but not hard. Invest in some tupperware, you can even buy it in the grocery store now (do they even HAVE Tupperware parties anymore?) Carry food with you, bring it to work, bring it to the gym, bring it to wherever you’re going.

Yes, I understand busy and on the go. But are you home at any point and sitting around doing nothing for more than 1/2 an hour a day or a couple of hours on a Sunday? Then get in front of the stove. IMO, time spent in front of the stove is just as important as time spent in the gym. If you’re not willing to do one, why do the other? No one is powerless here unless they don’t have a stove. Then you have to go borrow your mother’s, but that’s okay cuz she’ll be happy to see you. We don’t have a microwave (no, not because we have any deep seeded political reason not to have a microwave, we just don’t have room for it) so we go over to Bigg’s Mom’s house to use hers when I need to melt some chocolate for my chocolate covered strawberries. True story. By the way, if you say that you are indeed NOT home for a half hour sitting doing nothing I will either call you a liar or an incredibly bad time manager. Or both.

I’ll tell you what, there is something completely satisfying in cooking up at least a couple of days worth of food. Knowing all you have to do is wake up, make the coffee and all of this deliciousness is waiting for you and you don’t even have to get in the car to drive thru to get it. Score. Here’s a sample of my week…

myweek

Protein Pancake mix for quick breakfast carbs; fish ready to go into the oven; wine (always); green beans (I really hate veggies but will eat these); Oatmeal; salads from the salad bar (one per day); 93/7 lean hamburger mixed with sweet onion and sweet potato; pasta with Italian dressing. I have another pound of hamburger in the fridge I’ll make up tomorrow. I’ll go and get two more salads on Wednesday, enjoy one treat of a Q’doba burrito bowl and I’m set until the Bigg guy gets home from the Middle East on Friday. When he’s home? Take this, add a meat smoking session of at least 10# of something tasty and multiply everything else by at least three. EZPZ. Time consuming? Sure, a bit. Not bad and gee whiz, whatever I miss in life while doing it will just have to be missed. I know I’ve set myself up for a great week of food. All food is portable, mostly. If you’re just so special that you absolutely can’t make some food and take it with you so you have to go through drive thru’s and eat their shitty food (remember, McDon’s has salads YO!), then go ahead and be fat and unhealthy. You win.

But not really. Cuz that excuse is old. It’s tired. And it’s bullshit. If you’re reading this and of adult age (good lord I hope parents don’t let their kids read this blog); able to function in society with a job and shit; you can cook up a pound of burger. And go make a salad bar salad with a pound of pre-made chicken on it; and boil some water for some pasta. But that’s only if you truly want to make a healthy change. Up to you.

I don’t believe in twisting yourself into knots of excuses and explanations over the food you make. When one’s hostess starts in with self-deprecations such as “Oh, I don’t know how to cook…,” or “Poor little me…,” or “This may taste awful…,” it is so dreadful to have to reassure her that everything is delicious and fine, whether it is or not. Besides, such admissions only draw attention to one’s shortcomings (or self-perceived shortcomings), and make the other person think, “Yes, you’re right, this really is an awful meal!” Maybe the cat has fallen into the stew, or the lettuce has frozen, or the cake has collapsed — eh bien, tant pis! Usually one’s cooking is better than one thinks it is. And if the food is truly vile, as my ersatz eggs Florentine surely were, then the cook must simply grit her teeth and bear it with a smile — and learn from her mistakes.

Julia Child

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Friday Jams

Posted on April 11, 2014 by tosabarbell

liberace

I know I’ve said it before, but I really love the TCM channel. You never know what will pop up on their play list and when I’m up in the middle of the night unable to get back to sleep, I’ve seen some awesome old movies. This week, I was up early Monday morning in Minnesota getting ready for the day and packed up when I turned on the TCM who were playing a Marx Bros movie. I love the Marx Brothers. They are both funny and musical, the best. Their comedic timing and play on words weren’t duplicated until Mel Brooks came along (more on him next week) and no one has touched either talent since. So I plopped down with my coffee and got some morning giggles for a bit.

After my shower I noticed the Marx Bros were done and an old Liberace movie was on. Wow, it’s been a while since I’ve seen anything Liberace. Of course he was very big and showy as I was growing up but I’ve always been amazed by his piano playing. Sure, there have been many others that are better, but none as showy as Liberace. His capes, his jewels, his voice. Yup, there was something about his voice by the 70s that I really liked. It had a mixture of ego and vulnerability. I have no idea what the movie was called, Liberace played a musician and had a certain scene that blew my mind.

While his character was eating dinner, he was asked to play a piece for the other supper club diners. He gave a little lesson in Boogie Woogie where he described the “eight to the bar” style of play in most songs. Then he doubled it. Yup, 16 notes per bar with his magic fingers. AH-MAZING. If you ever come across this, sit down and watch it, you’ll be glad you did.

It was a great start to the day and brought me back to a childhood filled with over the top characters who pulled it off. Well, funny enough, Bigg and I were tooling around yesterday afternoon getting some wedding shit (yes, I call it wedding shit) done when we drove by one of the larger homes on a large house street and said that at one time Liberace lived in it. Huh? Yup, I guess he was born right down the street in West Allis and played all over town until he hit it big. He was a ‘Sconsin boy through and through and even through all of the showmanship, his midwestern and blue collar roots came across to others during his shoes. Cool.

As an interesting side note, after his death, a judge ordered an autopsy to determine if his death was caused by AIDS. Cuz that’s everybody’s business. So yes, the coroner determined that his pneumonia was an AIDS indicator and therefore, he died of AIDS. Hey, did you know Ovarian cancer is an AIDS indicator, so all the women who’ve been treated or died from Ovarian cancer also get to check the AIDS box too which increases AIDS deaths and subsequently will direct more government funds their way. So, ya, cool. These people got to determine what will be written about his death on his Wiki page, job well done judge, I don’t ever know how I could have lived without you putting an asterisk in one of our greatest entertainers biography. Foknutt.

Anyways.

Enjoy the weekend. Liberace, Boogie Woogie. Really, watch it, especially at the 2:30 minute mark. If you’re not blown away,  you hate music.

Thank you for your very amusing review. After reading it, in fact, my brother George and I laughed all the way to the bank.

Liberace, speaking to a critic

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Best…That Day.

Posted on April 10, 2014 by tosabarbell

NCAA Basketball: Final Four-Wisconsin vs Kentucky

As you may already know (if you follow such things), the Wisconsin Men’s basketball team avoided going to the National Championship game by 1 point. 1 POINT! In all honesty, I don’t care. We were at BW’s to eat and watch the Minnesota Wild shut out Sid the whiny Kid and his Penguins. Go Wild!

But since it was BW’s, we were able to see the game and it seemed in the first half as if Bucky and crew were going to walk away with this one. But then they didn’t. I didn’t have a clue what was going on but just saw the final score and thought, “one point, that’ll eat at some of these guys for quite a while I imagine.”  Luckily, I was in Minnesota and was able to avoid all of the post game talk that was sure to ensue. I’m glad. By the time I got back home on Monday, the Bigg man was worked into a pretty good sized juli rant about the idiotic sportscasters around town. The blame went to officials, various silly factors, and some coaching (I think, I was unpacking at the time.) What they failed to talk about, is that UK was the best…that day. They played the scenario’s over and over of, “if THIS would have been different” or “if THIS guy would have played better” and not any of it means one spring shit. Because UK was the best, that day. They won.

And such is the crux for sports commentators that have never competed at a high level. You can scenario your way into an hour long talk show but at the end of the day, it doesn’t matter. EVEN give the scenario that Wisconsin gave the game away and UK just took advantage of errors (I have no idea if this happened, I’m just heading off the argument that often times the “best” wins without being the “best”) it doesn’t matter. If a team or opponent takes advantage of another’s mistakes, and walks away with a win, they’re the best…that day.

See the pattern? I am awfully tired of hearing the haters talk about others’ wins with a huge asterisk in front of the conversation. Two of the four most important Strongman competitions are now over and the season has just started. Folks have already talked ad nauseam about the idea that Z isn’t really the best because he didn’t win this event or that event. Good lord, SHUT UP. Since he only won WSM by half a point, he’s no longer in his best form?? Uhhhh, he won. Duh. The trophies don’t state, CHAMPION BY .5 POINTS. It just says, Champion. Two of my close wins come to mind, one down in Texas where I won by half a point and most recently in March when I won by one and a half points. Neither trophy or medal state that though. They just say first. I’ll take it.

A lot goes on in the course of a competition. All of our preparation helps but sometimes lady luck steps in and gives a slight boost. Does that make a win less of a win? If you think it does, try to explain it to me but I’ll tell you you’re wrong. All it means is that on that day, in those conditions, with that field of competitors, a win is a win. I remember last year there was a dust up on the NASGA forum because some douchy douch claimed that according to numbers of a competition, he would have placed higher than many pro’s. Huh? Cuz you weren’t there and have no clue dude. Numbers on a website only tell a small part of a competition. Conditions, a little luck going for (or against) you, everything. No one can say a winner shouldn’t have won due to “X” reasons.

They won. Duh. All they had to do was be the best…that day.

The only thing I’m addicted to is winning. This bootleg cult, arrogantly referred to as Alcoholics Anonymous, reports a 5 percent success rate. My success rate is 100%.

Charlie Sheen

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