Snopes for Training

Posted on April 1, 2014 by tosabarbell

snopes

Do you remember hearing the one about the new minister at a shwank church who dressed as a homeless person and came to church to see how his new congregation would react? And then when they shunned him he was able to walk up to the pulpit and shame them? SO cool eh? It resurfaces every 7 months or so and all the wanna be nice people go, “Awwwww, I need to remember this lesson.” Problem? It’s bullshit. Fake.

Suckers.

How about the one where 72 people were killed in Boston when forced to turn in their guns. Honestly, if you’re silly enough to believe that on the FB then you deserve to be upset. Here’s one close to home, due to the cold weather there have been striped Iceberg sightings on Lake Michigan…

…oops, those are from years ago and taken 1700 miles SOUTH of South Africa. We’re way up here with our Lake Michigan. False. Again.

But I love the Snopes. I have no idea who they are but someone got fed up enough with all of these internet myths that they took action and actually spend time investigating them. Love it. Calling out the B.S. Right up our ally.

It occurred to me earlier this week that we should have a Snopes for training and trainers. Someone see’s a Jillian Michaels infomercial and can run to BULLSHIT TRAINERS DOT COM to check it out where, instead of the sweet persona she has on television, they could read the truth about her insane and crappy Hollywood style of training. Kind of like a Carfax for training.

So when someone at the gym reads another guys log on-line who just did 100 squats in the curl rack and decides that’s pretty badass and he should do that very same thing, we could direct him to BT.com. See, cuz what he didn’t see is 100 squat guy and his buddy discuss the whole Iowa football players rhabdo session and wondered if he did the same thing, would he get Rhabdo (and yes, men are that silly.) So he’s doing it now and copy cat guy didn’t see that yes indeed, 100 squat dude got Rhabdo. Had he checked the internet on bullshit programming, he’d have been saved from HIS case of Rhabdo.

But we don’t have it yet. So we need to start asking our own questions. When a WAC trainer tells you that you should never deadlift, you ask why. Why? Cuz he doesn’t know how to teach you but he won’t tell you that. He’ll tell you it’s because it’s bad for your back. Yup. It’s happened. When your Anytime Fitness trainer tells you to cut your calories down to 1100 per day and you’ll be amazed at the results, he won’t tell you that it is impossible to maintain a strong and healthy body on 1100 calories a day over time so when, after a week and a half, you start to feel like shit and want a cupcake bad enough that you’ll trade your car in for one he can tell you how you don’t have will power and need to stick with it for it to work. But that would be avoided if we just asked why? WHY? Everything that comes out of a trainer or coach’s mouth should have a mechanical and factual answer on why we’re doing what we’re doing. If the answer is every, ‘Ahhhhh, cuz it works best this way’ they’re done. Fire them. Their six week trainers course didn’t prepare them to train OR program you correctly. Move on. If your globo trainer has never heard of Dan John or Jim Wendler, fire them. They’re generic and have no idea how to program strength or fat loss. Word up.

Expect more. Much more. Ask why? Always ask why. Ask them who their influences have been in training. If they say Jillian Michaels or Dave Castro, run away. Fast.

I’ve been accused of vulgarity. I say that’s bullshit.

Mel Brooks

Training Log

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Monday Bacon: Compassionate Unfattening

Posted on March 31, 2014 by tosabarbell

One thing I love about travel in Europe is how direct Europeans are in comparison to most Mid-western ‘Mericans. You can give a curt, short answer to a question and not have people look at you like you are a grade A bitch. Here, we need to pretty up our words. Yes, we all need to use our manners. You say please and thank you, even in the drive through line. But in Europe, it’s un-necessary to ask a question like this, ” Do you think it’s possible, maybe, if you could maybe make my hamburger, ummmmmm,  this way? Or is that just a total pain in the ass, cuz then it’s ok, no worries.” I think they call it Minnesota Nice or something like that. (I don’t know what it’s called in Wisconsin other than fucking annoying.)

Let’s get real. Use real words. Sometimes real words appear to be unkind, does that make them less true? You want to lift more weight, you may need to gain more weight. Is that prospect frightening for you? Then don’t ask me questions cuz you’ll get more where that came from. You want to look toned and fit? It doesn’t exist. It’s called low body fat, not toned. You need to change up your diet and maybe your training but diet first. And fitness? Define it first, then I’ll let you know if you’re on the right track. If that follows with, ‘I knowwwww, but I just really like my _______ and I just can’t give that up’ and I reply with, ‘Then you really don’t want to lose weight. Next subject.”  If you think I’m harsh, you asked the wrong person.

There’s no conscious uncoupling here. We use real words in the real world.

There’s no fantasy land in strength and conditioning and fitness. If you want to lift heavy, you spend time (lot’s of it) under the bar with a solid program and fuel for your body as you do it. It won’t happen in a matter of months, even if your mommy told you that you were destined for greatness. You weren’t by the way, that’s Emperor speak. If you’re born with natural talents then your hard work will pay off larger than mine, but we both will still need to work hard. If you’re strong and want to be better conditioned, you need to start pushing the prowler or hitting some hills (for those of you whose hills are not snow covered.)

Now, yes, there are ways into easing into a better lifestyle. No one expects folks to change overnight and if you’ve found a trainer who does, move on. They’re full of shit and know that you won’t be sticking around for the long haul. They’re telling you what you want to hear to get your money, not what you NEED to hear for long term “results.” (We call “results” a lifestyle, you’ll understand that in time.) If you are someone who is completely powerless over food, go get help beyond the gym. You don’t pay your  trainer/strength coach enough to deal with all your issues. (But if you want them too, pay them more and I guess maybe they will.) There are many programs out there that can help you figure out why you’re eating yourself into an early grave even WITH a strength training program.

At the end of the day, it’s you. You deciding that you’ve had enough of feeling like crap; dealing with a lowered self-esteem, or dealing with the fact that you’ve eaten yourself into disease. You’re fat. We can fix that. Surrounding yourself in a fantasy world? That’s harder. It’s not complicated. Keep it simple. Just fix it. There are lots who can help. But over here? We use real words.

I love the English way, which is not as capitalistic as it is in America. People don’t talk about work and money; they talk about interesting things at dinner parties. I like living here because I don’t tap into the bad side of American psychology, which is ‘I’m not achieving enough, I’m not making enough, I’m not at the top of the pile.’ It’s just kind of like, I am.

Gwyneth Paltrow

I am who I am. I can’t pretend to be somebody who makes $25,000 a year.

also Gwyneth Paltrow

Training Log

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

Food, Glorious Food

Posted on March 27, 2014 by tosabarbell

We had the wonderful job last night of mapping out our wedding food, it didn’t suck. We are choosing to keep the main stage event quite small, with a larger party later in the day at McBob’s. Our Milwaukee Hawaiian O’hana will be feeding us and entertaining us with song and dance. We couldn’t be more thrilled.

As much as we want to avoid a formal affair (I’m way too old for the white dress and can’t remember the last time I stepped into a church) we DO want to take very good care of our friends and family who will be coming. SO, we’re going whole hog on the food. For realz, we’ll have hog (well, Kalua Pork, close enough.) Uncle’s David and Guy of Ono Kine Grindz have put together a Pu Pu assortment and Dinner menu that is sure to be da best. We’re very excited. Next stop will be grabbing my friend and acting wedding planner, Amber, to pick out the best wines for the day. Giddy up.

Anyways.

We go from Ono to ucky. This morning I tried a little breakfast concoction that was suggested to me; oatmeal with protein powder mixed in. Sounds mildly acceptable. After all, it’s only food. I can trick my mind into thinking it tastes ok? After all, poor little Oliver and his orphanage crew ate gruel every morning, surly I can eat this. Ironically enough, gruel is exactly what the recipe looks like once the boiling water is added. Hokay, hang in there, I can do this. I take my first litle taste. Huh, not good, but not pukable. I decide to take a normal sized bite. OH, THERE IT IS, pukable. Yuck. Not even happening. At. All.

I can eat my protein. I can eat my oatmeal. I can even eat them at the same meal. But not mixed together. Nope. Not happening even one bit. Even the thought of trying that one again makes me sad (yeah, drama much?) I like food. Glorious food. It doesn’t have to be steak and eggs every morning, but it can’t be gruel. Or I’ll have to start singing like orphans as I come down the stairs for breakfast and I really don’t want to subject my dogs to that. It’s pretty bad.

This…

…Da Best.

There is no love sincerer than the love of food.

George Bernard Shaw

Training Log

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

Bier Abendessen

Posted on March 26, 2014 by tosabarbell
Bierexecs

3 of my favorite things: Bigg, Lakefront Brewery and Milwaukee Brewing Co beers (these are the owners, not the bier’s.)

I’ve written (numerously) before about how much we enjoy the local craft brews here in Milwaukee. My first favorite upon arrival was Milwaukee Brewing Co. Their beermasters are on their game and I have yet to taste a MKE brew that I haven’t enjoyed. When we were out and aboot one night, I noticed the Lakefront Brewery’s Fixed Gear tapper at the bar. I thought, let’s try that. And of course I loved it. I also enjoy their IPA, I haven’t tried their ESB but I do enjoy me an ESB so it’s on the list.

Anyways.

Liking them on the FB means I get to see upcoming releases and special events. I noticed last week or so that the Milwaukee Ale House up in Grafton was hosting their March Beer Dinner. Beer Dinner? Ummmm, yes please. That was before seeing the menu. A five course dinner with a pre-dinner drink that included cake at the end paired with the only barley wine that I’ve liked, to date. Cake. Beer. Tons of food in between, giddy up. Talking Bigg into it was as hard as tagging him on their FB post and he had us signed up in record time.

Our pre-dinner drink of MKE’s Outboard Cream Ale with cider and ginger liqueur at first taste was ok. A bit watered down. But then Matt told me to stir it up to get the ginger and cider taste. I did and OHHHHHHHHHHH! Nummy! I see pitchers of this in our summer future. Delicious, refreshing, and here’s a bonus; we had an empty chair at our table so we had an extra drink (this was before we knew we could ask for a big glass of anything we wanted. Rookie mistake, we’ll know more next time.) Talk about our table, of course ours was the most fun. The three gentlemen closest to us were fun, funny, and incredibly interesting. We stuck around afterwards for at least another half hour or so just talking with them. Sitting at a dinner with a table of strangers is a bit on the scary side, but it’s worked out well for us.

Anyways, moar food and bier!

Our Charcuterie course, my favorite. Moussse, Pate’, pork rilletes, and bread. And Lakefront’s My Turn John dark lager with cherries.

I had to google Charcuterie after we got home. All I knew in that moment is that I wanted more. The man across the table from me only ate about half of his, I was ready to grab the rest of it. It was by far one of the most delicious things I’ve ever eaten. The Beer Cheese Soup we had for our next course had a slice of pork belly in the bowl before they came around and poured the soup in. Pork Belly, in my cheese soup. Yup.

Our Smoked Trout course was paired with the Fixed Gear Red Ale, I really love that beer. OH! It had picked apples and they were fantastic. This is something we’ll definitely do at home when Bigg is smoking a pork shoulder to have with sandwiches. I had never heard of such a thing but it sounds incredibly easy. I can’t recommend it enough.

Our Steak course was absolutely stunning…

biersteak

It was very good but came out a bit on the cool side. That was probably the only bummer of the night. I quickly moved on from my disappointment when I realized that I was about to get cake. CAKE! I was skeptical of the Barley wine, so far those that I’ve tasted are too sweet for me. We’ve been in the liquor store when there have been tastings and Matt will try it, look at me, and quickly shake his head. If HE thinks it’s sweet, it’s sweet. But this one was very, very good. Good enough that we’ll pick some up. The HoHo cake was good. I don’t think it’s the best cake I’ve ever had (Marie Fitzsimmons in Dassel, Minnesota. That’s the best cake I’ve ever had. Giving someone a Marie cake means you care enough to give the very best. Fact) but our cake was just fine.

Overall it was an incredible and interesting dinner. The only thing wrong with it was that my Strongman was still starving afterwards. What do you do when your Strongman is starving after dinner? Finish the night at McBob’s, duh. A Highlander and half a Patty Melt later and he felt much better.

OH! Here’s a bonus. When I went to go grab my eggs this morning out of the fridge, the Growler of bier we bought on our way out (and that I had ‘forgotten’ about) was sitting there. Score!

I fear the man who drinks water and so remembers this morning what the rest of us said last night.

Benjamin Franklin

Training Log

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment