Friday Jams: Demolition Man

Posted on January 10, 2014 by tosabarbell

I’m in Minneapolis for the weekend, enjoying some time with the Oz man. The big news right now, since it’s warmed up, is the demolition of the Metrodome. I haven’t been here for all of the new stadium hub bub so I’ll save myself from commenting too much about the new design. But seriously, is it an Ark? A Viking ship? A Midwest version of the Crystal Cathedral? I don’t get it.

Anyways.

The Dome has been around for 32 years. How can that be? There’s no WAY I’m that old!! Say what you want about the Dome, it’s warm and toasty and host of the Dome Dog. When I was in High School, we’d rush out of church on Sundays and go sell programs at the Vikings games. This meant that we’d get to go into the bowels of the Dome; get our instructions and our program carts, and then watch warm ups before the doors opened. There were even times we got to sell at Monday Night Football games. I sat in complete awe watching Coach Landry stoically stand on the sidelines watching his team go through their routine. I watched Tony Dorsett run 99 yards to an NFL record touchdown run. It was amazing.

I wove my Homer Hankie at Twin’s games. We went to a game where twins (real twins, like the Z’s) got to circle the field prior to the baseball game. I told my Zac I’d give him a buck if he ran out to the Right field (they had us in a straight line on the gravel…DON’T TOUCH THE FIELD!!!) and did a cartwheel. And he did. I have a picture. It’s fantastic. The security dude just rolled his eyes and laughed.

I even went to a Basketball game the first year the NCAA March Madness tour came to Minneapolis. I remember one of the games had Nebraska in it. But then we found out they don’t serve beer at college functions so we left. F that. Basketball? With no beer? Hardly.

I have no idea how many times I’ve been to the Dome. Lots. There are so many memories that they’re all jumbled together right now. I was very fortunate to be able to attend so many sporting events both there and at the old Met Center watching the North Stars and even the REALLY old Met Stadium tailgating at Twins games and one VERY cold Vikings game. There’s no wonder sports has a special place in my life.

But now the Dome is being replaced and instead of a spectacular demotion like other stadiums and arenas gone before, they’re just pulling it apart. Meh. Kinda anti-climactic. Supposedly you can grab a few (or more) of the blue seats while they’re taking it apart. It’d be kinda fun to have a few. I have no idea what I’d do with them, the Bigg guy isn’t even close to getting in one. But it’d still be fun.

With all those memories, one of my favorites is still the one I wasn’t even in attendance for…thank dogs…

Today’s post is dedicated to the Metrodome. All the victories…and failures. All the memories. Kirby Puckett. School field trips. A World Championship…and then again in ’91. Dan Gladden. High School football tournaments. The Dome dog. Running the stairs for free cups after a game. Yelling, “Program here, get’cher program” and then sitting wherever we wanted for the second half of Vikings games. Hearing the crack of the bat and losing the ball in the white ceiling. Taking the train to the game and then spending 45 minutes to get home which was 6 miles away (no, I never took the Metro after that.) A very brief basketball game. Pre-gaming at Hubert’s. Sitting in Jared Allen’s section with my great friend Chris for the playoff victory over the Cowboy’s (thanks again Johnnie, that was AMAZING!)

Thanks for the memories.

Memory is the diary we all carry about with us.

Oscar Wilde

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But…THEY’RE Hot!

Posted on January 8, 2014 by tosabarbell

I watched this commercial earlier that was linked to a site posting the news that Planet Fitness was in the process of removing squat racks from their gyms because ONE customer at another gym was intimidated by it. Meh. Who cares what Planet Fitness does other than be very purply and handing out free pizza and cupcakes. I like free pizza and free cupcakes so I can’t really throw stones. Ya ya ya, we all know they’re useless to a person who trains. Blah blah blah.

But then I noticed something kinda funny at the end of the commercial making fun of girls with seemingly “hot” bodies. Ummmmm, the two girls on the Elliptical’s???? They have ‘hot’ bodies. Huh? Wouldn’t THAT seem intimidating to the average sized fake customer trying to look as homely as possible? Wouldn’t THAT seem to go directly AGAINST Planet Purple’s message? I’m just so confused?!

It begs the question…if Planet Purple is FOR the scared fatties…why don’t they SHOW the scared fatties eating the free pizza instead of cute little pony tail girls on the commercial? Why bother showing the hotties who don’t eat free pizza? That’s intimidating to me…OUT with the pony tailed girls!!

Things that make you go, hmmmmmm.

Nobody can tell what I suffer! But it is always so. Those who do not complain are never pitied.

Jane Austen

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Tasty Memories

Posted on January 8, 2014 by tosabarbell

Growing up, it was pretty rare that we ate out. An occasional bucket of KFC for Sunday dinner, MAYBE a burger king hangaber after swim practice if we were running late to the next activity, it happened, but not very often.

But there were a few very rare evenings when dad would come home for dinner before heading back up to the church for his nightly meetings and say, “Let’s go grab some Arthur Treacher’s.” YES!!!!!!  Those were good nights. To this day, I have no idea what would bring on the Arthur Treacher’s spending binge, but I loved it. Fried fish and chips, nummmmmm. We had to wait longer for our food and I ALWAYS wanted to get some just for us to eat on the way home in addition to the regular order. Yuh, I’ve been doing the pre-game meal for a while now. Sometimes dad would let me do that, but not always. So even the special fish and chips night had the opportunity to be epic. Fo shizzle.

To this day, I still have in my mind that Arthur Treacher’s (by the way, saying Arthur Treacher’s in my head every time I type it is tough for this ‘r’ challenged speech therapy class dropout) has the greatest fish and chips on planet Earth. I mean, come on! Hush puppies, this was the only time in my life I could get hush puppies! And all of it served on cool pub paper…

NOW, in all reality, IS this the greatest fish and chips on the planet? I’m guessing not, I’ve had better as an adult. The grease is better pretty much everywhere and I get a Guinness with the meal. I DO remember the chips were crispy and I still enjoy crispy rather than soggy chips. But I’m in Wisconsin now and we have tator tots. Ever have Poutine with tots instead of fries? Uhhhhhh, if no, run to the Red Dot meow. RIGHT MEOW!

But such is the strength of food and memories. I know many, MANY, people who will continue to make shitty food choices just because it brings about some type of happy memory. You’re tasting the memories sweeties, not the food. Start tasting the food. Of course if your diet consists of lots of sugar and refined carbs, you’re not even tasting that. The food actually HAS to be as shitty and greasy as possible in order for you to just taste it. That’s happy.

I’ve previously listed my and Bigg’s list of “if food were hugs.” I can’t remember if I put Arthur Treacher’s on it. I don’t think so. It’s too special, too close to my heart. It’s a special car ride with just me and my Dad. That didn’t happen often. It’s a splurge that we savored, or at least I did. We KNEW it was a splurge therefore treated it with the reverence only a splurge should receive.

I have no idea if Arthur Treacher’s is still around. I DO know that if it is, I won’t touch it. Can’t. There is no way I’ll ruin the tasty memory of our meals there. Quite honestly, that’s exactly where this shitty food that holds good memories belong. In your mind, not your mouth. Savor it…and move on.

There is no greater sorrow
Than to recall a happy time
When miserable.

Dante Alighieri

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Monday Bacon: Chilly Willy

Posted on January 6, 2014 by tosabarbell

I loved watching Chilly Willy when I was young. The cute penguin always looking for fishies. Good fun. We would always say it’s ‘chilly willy’ out for years and years. Well…it applies today.

Chilly Willy

There are a lot of folks who have not gone through an Up North winter who scoff at this so called “windchill padding” of temperatures. I always lulz’d at that. Uhhhhh,  hokay…you take the cold, a cold that steals your breath when you walk out the door and then add wind. Any wind. 2mph…20mph. It is a cold that it like no other. Luckily, most of us never had to be out in it for long periods of time. But there are some who had to be whether for work or because they just didn’t have anywhere else to go.

Think windchill is bullshit? Go hang out in a Minneapolis homeless shelter for an hour or two and ask the visitors about cold…and then ask them about cold + wind.  But sure, folks who haven’t experienced anything near this probably know best. Heeeheee. Silly people.

Our temp’s…and those around us according to all of the pics on The Facebook are cold. Colder than it has been for a while. Now, at Christmas time in Minnesota it was around fifteen below with a decent 20-30mph wind. That was cold. We walked across the street on Christmas Even morning for a McCormick’s breakfast and when the wind hit our faces on the way back to the hotel, well, I ran the rest of the way. Yup. Me…running. Even the Bigg man hotstepped it and that’s as close as he comes to running when not at a competition. True story.

But this morning got my attention. We went out for breakfast before Bigg hit the road for Mexico (yuh, Mexico) and it was cold. School was called off late last week. I’ve seen my fair share of , “When I was a kid we walked to school from the country in 40 degree’s below weather PLUS wind.” First off, shut up. Ok, so you went to school with Laura Ingalls? And you’re still around to tweet about it? Cool. I graduated in 1985 and we had at least two “cold” days that I can remember so if school was called over 30 years ago chances are your school district was keeping an eye out for you too. But before I call anyone an outright liar (which I think you are if you’re saying you walked to school in worse conditions than this) allow me to point out a big difference of your kiddo days and modern yutes.

First off, lots of kids get themselves off to school without Mommy making them a huge pot of oatmeal and a plate full of bacon in the morning. If yours was there making sure you were properly snuggled into your warm weather wear and sorrel boots before you ventured out in your hypothetical cold , congratulations. I hope you appreciate the memories. Since we’re nestled between two Elementary schools; a Middle school; and a High school, we see our fair share of walkers in the morning and in the afternoon. Wearing a sweatshirt, no hats and gloves is actually a normal occurrence around here. Yes, it’s stupid, but it’s reality. Many of these kids live over a mile away from school. I don’t care how dressed for winter you are, a mile walk in 20 below with a 30mph wind will kick your ass.  Look, we get it, we are so much tougher than kids today. We win. And these are just the kids in sheltered little ‘tosa.

But this is cold. Dangerous cold. So hunker down, stop pretending we were so much tougher than “kids today” and move on. Really want to prove how tough you are? Get your arse out in that cold and go volunteer somewhere or make some hot toddies for your mail carrier who, by the way, can probably tell you a thing or two about windchill. Thank you mailman for showing up for work all to bring me my junk mail. You’re B.A. Srsly. 

Over here? The heat’s on, I’ll get my deload lifting in today and I have a Hungarian Kuvasz who still thinks she’s a Malamute…

husky

I literally have to go drag her in. Silly Dazzle girl. But it does remind me of a post from one of our strong friends who is a Milwaukee cop, keep an eye out for homeless animals too. Real cold animals not nearly as cute as Chilly Willy the penguin.

The climate of Barrow is Arctic. Temperatures range from cold as shit to fucking freezing.

Steve Niles, 30 Days of Night

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