Circle of Trust

Posted on December 19, 2013 by tosabarbell

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It’s getting close to that time of year where we tend to take a look at our lives, think about what’s working and try to come up with some solutions as to what’s not.  It’s inevitable, and it’s a good thing.

If all we do is go year after year with no reflection or no change, congratulations…you’re a 40 year old 18 year old.

We evolve. We learn. We recognize that some of the “status quo” ways of dealing with things ain’t working for us anymore.  Cuz we’re adults now. And not that kind of adult where we learn that paying our bills may infringe on our Mai Tai night’s sucks monkey ballz (*COUGH`Za`COUGH!)  But the kind of adult where we take the bull by the horn and deal with our troubles head on. We don’t hide them away in a drawer, we don’t drink them away only to wake up and find even MORE trouble.

We just…deal. Adult stuff. Growth.

But what if we surround ourselves with folks who don’t want to grow? Hmmmm, but they’re so much fun iKNOWright?!?!! They bring out in us the very thing we should be letting go of. I’ve had these friends. It’s hard for me to look back and realize that so much precious time of health and peace of mind were lost only because of who I surrounded myself with. Folks I thought were there for me through thick and thin (I haven’t been thin since the fourth grade but anyway) were actually there for me through dysfunction and frustration.

It’s a vicious cycle. I stayed in a bad place for too long knowing full well these “friends” were there for me but didn’t get out of situations that could have been easily solved had I just stepped away and gained some objective (which I eventually did.) Because had I walked away from them then I wouldn’t have friends so I need to stay in this muck. Mind boggling.

Just stepping away from these people brought me perspective. And objectivity. And peace. And health. And strength. And a really fantastic group of healthy friends who not only expect me to be the best I can, but THEY BRING OUT THE BEST! Yes, just being a part of their lives improves mine.

Holding on to unhealthy relationships purely out of habit is bullshit. Don’t do that. You deserve better.

And here’s something else…family is included. There are so many of you out there who are fortunate enough to have grown up in a loving, supporting home. There are many more out there who didn’t. Not even close bud. I’m always struck by those of yous guys who say, “Family are the only one’s there for you when you need them.” Uhhhhh, that’s your experience. That’s good. I’m glad for you. But if you walk through life with some type of horse blinders on thinking this is how EVERY one grew up…you’re an idiot. Really. You ARE aware that there is a whole world out there where bad things happen to good people or people who have no voice to stop it, right? No? Ok, go back to your happy little life and stay there. Don’t step out cuz it’s actually really scary out there. True story.

Family is what it is. That’s all. It’s not a magic pill. Some families all get along. Some don’t. Some have siblings who are closer to each other than others. Some have cut ties for various reasons. Some may not understand that but quite honestly, it’s not for you TO understand. At no point do I feel obligated to share why there are family members I don’t have a relationship with. That’s between us. I’m not plopped down on this earth to attempt to make YOU understand anything about me. Love me or don’t. Don’t care.  I’m too busy over here investing time into people who bring out on the best in me and that I know are there for me EVEN IF IT’S TO TELL ME SOMETHING I DON’T WANT TO HEAR. 

But they do this in a way that is positive. Growth. You want to constantly criticize me in everything I do, every move I make, every step I take in hopes that you can lay YOUR insecurities on me? Nope. I bungee jumped off that bridge long ago. Whether it’s unhealthy friendships or relationship within a family structure, let ’em go.

If you’re stuck in a rut and the only thing keeping you afloat each day are friends who magically appeared as you entered the rut…let ’em go. If good and healthy friendships have turned sour and unhealthy, let ’em go. There is no hard and fast law that says people are placed in our lives to be there forever so even if it sucks we stay put. No. Sometimes folks come in our life in intense ways for short amounts of time and then we all move on. It’s ok. Because we were there for a specific reason and now it’s time to go. Just let ’em go.

Are you a positive person who recognizes good things in your life and brings good things in other friends lives while they positively impact yours? Hold fast. And then go eat poutine together…cuz that’s what solid friends do.

I do not agree with what you have to say, but I’ll defend to the death your right to say it.

Voltaire

Training Log

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Scotch Tape.

Posted on December 18, 2013 by tosabarbell

UffDa, I ruffled feathers yesterday.

Ya know what I hate? I hate it when writers, famous of those and big bloggers and just lil ‘ol me ruffles feathers and then backs off. Apologizes. Oh wait, I offended someone? I am SO sorry. I take back everything offensive I’ve ever said in life…uhhhh, that’s a lot actually.

Um, no. That’s not me. I warned people that I was ranting. Have I done that before? No. So you knew guns were blazing. Was I talking to you? No. Not you, or you, or you. There were at least 30 people I pictured directly involved in yesterday’s post. If you felt something, that’s on you. Sorry. (But I’m really not.)

Yesterday was one of over 360 posts. Before you complain about one line of one post, I’d like you to go back and read every post and then tell me your least favorite 10 lines of all my posts. It’s quite likely that I can explain my point of view on all 10 lines (it’s also likely that it will include the word Fuck. I really love that word.) If I want, which I probably don’t.

Too many people are addicted to sugar and carbs and crappy eating. Uhhhh, has anyone noticed THAT I AM ONE? Have I not been real? Have I not laid out my baggage for all to see? Has it been therapeutic for me? Damn straight. As I was eating lunch with my brilliant, beautiful cousin yesterday I said outright, “I have a blog, I don’t keep anything inside.” I also have an on-line training log. I’m about as transparent as scotch tape. Are you?

Did I piss you off? Did I offend? Ask yourself why before you come my way. I will be the first to admit, I cuss. Uhhhhh, ya? There have been a few posts where I cringe knowing that less than a handful of people will see it and say to themselves ‘but why do you have to say Fuck so much Jules?’ But that’s me. Scotch tape. Gee whiz Mrs. Cleaver I just really like to cuss. Always have. Probably always will.

But I don’t hide. WYSIWYG.

If you think eating whole grains is healthy, you’re wrong. If you think you need to eat crappy food at the Holiday’s because it’s tradition, you’re wrong. If you think your children need sugar treats to feel special, you’re wrong. If you think chronic inflammation of a loved one isn’t dangerous, you’re wrong. If you think being skinny is more important than being strong, you’re wrong.  If you think low fat, high carb is the diet you should follow, you’re wrong. If you think that listening to a doctor prescribing meds instead of getting off your fat ass and changing your diet is the way to go, you’re wrong. If you think constant cardio without strength training is the way to be healthy, you’re wrong. I can’t help that you’re wrong on so many levels if you fall in line with these things. That’s not on me. It’s on you. Start your own blog and try to tell me why I’M wrong.

See, I made a whole paragraph without saying Fuck. Yeah me.

But I stand behind every post. Every line. Every cuss word. This is me. If you like parts of it but not other parts, that’s ok. Really. Completely okay. I’m right. This is how we live, warts and all so to speak. We are an imperfect pair…but we’re not inflammed. And oh by the way, that STILL doesn’t guarantee us immortal life. A dear Strongman from here in Wisconsin was killed in a car accident this week. It is tragedy magnified by a thousand, unimaginable loss. We all are going to go at some point. All we’re doing is trying to live as comfortable and healthy as we can.

And we’re not hiding. Scotch tape. We’re imperfect, we’re honest, and we’re trying. And we’re right here in the wide open.

Are you?

Your computer needn’t be the first thing you see in the morning and the last thing you see at night.

Simon Mainwaring

Training Log

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Circle The Wagons

Posted on December 17, 2013 by tosabarbell

This has been brewing a while and I’ve tried to figure a way to write about it without calling specific people out. Well, I guess I’m annoyed enough that I don’t care if people think I’m talking to them on this one.

The term “circle the wagons” is one I’ve come to hate. Why? Because in many cases, people are circling wagons and protecting destructive habits of loved ones. In today’s case? Shitty food.

What do you do when you’re giving a halfway ‘one for the gipper’ attempt to eat more healthy but those around you can’t/don’t give you support you need? I don’t know. Honestly? I don’t know. I don’t know how to fix this one and it’s been driving me crazy.

First of all, if my beloved tells me we can’t have cupcakes or loaves of tasty, fresh bread or else he will eat it all and I KNOW he’s not kidding? Then out it goes. This is actually the other way around in our home but it still applies. I can’t have shit laying around the house. Cuz I’ll eat it. I know that about me. Call me weak. Call me undisciplined. Don’t care, it’s true. What I CAN do is keep to a couple of dark chocolate Christmas kisses each day and be satisfied. Cuz it’s still chocolate but shitty chocolate so I won’t overeat it.

Bring in chips; anything pastry like; even crappy generic bread that can magically be transformed into tasty tasty peanut butter toast and it’s gone. So guess what? We don’t keep it in the house. Cuz my health is that important. And before you co-dependent carb loaders start sputtering, ‘but, but just because YOU have a problem doesn’t mean I should pay for it by not having this delicious shitty food on hand!’  Yes. Yes it does. Cuz you care about me, and ultimately guess what? YOU DON’T NEED THE SHIT EITHER!!! 

Sidebar: Ok, here’s something that will blow your mind. ALL. GRAINS. ARE. SHIT. Whole grains are shit. They cause inflammation. Don’t believe me? Who DO you believe? Kellogg’s? Cuz they have your best interest at heart? Uhhhhh, ok. Who else says whole grains are good…OH! The Government. Dieticians (who learn this shit from the government.) Uhhhh, ok. The Government wouldn’t LIE to you would they? (pssssst, remember the high carb/low fat food pyramid that hung from every wall in every classroom in every school and anywhere “health” was promoted. Ummmmmm, they lied.)

The fact that you’ve talked yourself into eating like complete garbage and then stubbornly circle the wagons around your bread, sugar, and whole grains makes me believe you’re far less smarter than I gave you credit for. True story.

Secondly, for those of you who say, ‘but we need to keep these sugary, tasty treats in the house for the kids or else they get very upset.’ Fuck you. You’re too stupid to procreate. Congratulations. You’ve just passed on your shitty relationship with food down to your kids. Way to go. Like being in your 40’s and fat and powerless? So will your kids, right? The good news is that you’ll be long gone cuz the chronic inflammation has killed you before your kids get into their 30’s and you won’t have to watch them yo-yo diet themselves in sheer misery. Cuz you’ll be dead. So there’s that.

You are a parent. You have a responsibility to admit that what you’re eating was wrong. We need to change kids. We’re doing this together. Your Mom/Dad doesn’t agree but that doesn’t mean WE can’t get healthy. I care enough about YOUR future that I’m putting my relationship on the line with my spouse/partner and we’re going to do things different around here. Treats are not for every day. If you think you can’t get through a day without a sugary treat, then I’ll be here while you detox. It will be unpleasant and I’m just so very sorry I’ve encouraged this addiction in you. That’s my failure. But we’re fixing it today. Right now.

And oh by the way schools who allow cupcakes, cookies, and Twinkies into my child’s classroom on a daily basis. Stop it. Now. You give my kid sugar again without my permission and heads are going to roll. Starting with YOU Mr. teacher who is also addicted to sugar. You think I”M HARSH because mine is the ONE child who can’t have the sugary treat and they’ll feel bad? Don’t care. Their health is more important and the fact that FOOD AND FEELINGS actually have NOTHING to do with each other is a good lesson you could adhere to.

Lastly, to you. Yes, YOU! You who kind of enjoy the wagons being circled around you cuz then you don’t have to change at all when change may be the only thing that could save your life or at the very least improve it…knock it off. The only people who are powerless over food or lack there of are in prison, or a third world. Not here. Not even close. You are smart people. Fix what’s inside that you need total and complete affirmation that you’re wrong. Believe me, we all have people in our lives who will tell us exactly what we WANT to hear. That’s good…I guess. But make sure you have enough people in your life who will tell you exactly what you NEED to hear. Who will break through the wagon train and yank you out of your comfy little pile of shit you’ve decided to protect yourself with.

SRSLY.

Training Log

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Snapshots

Posted on December 16, 2013 by tosabarbell

We don’t remember days, we remember moments.

Cesare Pavese

I like this saying. It’s corny, I know. But it’s how I roll. Days roll into months that roll into years and suddenly we’re into the last few weeks of 2013. I still have my Halloween towels in the bathroom which is a good indicator of how time has gotten away from me. This last year has been a whirlwind.

tosabarbell has settled into a steady rhythm. Neighbors have reluctantly accepted the fact that dogs bark and barbells get dropped from overhead causing noises they didn’t have in their previous 2 acre lot (tell me again WHY you moved into the city?) Jobs have changed for the better (so much better) and decisions have been made by all on future competitions. Addresses have changed by some, stayed the same for others (thank goodness.)

I saw my first tribute video on the TCM channel of Hollywood icons who have passed away this year which always makes me look back and try to capture some snapshots before they are lost into the void of “past.” There are some I’ve already let go unintentionally. But there are so many other precious moments…

Reindeer!

Walking towards Bigg’s Iceman strongman competition, crossing a ski hill as ski jumpers leap off the jump near the outdoor venue in Finnish Lapland when suddenly Reindeer being led go by.

My first trip overseas has so many moments that make me smile. Walking down the hill with full cups of Hot Cocoa and peppermint schnapps with Laurence Shahlaei’s girl, Liz, and almost falling on my arse after getting through the hardest part. Then almost spilling because we were laughing so hard. Standing in one of the Ruka buildings with my Bigg man overlooking the vast, snowy countryside watching the sun set.

My first full season of Highland games are filled with so many incredible moments. The camaraderie; the support; the falling on your ass or laughing when someone else does it; the trash talk. Ooooooo, the trash talk! I learned so much, from so many and there were some who quickly became an important part of not only our Highland lives, but our everyday lives…

Katie's Sheaf World record prize

Throwing in the North American Championships at Enumclaw was one of the biggest thrills of the season. Spending time with some of my favorite Peterson’s in the Seattle area for a few days before the event and then stepping on the field and watching so many amazing throwers. Kristi Scott’s world record wob she so quietly tossed was amazing. Getting advice and helpful hints from some of the Women’s best as well as from our judge Michelle Crownhart and most importantly finding a kinship with competitor Mona Malec. She’s become a sister in spirit and I’m so thankful for her.

There were many personal bests this year, and personal worsts. The numbers aren’t the important part. It’s the people. It’s the support and love I got from my family and especially my Bigg man. It’s friends from all corners of the country and our excitement to see them again as soon as the next season gears up. OH! And the beer tents, it’s about the beer tents too…

Traveling with Matt has afforded me some amazing, unexpected moments. Watching the best of the best compete; gaining friends from all around the globe; training in distant lands, and sharing post event fun with some of the greatest that are called Strongman…

And the king of Strongman. Watching Big Z compete; having him chauffeur us around Vilnius; watching him interact with peeps in his gym, and finally getting the courage up to ask for a pic (ya, I’m a nerd. That’s not remarkable.)

We had an amazing opportunity to spend time with my pilots. My handful minus Howie who was still deployed but there certainly there in spirit. A bright light in my life they are. And quick to check in when life hits the fan. A brief, but poignant little text chat I had with KCon a few weeks ago…

‘I’m so sad KCon.’  and she replied…

‘Then I’m sad too.’ 

If it’s possible to bear hug through texts, leave it to my fighter pilot to find a way…

 

I’ve watched this year as my children have found success, and failure, and success from failure. The Z’s have learned tough adult life lessons and are still finding their way, but that’s ok. They’re 20. Plenty of time to figure it all out. They’ve done remarkable on their own and are still clawing their way out of hungry college student and ‘what the hellz am I supposed to do with my life’ questions that are common. Just keep fighting Z’s. Don’t stop fighting.

Oz found that football is just as much fun as he imagined and even without playing in many of the games, he supported and cheered on his teammates and I just couldn’t be more proud. Having his sister at one of his games was a thrill for him. He misses his sissy and big brother…as do I.

And through it all, there is my Bigg man. We’ve loved; we’ve fought; we’ve laughed; we’ve cried; we almost walked away, and thank goodness found our way back and are looking to a future together. He’s my hero; my rock; my husband to be. The many moments we’ve shared this past year are too numerous to recall and most of them would be too boring for the masses. But my favorite remains on our way back from Finland when I looked at him and said,

This life you give me, Iz good.

Training Log

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