Monday Bacon: K.I.S.S.

Posted on August 12, 2013 by tosabarbell

It seems to me, that many newer gym goers/strength athletes believe that the more complicated a program appears, the better off they are. After all, they’ve just paid hundreds of dollars to a globo gym; signed up for the special personal training package offered ONLY AT SIGN UP for another couple of hundred dollars; bought special gym goer shoes; maybe some new shorts; was talked into $350 of GNC shitty vitamins when all you wanted was some protein; and have started your own Facebook blog on how this is the time you’re going to lose the weight. For all that, no way will simple suffice.

The best part of wanting something complicated is that you’ll find a “coach” who is willing to give it to you. For a fee, of course, that reflects how special you are and that “usually we do X, but because you’re special we’ll do Y for you. Be careful though, this is very specialized.” Really, we all just want to be special. The glaring problem with this?

You’re not special. You’re just weak. Quite honestly, that’s a simple fix. Get stronger.  Squat. Press. Deadlift. Bench. Walk; push the prowler; go run some hills. Simple. Eat more protein. Eat less sugar. Stay away from Soy. Processed carbs hate you. See? Simple.

Now pay me $500. Ohhhhhhh, I get it. That wasn’t worth $500. So if I complicate things enough and use really big words and phrases like muscle confusion (by the by, if your muscles are confused you’d actually have a type of palsy, not just a bad trainer), Nutrient Transport (by the by, your body has been doing this since you started eating. You don’t pay someone to manipulate a process that your body learned before you had your first spank), and any thing else redunkulous. So I guess this is why I’m not rich. I don’t complicate stuff enough.

Frankly, who has the energy? I just want people to be as strong as they can be. I don’t want to e-rape them with a complicated program, be it diet, training, whatever. Just get off the gerbil wheel and come train.  Learn how to do the lifts correctly, learn how to program correctly, learn how to eat that won’t keep you inflamed and feeling shitty. Simple stuff. Worth about, oh I dunno, $45 per session. Commit to being strong and you’ll be strong. Commit to a number on the scale and every time you fail to hit that number, you’ll see failure. Walk into a black iron gym and every time you train, you’ll be stronger. Simple.

It’s simple, if it jiggles, it’s fat.

Arnold Schwarzenegger 

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Friday Jams

Posted on August 9, 2013 by tosabarbell

It’s been a couple of weeks without Friday jams, so wanted to come back with something fun. OK Go Needing/Getting. These guys are so much fun that’s in impossible not to be impressed.

There’s lots happening this weekend. My South Brooklyn Weightlifting Club BFF’s are taking a crew to the New Jersey State Powerlifting Championships. Best of luck to all. I’ll be throwing at the Wisconsin State Heavy Athletic Championship, and I feel very honored to be invited to this with some incredible throwers. There’s other games around the globe and the Strongman Champions League World Truck Pull Championships in Finlandia is going on right now. Busy busy.

Enjoy the weekend.

I just want to thank everyone who made this day necessary.

Yogi Berra

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Rose Colored.

Posted on August 8, 2013 by tosabarbell

There are many things I love about my new home town, Wauwatosa. I love that people take their landscaping very seriously here and so many streets are just out of Frances Burnett novel minus the secret part. I love that we can walk up to the Locals and get excellent food and be greeted with hugs and jokes. I love that people walk here, everyone takes walks. Coming from the heat of Texas where very few crazy people walk, it is a treat to say “howdy” to so many different neighbors each day as they take a walk.

I love the schools that is within walk/bike distance for Oz who’s 6th grade teachers were stern, but kind, when Oz needed to get on track with some work. I love Bigg’s family who is fun and enveloping in their craziness and who’s energy is almost always loving. Of course I love being with my Bigg guy each day and we treasure our time together as our start was long distance which got pretty tough at times.

I love being closer to my twins so seeing them every six weeks or so is reality and I get to check in on them without the 17 hour drive. I love Lake Michigan, new friends, good beer and Whiskey and McBob’s. Love it all.

However…

There is one thing about the little world of Wauwatosa that is so puzzling to me, and on this day, has me up in arms. It is the naivete’ that bad things don’t happen in this town. Weekly break ins? Doesn’t exist if you don’t want to read the reports. Carjacking? Not in our town, only it happens in our town. Up the street three blocks actually. Police reports said so. For real. Gun hold up at local SuperAmerica? Yup. Three blocks away, but try to tell that to someone who’s lived here their whole life and they will flat out deny that anything like that can happen.

But this? This takes the cake.  See, this man took his new girlfriend to his house three blocks away from us after already beating her for two hours and continued to beat her. She was sexually assaulted and eventually hospitalized for five days. When the local “Patch” posted this story, the good people of Wauwatosa were outraged. At the victim.

Why in the world didn’t she do a background check on her new boyfriend? Surely no one dates anymore without doing a background check? Must be her fault for the beating. Because surely nothing so hideous happens here in Wauwatosa without someone bringing it on themselves. Right? Fok!

I will say this, if you have been fortunate in life as to not be exposed to the ugliness of others, I’m happy for you. You have lived a charmed life and I hope you understand that. But to DENY that bad shit goes down in perfectly fine homes is naive, ignorant, and stupid. Don’t be stupid. As much as you want to be thankful you have dodged certain bullets in life, be aware that others haven’t. The world view here is very narrow for so many I’ve come in contact with, it’s mind boggling.

So for those people who believe that their rose colored glasses are shielding them from an unpleasant reality, grow up. There’s a big, bad world out there and you need to know how to deal with it when it comes knocking at your door.  And if you’re one of the crowd who is of the belief that any woman deserves a five hour beating that includes sexual assault merely because she wasn’t as smart as you to get a background check? Well, that’s on you. You just put that toxic energy out in the world and  to think it won’t come back to you in some way is just as ignorant as thinking bad things don’t happen in your little town. Good luck with that.

Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity. 

Martin Luther King, Jr

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Monday Bacon: Saw The Big Guy Doing It

Posted on August 5, 2013 by tosabarbell

I saw what was probably one of THE most redunkulous “training” videos out of a camp that is notorious for kicking out silly videos. OH! I’m not talking fun silly like that prancing stuff, that was good shit. I’m talking about fast talking gibberish for 20 minutes saying absolutely nothing and using big words to do it.

But putting a video on the interwebz with a mixed grip clean and a mixed grip jerk? Dumb. Stupid. Irresponsible. Fok.

First off, I don’t care why he does it. I don’t care how he is a special flower who needs to rape a clean and jerk for current attention whoring, don’t care. What I care about is the fact that thousands of his followers around the world will say, Well, if HE does it, then I bet I can do it. Maybe even hit a PR with it.  It’s the classic case of “Well I saw the big guy in the gym doing “X” so if I do that then I will become a big guy.” Sigh.

I believe we can attribute 85% of the globo-gym stupidity that we see to YouTube. Thanks for that. The other 15% belongs to the creative genius of idiots. Well done. But to be a public figure in your exercise genre and put out a video so blatantly stupid takes the cake. Ever deal with a bicep tear? No? Not yet? Do this and give it time. Achilles tendon tears must be SO last year.

I equate taking exercise/lifting advice from someone like this to being helped at Victoria Secret’s by a fat lady who probably doesn’t get any. Unproductive.

Anyways. Moving on. We’d like to send a HUGE congratulations to our friend across the pond, Laurence Shahlaei for defending his Britain’s Strongest Man title and getting the win on Saturday. Loz has had his share of injuries this past spring and that he has fought his way back is the ultimate culmination of tenacity; hard work; commitment, and strength. We’re pleased as punch. His girl Liz, my English BFF, was there to share the day and she deserves huge props for her support and love. Here’s a video of Loz’s 433kg British Strongman deadlift record. Now, in my humble opinion, the hitch is unnecessary. The hamstrings were doing the work necessary to make 954 pounds fly off the ground. Hitching, therefore shortening the hamstrings and taking them out of the lift in a large part, is more of a habit I guess. Next time we’re sharing a pint, I’ll ask him about it.  On the other hand, it’s 954 pounds.

***The reason Loz is hitching the bar once it gets above his knee is due to his hamstring injury this spring in the gym. Really, he could write a book on how to rehab because as far as I know, his injury was a partial or complete hamstring tear and he just pulled 954. That’s strong folks. (But I still want to share that pint Loz!)

Pretty cute, eh?

While most are dreaming of success, winners wake-up and work hard to achieve it.

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